All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though.

Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either.

He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is.

The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.

A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

The statement below is true.

The statement above is false.

If you think there is good in everybody, then you obviously haven't met everybody.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.

Remember: First you pillage, THEN you burn.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.

Strip mining prevents forest fires.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times more memory!

If a thing is worth doing, wouldn't it have been done already?

If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Ham and eggs: Just a day's work for a chicken but a lifetime commitment for a pig.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

Answers

Heh, pretty good. :-)

Here's one I heard on The Screen Savers tonight that I liked:

If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

good un's, Joy......here's one I was sent today.......

Thomas Wheeler, chief executive officer of the Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company, tells a good story on himself. He says that while he and his wife were out driving he noticed they were low on gas. So he pulled off at the first exit and came to this dumpy little gas station with one pump. There was only one man working the place, so he asked the man to fill it up while he checked the oil. He added a quart of oil, closed the hood, and he saw his wife talking and smiling at the gas station attendant. When they saw him looking at them, the station attendant walked away and pretended as if nothing had happened. Wheeler paid the man and he and his wife pulled out of that seedy little station. As they drove down the road, he asked his wife if she knew the attendant. Well, she admitted she did know him. In fact, she had known him very well. For it seems that they not only had gone to high school together, but they dated seriously for about a year. Well, Wheeler couldn! 't help bragging a little and said, "Boy, were you lucky I came along. Because if you'd married him you'd be the wife of a gas station attendant instead of the wife of a chief executive officer." His wife replied, "My dear, if I had married him, he'd be the chief executive officer and you'd be the gas station attendant."

sorry, guys.......

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

You go Auntie Em, you go girl!!! Girl power, girl power.....yeah!!!

Truth be told, behind every successful man is the woman who begged, threatened, cajoled, and yes, even bitched a bit, to make that man what he has become in life ( but it works both for good and evil accomplishments). Some men haven't a clue to the real world without the women to guide and advise them, and keep them on the straight and narrow path.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

Some men haven't a clue to the real world without the women to guide and advise them, and keep them on the straight and narrow path.

Wow Annie, I sure hope you're kidding. You are kidding right?

How would you feel if I said something like the following:

Some women haven't a clue to the real world without the men to guide and advise them, and keep them on the straight and narrow path.

I think if I had said something like that about women, you guys would be buying me a one-way ticket to Afghanistan and the Taliban - and rightly so...

:-(

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

Ah, no Jimmy.......sheesh, you got cramps or somethin?

Now iffen she had said ALL MEN, now that would make the difference......but she said SOME.....which is unarguably true, aint it?

We love you guys.......just a little joke I posted; didnt mean to hurt anybody's tender feelings, really.

Love,

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

Actually she DID say this:

Truth be told, behind every successful man is the woman who begged, threatened, cajoled, and yes, even bitched a bit, to make that man what he has become in life

I didn't have a prob with your post, EM. I thought it was funny. But I DO have serious problems with Annie's post. I consider it one of the most misandric things I've read in some time.

I'm sure if I had made such a statement Feminists would have chewed me a new asshole. And they would have been justified in doing so.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

Clarification:

I'm sure if I had made such a statement about women Feminists would have chewed me a new asshole. And they would have been justified in doing so.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

My daughter sent me this one today.

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. The I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo.... I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?"

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled.... "SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!"

While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened.

I was mortified! Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!! Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time...I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did."

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

Oh, Annie........I have to agree with Jim on this one. That was a rather sexist remark, in fun?? but sexist none-the-less. I think I probably started his day out good with my question about the meaning of I.T. ;>)

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

Lighten up Jim-Bob, I was being satirical, sometimes Auntie Em brings out the ornery in me, sorry if I offended you, or anyone else, though!!!

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2001

The clue should have been that it was under "Joy's joke's from another forum", but being the butt of endless, tasteless blonde jokes for my entire life made me think that everyone can take a joke now and then, but, again, I'm sorry Jim-Bob!!!

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2001

Annie, you're a BLONDE?!?!?! I had no idea . . . :-P

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2001

Yep, Joy, an Anglo-Saxon blonde for 42 years and counting, that's 42 years of blonde jokes, methinks that might explain my zest for misandric humor, remember, humor.

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2001

The jokes are SOOOO... funny. Diane, wouldn't it be great sometimes to have true freedom of speech like the kids.

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2001

Diane, you just made me laugh so hard my husband had to ask what I was laughing at. It honestly sounds like my son. He was picking his nose at nursery school (eeew I know) Anyhoo, his teacker Miss Kim was suggesting and then telling him to get a Kleenex and blow his nose and he kept refusing. Then she firmly said "Ben! Go get a Kleenex!" and he says " No! They DRY boogers!" as if she was an idiot. Another proud parent moment witnessed by many. :oD

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2001