I have been in an abusive relationship for about ten years. I have left a few times always returning when I got weak. We have a four year old son between us. I feel badly about taking him away and I know I would never leave my son. My boyfriend, we are not legally married, has been physically abusive, but mostly verbally. He is very jealous. I find myself making excuses for him and feeling guilty. I have gotten more abusive myself because I get so angry.I was reading another message board at another website and they said I was jusst has much to blame because I was staying in the relationship. This made me feel worse. I have a male friend where I can go in another city. He has a job for me and an extra room for my son and I. The other website said he is abusive too for trying to help me when he knows this will bring about trouble, since my boyfriend is so jealous. I am confused. My friend is just trying to get me out of a bad situation. I am planning on leaving, but I don't know when. I feel so frustrated. Thank you

-- Anonymous, January 04, 2002

Answers

I would trust your own judgement. I don't think you should blame yourself for staying in the relationship -- it's something most abused people do. I would look at your behaviour and try to work on your own anger... often these things get mutually abusive. But trust yourself. If you think your friend's place is a better place for you, then be decisive, make the decision, and don't look back.

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2002

First off, this 'other website' you constantly mention sounds entirely off. The speculation that this state-distant friend of yours is abusive merely for the fact of attempting to help you is just that...speculation, and perhaps a twinge of idiocy. The responses to that message board sound ill-educated and off-course. It is mostly a decision your own, as Jade Rubick states, yet it should be best if you leave quietly as possible (slip out during an ungodly hour of the night) and jump a flight to your friend's place. Believe me, I tried it...it worked...my life is complete now.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2002

When I suggested you slip out, I meant in company of your son...

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2002