FIRST NATIONAL BANK of Washington, Ill., tried to encourage business through billboard advertising, but conveyed quite a different message when the following ad was displayed: "Loans make life easier, at FIRST." -- Contributed to Reader's Digest "All In a Day's Work" by Walter J. Kukkonen

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. "I have a wife and three children and I'd love to have you visit us."

"Great. Where do you live?"

"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."

"Good. But tell me... what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"

"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."

While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The woman left her glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around.

The man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. When they finally arrived, as the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."

Quick Wit

A woman walked up to the manager of a department store. "Are you hiring any help?" she asked.

"No," he said, "We already have all the staff we need."

"Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?" she asked.

IN WICHITA, KAN., two rivers meet in mid-town. Some 5,000 Canada geese winter there, departing with clock-like regularity by the end of February. Last March, however, it was different. Driving along the riverbank, my daughter, son-in-law and I saw a small flock about half Canadas and half white geese grazing companionably together. "Why are those Canada geese still here?" I asked, surprised. My daughter had the perfect answer: "They must have married local girls." -- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by Mildred Prewett

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001