major legal problems dealing with domestic abuse : LUSENET : Domestic Violence Accounts : One Thread

Hi, I would appreciate anyone's input on this. I will try to make this as short as I can. I was divorced from my sons mom over 10 years ago. In the process she got more than a bit upset because I decided to not work things out with her and then I actually got recommended for custody instead of her. ( We settled for full joint ) Since then, it has been a constant stream of accusations of physical abuse, verbual abuse, rape, being scared of her and our sons safety and other stuff. She has confronted everyone I have dated since and "informed them about the real me" None of this is true and besides alot of talking to cops and dealing with her repeated attempts to get my son away from me nothing had happened. Now, I got remarried in Feb 2000 to someone and this is where the fun starts. She forgot to tell me that she had tried committing suicide a few years back and was hospitalized for 3 weeks in another state. She was diagnosed then as being manic depressent. Things started going really bad as far as her acting strangly, becoming very hard to talk to and reason with, never happy, she started getting more violent and frankly crazy! She jumped out of my truck on one occasion going down the road 30 miles an hour and tried 2 other times but I could see it coming then and pulled over and hung on till she came back to her senses. There was a constant barrage of stuff like this. We were in some counceling - she was also diagnosed as being bi-polar and paranoid something or other. It was just unbelievable the things she did and said and how she reacted to normal everyday things. Last August (2000) She was having a really bad day, I was painting the house, I chose to ignore the situation ( at that point that was all I could do, I had had it emotionally ) She was packing her stuff again and on the way out she said something and I said just go and while I was kneeling down painting with my back to her she nailed me in the back of the head with her suitcase. She came after me like a mad woman, hitting and kicking and biting. I ended up with a 8 inch bruise on my leg where she bit me hard and drew blood. She wouldnt let go and I finally had to slap her to make her let go. Anyway, the cops were called, she was arrested. They also discovered she was drunk, I had no idea that there was even any booze in the house, she had it hid. We did more councelling and got back together. In Nov. the same thing. She went nuts again, cold clocked me as I walked in the bedroom, came after me again, I ended up holding her on the floor for 10 minutes while she constantly tried to hit me, kick me and she spit in my face at least 25 times. After all this, I lost it a bit and I slapped her across the mouth 4 times after she would spit at me. She still didnt stop. I called my son in and told him to call the cops. She then calmed down and begged me not to call cause she didnt want to lose her son. I didnt. She sat in the bedroom for over a hour crying, not talking to me. Now, remember my ex? My present wife had gone over there and talked to her earlier in the day. After all this had happened my ex called and wanted to talk to my son. I said no, not tonight cause I was upset she stuck her nose into my life again and hung up. Within 10 minutes I had cops all over the house. They hauled me away. I told them what had happened, my son told them what had happened. But, I got arrested because of my "past history" direct quote. I find out later that they never even had filed the charges against my wife from the first time. After this they did file them and they also filed new ones against her for this time. Now, even though I was the only one with bruises and marks both times, I am the only one that gets hauled away ( she was released into the custody of her parents the first time ) Within 2 months she had deferred prosecution offered to her on both accounts - she got off with nothing. I am still battling it out, they will not offer me the same deal as her. I am going to have to go to trial. I have never been in trouble before. I am a good dad, own my own business, have a good family, I dont drink or touch drugs. This is such bullshit. I am getting the shaft from a bitter old exwife and a not too stable present one ( we are getting divorced now ) The police lied about numerous things on the police report. My wife lied. My son said one thing and they would right down the complete opposite. My ex wife shows up and tells them to not believe a word my son says because he is doing nothing but protecting me and is scared of me. Here is where things stand. I am fighting this anyway I can. I have been in other relationships between these two and all them are going to testify on my behalf that I never in any way abused them and that I was always good to them. My son has decided he needs to stand up to his mom and next week we are filing papers to get full custody. He is a good kid and he knows where the truth lies. He used to try to tell his mom how messed up my soon to be ex is but she wouldn't listen to him. I am looking at thousands of dollars in legal bills, my business is going to hell, I cant concentrate on that. I gave everything I had to my soon to be ex to try and help her through her problems and learn to deal with it myself and this is what I get in return. She refuses to accept what she has and won't deal with it and will do whatever she can to protect herself as far as people seeing what is really inside her. I need help and advice please. Sorry this was so long.

-- Anonymous, December 13, 2001


Just remember that your and your sons life and safty are on the line do what ever it takes to get what you want. I just went though a pretty messy divorce myself one thing my lawyer told me to do is document everything down date, times ect. that will help you out in court. Because they might belive you more since you have everything written down verses people who just go off the top of there head. They see exact times and dates what was said they should be very impressed by that. Just remember that you are a victim of abuse and you don't have to take it anymore alonr with rest of us.

-- Anonymous, December 25, 2001

My story is John #1. It documents a similar life as yours. I defended myself on 2 occassions against false charges. Save yourself the money and defend yourself. Lawyers suck. Ron

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2002

Dave, I know what you are going through....if you are in Oklahoma, especially Oklahoma county, you are in big trouble....the district attorneys here are ignorant towards male domestic abuse and will lie or whatever it takes to obtain a conviction.....there is absolutely no justice in oklahoma courts.....Good Luck

-- Anonymous, March 24, 2002

It sucks in Oklahoma, specially for men. At Tulsa county a judge called Fransein has damaged and destroyed many fathers and their fianaces, just because she is a woman, in the name of protecting her own kind. She was promoted to district judge last year. This is what they call justice system. The father has been very fair to her, she has got many kids problems now and she wonders why. The woman in this county can do all kinds of wrong and never get caught. This Judge has destroyed my family and fianances. I have proved it to them that my ex is an alcoholic, emotionally unstable, a lesbian with a dysfunctional family, but no help for me. The ..... Lawyers feed off this sick situation and milk the custody battle as much as posssible, so men take care of your children and your fianances, the struggle is going to be very hard and long, may the wrath father get all the parties involve in destroying the families in this very blessed land.

-- Anonymous, May 29, 2003

Moderation questions? read the FAQ