My daughter forwarded this to me, I think some of them are just hilarious!

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The Law of Cat Inertia: ================================================ A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

The Law of Cat Motion: ================================================ A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

The Law of Cat Magnetism: ================================================ All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

The Law of Cat Thermodynamics: ================================================ Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

The Law of Cat Stretching: ================================================ A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

The Law of Cat Sleeping: ================================================ All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

The Law of Cat Elongation: ================================================ A cat can make his body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

The Law of Cat Acceleration: ================================================ A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

The Law of Dinner Table Attendance: ================================================ Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

The Law of Rug Configuration: ================================================ No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

The Law of Obedience Resistance: ================================================ A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for him to do something.

The First Law of Energy Conservation: ================================================ Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

The Second Law of Energy Conservation: ================================================ Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

The Law of Refrigerator Observation: ================================================ If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

The Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: ================================================ Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

The Law of Random Comfort Seeking: ================================================ A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

The Law of Bag / Box Occupancy: ================================================ All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

The Law of Cat Embarrassment: ================================================ A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to his embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

The Law of Milk Consumption: ================================================ A cat will drink her weight in milk, squared, just to show you she can.

The Law of Furniture Replacement: ================================================ A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

The Law of Cat Landing: ================================================ A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

The Law of Cat Disinterest: ================================================ A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest her.

The Law of Pill Rejection: ================================================ Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

The Law of Cat Composition: ================================================ A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn't Matter.

The Law of Cat Paper ================================================ Any paper that can be shredded, will be shredded, especially any paper kept neatly on rolls.

The Law of Cat Nights ================================================ Cats with humans will wake them up hourly from 3:00 a.m. until the alarm clock goes off, whereupon the cat will promptly settle down for a well-deserved day's rest. Cats with humans on night shifts will alter their sleeping habits to accommodate their humans' odd schedule.

The Law of Cat Playing ================================================ A human's hand is not only good for petting it's also yummy and has a wonderful texture when a cat's claws are sunk deeply into it.

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 08, 2002

Answers

The formatting could be better, I just cntl c'd and cntl v'd. Sorry

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 08, 2002.

That there Caniadianianaianiaan equallllllllllllllls sign is long toreach from Montreal to Sockscatscheweon.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 08, 2002.

LOL, Robert! Sockscatscheweon? Does your cat chew on socks? Mine likes gloves better ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 08, 2002.

LOL Tricia. Now whatever happened to that ol' cat thread anyway? I'd like to read it again. Guess I'll go into the archives and try to find it. It'll remind me of Murphy (and who knows what else ;-)

-- (thesonofdust@Murphy's.gone), January 08, 2002.

Found it (and am still LOL, there are so many great posts) Anywho, here it is:

http://hv.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=001ZPa

Memories, memories. Even Carla posted on that thread (with turquiose hair no less ;-)

-- (thesonofdust@thosewere.thedaze), January 08, 2002.

That was TOO funny! :-)

Here's a link FRL 10

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), January 09, 2002.

Rob, I'm so sorry to hear that Murphy's gone. One of our cats disappeared between that thread and this one, so we have just 2 now, and the big fat one has lost a lot of weight (with vet's help) but is still the most gentle cat I've ever met.

Gayla, thanks for the link. I've had a lovely evening laughing and crying and reminiscing. Where did SOB go? His story about Tiger/Dawg is definitely one of the best. I'll bet he could get it published if he tried.

-- Tricia teh Cancuk (jayles@telusplanet.ent), January 11, 2002.

One of the cats disappeared ....

One of the cats was left over when one of the cats disappeared..

Significatly, the one that got left over when the cat disappeared got very fat.

The fat cat that got left over got thin again.

I'm inclined to be suspicious of the fat cat.

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 12, 2002.

Uh oh.

-- helen (cannibal@cat.is.cattibal?), January 12, 2002.

Let me see if I understand correctly...

The fat cat ate the one who disappeared? OR

The missing cat got the other cat pregnant and disappeared? (what happened to the babies?) OR

Robert isn't paying enough attention? ;-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), January 13, 2002.

Oh, dear! I didn't mean to make a mystery of it. The fat cat was fat before her sister disappeared. If the disappearance was voluntary, the kitten (who was unrelated to the two sister cats) was the likely cause; by driving away the one who disappeared. If it was involuntary, well, there have been coyotes seen within just a couple of blocks of our house, and people are the most dangerous predator of all.

Don't blame my poor, gentle, stupid cat for the disappearance of her sister! That is very unfair.

-- Tricia teh Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 13, 2002.

But, but, but, but........

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 14, 2002.

HE started it!

-- helen points at Robert (not@me.not.me), January 14, 2002.

Ok now, let's calm down a bit. Sheesh! I leave the room for a minute and already there are fingers pointing and talk about fat cats ;-) And why do things disappear? Why don't they disapeach, or disaplum.

Anyway, maybe that there cat who disappeared will show up in an FRLian story someday ;-)

-- (thesonofdust@disa.poopie), January 14, 2002.

THAT'S IT!!!!!

We need a story!!!

Tell us a story and we'll all be good. Purdy please?

-- Gayla (please@please.please?), January 14, 2002.

I'm innocent .... the cat might be innaquarter, but I'm innocent.

(Looking at hellenhandbasket ....)

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 14, 2002.

We need a cat story!!!

-- helen (cats@aliens.and.pretty.flowers.all.ina.row), January 14, 2002.

Is a row of cats a boatload or a cat fight?

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 15, 2002.

Good Sir: I think it depends on what row the cat is in. I like to sit towards the middle, but then again I ain't got 9 lives.

Helen: Thanks for volunteering to do a cat story! And one with aliens and flowers too ;-) Can't wait. When do you think you'll start it?

-- (thesonofdust@back.row), January 15, 2002.

(Singing out-of-tune melodiously and caterwailing...)

"Row, row, row your cat,

Gently tangerine,

Merrily, merrily, merrily .... "

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 16, 2002.

Helen?

Helen?????

Hmmmmn. Haven't herd any cat stories yet.

Taps foot. Gets cup of coffee while waiting..

-- Robert A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (cook.r@csaatl.com), January 17, 2002.

Oops! Sorry. Finals again. The FINAL finals. The program ends in about ten days. After that, you want stories, you got stories.

-- helen (shoves@nose.back.into.books), January 17, 2002.

OK - You're "finally forgiven" .... but don't let it happen again. And that's a final warning. 8<)

-- R. A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (racookpe@earthlink.net), January 20, 2002.

Good luck on your finals, Helen!! I'll bet you ace them :-)

And I just couldn't let Robert have the final word ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 21, 2002.

We're rooting for you Helen! And that's my final answer! ;-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), January 21, 2002.

(in best game show announcer voice....)

Is THAT your final answer, Helen?

-- R. A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (racookpe@earthlink.net), January 21, 2002.

I made an A!

I wanted to meet you guys some day, so I got another job to pay for the plane ticket. Then I got a better job. Then I saw this school could get me into an even better job. So I spent all the money from my job on the school instead of the plane ticket(s). So, I still can't see you guys for a few more months, but I owe it all to you. I really did go back to school because I knew YOU. I got my husband to go back to school too, although he doesn't know you guys have anything to do with it. ;)

Stories on the way, as soon as I resume other normal activities like eating and kissing the mule.

-- helen (eyeballs@slowly.rolling.back.into.normal.position), January 22, 2002.

And her final answer is ...... (waiting for the drumstick roll, breast meat, mashed potatoes, gravy and thighs) ........

"A!"

-- R. A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (racookpe@earthlink.net), January 22, 2002.

And that's the correct answer, Helen! ;-)

Congratulations!

Does this mean you have to go job hunting again?

All my best, to a real winner!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 22, 2002.

Hooray for Helen!

You da woman! :-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), January 23, 2002.

Yeah, yeah, anybody could make an A with a brand new, one-owner, never-been-dropped brain!

Personally, I'm working my way through remedial Hooked on Phonics, so you ain't the only one with higher education.

-----

-- Lon Frankestein (evil@the.bayou), January 23, 2002.

I'm workin on my P.H.D.

(Plumbing, Heating, and Drinking)

-- (sonofdust@phd.someday), January 23, 2002.

I love you guys...sniffle...

-- helen (perfessor@to.youse), January 23, 2002.

Yessir, ma'am, perfesser, sir ;-)

-- Tricia the Canuck RRT, RPSGT (me_too@bragging.rights), January 26, 2002.

__o__^..^__o__

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), January 26, 2002.

Cool, Mitch!

Welcome back :-) Hint : Try to stay on Gayla's good side this time!

-- Tricia the Cnauck (jayles@telusplane.tnet), January 28, 2002.

Why??? Any of you that want to come to Country Families and test your brains aganist my daily stumpers feel free or read my stories at Bear Bait Mountain Tales- stories/quotes. Gaylas email addy is fake!! But I think she still loves me??!!

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), January 28, 2002.

Here is a cat story from Snopes (Urban Legends - true story) with a happy ending:

Cat Caught In Garbage Disposal

-- SteveOH (thegoofycat@hotmail.com), January 29, 2002.

Apologies to all you fruitcakes:

Try this:

HCat Caught In Garbage Disposal

-- SteveOH (thegoofycat@hotmail.com), January 29, 2002.

Steve, no need to apologize... that story is LOL enough to have been worth posting twice! Thanks for the URL :-)

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), January 29, 2002.

Cat lovers, and cat brothers, and cat haters, and cat tolerators may enjoy this thread over on FreeRepublic.com

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/fr/620170/posts

(To make a reply, you'll have to login. Click on the [Reply] button anf follow the instructions.)

-- R. A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (racookpe@earthlink.net), February 01, 2002.

Didn't Helen promise us a story when she finished her exam? Well??? Didn't she?!?!

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 11, 2002.

There are two brewing. The problem is, the first one, the one that is tantalizingly close to being finished and posted right here where YOU get to see it first -- the first one screams for italics. And I don't know how to make italics.

-- helen (got@yer.stories.right.here), February 11, 2002.

Hummmmmmn.

Mistress helen.....

Or Mike the Mule, (whichever is responsible for brewing stories)

... The beer thread is a different one.

This one is a cat thread. The other one is a beer thread.

.... and I don't know about italics, but there are a lot people in Rome who seem to be able to reproduce italics quire frequently. (Would it help if we Fedex'ed Mike to Rome to let him do some research?)

-- R. A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (racookpe@earthlink.net), February 11, 2002.

Girl! If all you're waiting for is instructions in italics, then let me help you! :-)

In HTML, you always use the 'less than' symbol < at the beginning of your instructions, and the 'greater than' symbol > at the end. Everything else will be in between those. Italics are easy. It's simply an I. Put it in between those two symbols and you'll have italics. Don't use any spaces before or after the I.

Now, to turn OFF the italics, you will use this symbol / in front of the I. You will put /I inside the < and > symbols. NO spaces.

To use bold is just as easy. Use a B instead of an I. Just don't forget to turn it back off when you're done.

STORY TIME! :-)

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), February 12, 2002.

In HTML, you always use the 'less than' symbol < at the beginning of your instructions, and the 'greater than' symbol > at the end. Everything else will be in between those. Italics are easy. It's simply an I. Put it in between those two symbols and you'll have italics. Don't use any spaces before or after the I.

Now, to turn OFF the italics, you will use this symbol / in front of the I. You will put /I inside the < and > symbols. NO spaces.

To use bold is just as easy. Use a B instead of an I. Just don't forget to turn it back off when you're done.

STORY TIME! :-)

Is this right?

-- helen (goofball@writer.needs.a.job), February 12, 2002.

I did it! I did it! I did it!

-- helen (getting@ready.to.let.er.rip), February 12, 2002.

Ok, now I have another question:

If I create the document in Word, using these nifty symbols to get my italics, do I save it as an HTML document? Then cut and paste to the submit screen?

-- helen (ooooh@this.is.fun!), February 12, 2002.

Gayla .... I thought you said that was a lesson in italics.

Now I've never been to Italy, and I know I don't type in Roman (or even Egyptian Htmlglyphics), but I'm sure that "really" was a bold lesson in plaid english......

-- R. A. Cook, PE (Marietta, GA) (racookpe@earthlink.net), February 12, 2002.

Helen, you're a braver woman than I, GungaDin! The last time I played with html, I managed to change the font to white and couldn't see anything :-) So I gave it up as a bad job and stole Diane's habit of using *'s to emphasize my writing. Perhaps I should borrow some courage (from a bottle, maybe? ;-), and try again.

However, I am stil *impatiently* awaiting the promised story!!!

-- Tricia teh Cancuk (jayles@telusplanet.net), February 13, 2002.

Well I've never been to Spain, but I've been to Oklahoma. ;-)

I've also been to Italy... (talk about grapes growing EVERYWHERE!) and I can tell you Robert, they DO speak English there. Not sure if it's plaid English or striped, ;-) but they speak it.

Hooray Helen! You DID IT! :-) I've never saved a Word document as HTML. Some of the regular symbols don't convert, but maybe if saved as HTML they will???

-- Gayla (privacy@please.com), February 13, 2002.

Hokay...gonna try to get it online by late night 2-14. Thanks for the help!

-- helen (first@one.on.the.way), February 13, 2002.