What are my rights if I have been falsely accused of elder abuse by another family member? Where do I go to for help? Who can I consult with? Is this slander or deformation of character? Can I sue?

-- Anonymous, January 15, 2002

Answers

Hi. This happened to me. My Mom, with AD, wandered away from her home nurse ONE TIME, got confused and went to a neighbor's house for help getting home. We had just moved into a new house and she had not yet become familiar. Neighbor reported me. It was a nightmare! But, back to you. You could call several places. I would recommend that you call (anonymously!) to your local State DHS or Protective Services and ask them about accusations, investigations, false accusations, etc. Also call your state/county/local Area Aging (may be a similar name - that's what ours is called) and ask them your questions. Call your state Bar Association's reffal service and get the names of Geriatic Attorneys - they'll ususlly refer you to 3. The first consultation is usually free. There may be local Case Management Services, private or public, who can help you navigate the maze. If your mother has a doctor you trust, spill the entire story to this doc and ask for referrals to assistance agencies. You need INFORMATION, Sweetie, more than anything else. Perhaps, by some state or local law, you actually are doing something that could be considered Elder abuse. If so, you need to know that, determine the best way to get an Rx or whatever for your actions if you believe you are justified; or perhaps change some behavior. If your mother (let's just say your mother is the Elder in question)wants your help in some area - say with handling her finances - get yourself a Limited Power of Attorney and you'll be home free. You will have to account for your spending on her behalf, but you won't be accused of abuse. You might want to have a P of A for wider purposes if your Mom is becoming incapacitated and is going to rely on you to make decisions if she becomes unable to make those decisions herself. Again, you'll need legal assistance, but it's simple. If you can't afford a lawyer, go to Legal Aid. Just get every imaginable document and do everything you can to protect your mother, her assets, and yourself from false accusations and from financial trouble. I wasn't well informed, and now have found myself financially responsible for paying off over $40,000 in Mom's expenses and such, because I did not know how to protect myself! I handled her finances for years, but she went through a stage where she kept getting more and more credit cards, always listing me as a person allowed to charge to those accounts, without my knowledge. She bouught crazy stuff and ran up tens of thousands of charges that I had to go too court to get off my credit report. Some, due to technicalities, I can't have removed, so they are still listed on my credit rating. So - it's worth every buck you spend if you are going to be Mom's caregiver, eventually, and if anything like this accusation (which can come from a bank, a neighbor, a sibling, etc.,) is made. Also - there is not much recourse for you unless it's a defamation of character thing. Most states have laws which protect the "abuse" reporter, to encourage folks to make reports without fear of reprisal. Apparently somebody has abused that protection and now you are stuck with it. Good Luck!

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002