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http://www.qksrv.net/click-838783-6307424 Today's CyberSmile. . . MY PARENTS had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor. -- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by Mary M. Trivigno

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials.

"Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.

"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."

Quick Wit

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson.

"Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T?" she asked the instructor."

P-U-T-T is correct," he replied." P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. And P-U-T-T means a vain attempt to do the same thing."

ARRIVING at my first job as an office temp, I sat down at the computer terminal and turned it on. Fortunately it was menu-driven, making it easy for me to use the software. The menu gave me three choices: 1. Go to Microsoft Word. 2. Go to DOS. 3. Go to the Bahamas. Admiring the creative humor of the programmer, I smiled and, curious, chose the third option, the Bahamas. The computer screen responded: "Don't you wish!" -- Contributed to Reader's Digest "All In a Day's Work" by Jeannine M. Fertig

Dieter's Psalm

Strict is my diet. I must not want.

It maketh me to lie down at night hungry.

It leadeth me past the confectioners.

It trieth my willpower.

It leadeth me in the paths of alteration for my figure's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the aisles of the pastry department, I will buy no sweet rolls for they are fattening.

The cakes and the pies, they tempt me.

Before me is a table set with green beans and lettuce.

I filleth my stomach with liquids, My day's quota runneth over.

Surely calorie and weight charts will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the fear of scales forever.

-- Anonymous, December 29, 2001

Answers

Thanks! I needed that.

-- Anonymous, December 29, 2001