On my thread customer treatment we found out how you are treated by those who wait on you in businesses now to be fair to those who do wait on us lets suppose that you are at the store or any business in work clothes and are treated poorly because perhaps of your apperance. Now you leave the business upset because of the treatment but you have to hurry home because you are going out to a fancy party where you have to look your best.

You go home shower or bathe, you fix yourself up real nice. Your hair is perfect your nails and hands are clean your clothes look great on you. You jump in your car and you're on your way to the party. You decide to stop at the store for breath mints. You get your mints walk up to the cashier and there is a person who looks as if though they have not bathed in weeks. They have scabs on their arms and hands and maybe on their faces. They have no teeth and they seem very limited when it comes to their vocabulary. What is your treatment of them. Do you feel superior because of how sharp you look on this night or are you still the same as the person who goes to the store in work clothes? Remember the person who waited on you is a wreck yet they are very very nice to you.

I will go first.

Even though when I dress up I feel great about myself I have found that I do not feel less towards those who are working and are not dressed up to go out on the town.

I also find that it really depends on what happens. If there is any type of contact I become very nervous yet I still try to show them that I appreciate their politeness by smiling and looking at them and not at the wall or counter top. I will usually wait until I am in the car and will look back to make sure that they can not see me as I reach for a napkin to wipe the spittle off. I will look my hands over to make sure there is no fluid from the money exchange. Will I go there again "Yes" I like a person who is very nice and I know the chances are good that they do not have anything that is going to infect me. Will I look them in the eye and smile when I go back even though the last time they thanked me for for doing business they spit on me? "Yes" Why would I go back to do business with these people instead of search out a place where those behind the counter were better kept? Because those better kept rude people spit when they talk also and who knows what they may have that might infect me. I like to take my chances with the nicer people.

-- george (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), January 17, 2002

Answers

George, dear, I think you worry too much.

-- Rose (open_rose@hotmail.com), January 17, 2002.

Is this the same thread that came down a few days ago? Please learn to express your problems with an exact defination, it will save a lot of space.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), January 17, 2002.

Rose, not really. I just like to play fair.

-- george (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), January 17, 2002.

If this is the way this is going to start out I would like for Ken to delete this thread.

-- george (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), January 17, 2002.

George, whos rules are you playing with? Yours or the worlds? There are saints in bib overalls and devils in $1,000.00 suits and the other way around. Learn to define the problem, and stop striking out blindly; we can understand if you can produce a valid problem or take your ball and go home.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), January 17, 2002.

Hi Mitch, How are you doing today? I hope that you are doing fine. By the way I have wanted to tell you how much I have enjoyed the Mitch stumpers. I find them to be a lot of fun. You must keep very busy with the research. I just thought I would tell you how much I enjoy them just in case no one has lately. George

-- george (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), January 17, 2002.

George, I didn't respond to your question the other day so here goes to this one and I'm glad they didn't delete the thread because it makes one think about their own actions and how they treat others.

Unfortunately, I still live within the grid. I am a professional with my own office which requires that I "dress up" for work daily. When I don't have to be somewhere, I like to dress in jeans, etc. I have had salesman come into my office and think that I am a secretary because of the way that I'm dressed. For the last 13 years, it has amazed me that they still haven't learned to be respectful and courteous to whoever I am. Instead, they speak to me as if I'm just some idiot who can't do anything to help their sale. I let them go through the routine and then politely advise them that I am the owner of the business. Their whole demeaner changes and the sweet, smiling act comes on. I wouldn't buy anything from someone who has no concept of what it is to be respectful to a fellow human being no matter how the person is dressed and what they can do for them.

As a child my mother taught me never to look down on anyone else because as she always used to say: "There but for the grace of God go I."

My business requires that I deal with people that you describe above on a daily basis and most of them are drug addicts, sex offenders, etc. and not nice people. But, I look them in the eye when I speak to them and listen when they speak to me. I put my hand out and shake theirs and I give them the respect they deserve as a fellow human being. I learned that from a very wonderful old man I worked for when I first started out. Clothes don't make the person. I am what I am whether I'm dressed or in jeans (which I prefer). I refuse to allow people with bad attitudes to ruin my day and I always try to smile and say hello because it may be the only time someone takes the time out of their day to acknowledge that person's existence.

Sorry I may have rambled but thanks George for the question. Hope you don't mind my answer. - Sheryl

-- Sheryl in NJ (all295@aol.com), January 17, 2002.

Hi Sheryl.

Thanks for posting. I posted this thread to put a twist on my other thread and yes I did want people like me to stop and think of how they may treat the cashier if things were turned around.I certainly do not spend my whole life thinking about this but when I read all the post to my original thread it got me to thinking about what I wrote in this thread. It just surprises me that someone would actually stop to comment on it at all if they found it meaningless my question is why not just move on without commenting. Oh well I guess in ball games that's the way the ball bounces. George

-- george (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), January 17, 2002.

George,

Sometimes when we think about things, we don't like our own response so we get defensive. - Sheryl

-- Sheryl in NJ (all295@aol.com), January 17, 2002.

Matthew 22:1-13

-- Kevin (kevinmail@earthlink.net), January 17, 2002.

George, I read your thread on the 15th, I do not understand what the problem is; can you put it in a nutshell? My biggest problem was not being able to express myself as to feelings at an earlier age; I had feeling but could not state them in that I was too young and inexperienced; it messed up two marriages, as a result I am alone at a old age. At my sundown age I recommend a self examination search; clerks in a store are a reality, they exist for a purpose, which is taking your money in exchange for the owners profit and the thing that make your life move smoother. Money is a lubricant, not a reality. It only existis as a way to make things move from where they are to where you need them to move. It appears you are seeking a target with out a reason or a purpose obveious to others, back up, breath, today I walked out of a auto supply house because the clerk choise to answer the phone instead of paying attention of me; I spent the time to go there, I spent the money for gas, I was ready to spend money on a part I needed; the clerk ignored me to answer the phone. When he got back I said " I am here, I have money to spend, Pay attention to me, i spent money to be here, I have money to spend here". The phone rang again, the clerk went to answer the phone as I walked out of the door, going to his competor to purchase the part needed.

People are too stupid to understand words, but smart enought to understand the differance between thick and thin wallets. I am a toothless, balding, old fart who could not attract any female in to my world now, but I still understand human nature; define the real problem; not the surface one your posting with.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), January 17, 2002.

George, I have this game I play when shopping. I smile at everybody just to see how many smile back. I am amazingly successful. When dealing with sales people I am always nice--- even when there is a problem and it may be a stretch for me. I may be firm with my complaint or problem but I am always nice. It is called charm and grace..... something this southern girl learned from her grandmother. I chat with people in line, and generally have never met a stranger. Once it got me in serious trouble. I was shopping in a small town grocery store as was my regular habit. I had 3 small chilren in tow. At the check outs, I smiled and made a friendly ( I thought anyway) comment to the lady in front of me. She was slow at the checkout but I was in no hurry. One of my children accidently pushed the buggy a bit too much and bumped her. Not hard just a good nudge. She came unglued and physically attacked me. While she was flailing away and screaming bloody murder, every sales clerk in the store came to my rescue as well as the manager. I had to restrain them from hurting her. Customers all came to the front and testified to the police on my behalf..... I was shaken and my kids terrified but I held up well until we got to the car. My oldest son said,"Wow, Mom! You have lots of friends." I didn't know half of the people by name. Yes- that woman looked a bit like I would imagine a psycho to look but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I still try very hard to....but it is harder now.

-- Tana Mc (mcfarm@totelcsi.net), January 17, 2002.

Thank you, Sheryl and Tana (and others, I'm sure) for your lovely posts..........

-- Earthmama (earthmama48@yahoo.com), January 17, 2002.

George my son, iv'e been working in retail for 24 year and my rule of thumb is to kill them with kindness. aka: treat others as you would like to be treated.

-- Martin (martinh@wightman.ca), January 18, 2002.

I like to check-out at the registers where I know that the cashier is quick and will purposely get into the line of cashiers I've had before that I know are fast. I don't care what they look like or how they are dressed. If I happen to get one that is new, slow, can't count, grumpy, etc., I'm still friendly and 99% of the time I get a friendly response in turn. Hey, I don't know what their home lives are like, or what happened to them before they came to work. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. We had a really crabby waitress one night and we (my husband and I) decided to be extra friendly to her. She started talking to us, she'd been working an 11-hour shift, she was exhausted (it was Thanksgiving). She was really nice to us the rest of the night and even gave us our choice of pie to go. Kindness goes a long way.

-- Sharon (spangenberg@hovac.com), January 18, 2002.

George-I live in a sparsly populated area where, for good or not, we all know everyone pretty well, so I have a problem off the bat with that particular scenario here, because if old Fred showed up for work in this place unbathed for weeks with no teeth, I can think of twelve busy body old ladies off the bat that would have had some strong words with old Fred's family as to what was going on, or a little chat with Ms. Patty, the County social worker.

But lets say I venture to the Bright lights of some town and I pop in for my mints. I'd say, "Please may I have some mints, thank you very much," if I felt the need, I have some waterless hand sanitizer in my glove box. I probably just wouldn't think much about it.

But, this seems to bother you so I will say this, we are allways communicating-even if we don't speak. A lot of it is subliminal, you pick up and give off messages even if you are not aware of it. How we dress, hold ourselves, speak-not in words but in tone, the combination of words, eye contact, how you tie your shoes, all those things and more give off messages that you pick up ACCORDING TO HOW YOU ARE TRAINED (or "brought up") to recieve those messages.

In this community, a person walking into a store in work clothes and grubby hands is not given a second thought. Its basically a farming community-work clothes means people are working. But a person who hasnt bathed in weeks -and there is a difference in fresh sweat and that that has been around for a while and has stubby teeth, and scabs and all that, would get some notice-like I said people would be finding out the situation. In a large city, the unwashed person would be "invisable" because people there avoid stinky people they don't know-and I would have to say, I probably would too-I'd be real cautious.

A lot depends on your life experience too. My husband has worked on construction jobs with people on parole. He's also worked in offices with "suits" He once told me (I THINK he was joking) that if I needed help sometime-say my car broke down, and I had a choice of asking for help from a guy who looked like a biker (long hair, tatoos leather) or a guy in a three piece suit to go with the biker.

-- Kelly (homearts2002@yahoo.com), January 18, 2002.

George,I think you bring up a good point,we all so often judge by looks,but yet when we are judged we get pissed. I try my hardest to never judge by looks,since I do not want to be judged.One thing I do notice when I am rough looking ,after barn cleaning or what ever I never judge cause I am sure folks are saying to them selves "boy she needs help" lol.

-- renee o'neill (oneillsr@home.com), January 18, 2002.

Hey there George, I really wouldn't care who was waiting on me behind the counter. I'm there for a purpose, which is to purchase something, and as long as the cashier isn't rude to me, then the task has been accomplished. My mind is usually on a million other thoughts, so the way a person dresses is not even a drop in the bucket in my life. I try to live my life by "Don't judge a book by it's cover" and "What you think of yourself is much more important than what others think of you"....Seneca.

Ya know, I think being on this earth for almost 45 years, I've learned a few things. I remember being in a health class in highschool. We had to go to the gym and learn how to square dance. My "partner" was a really overweight kid. When we got back to the class, (I sat right up front), I was "joking" with my friends about my dance partner and talking like I was so much better. The teacher never looked up from the paper he was reading and said "Maybe he didn't want to dance with YOU." I'll never forget it. And I also felt ashamed because the way I was talking was not the way I was raised. A good lesson learned years ago.

-- Annie (mistletoe6@earthlink.net), January 18, 2002.

Thanks george, another great thread! I try to be warm and friendly to everyone I meet. I smile, and if I can, I say hello. It's that simple. I've had rude cashiers and it doesn't bother me a bit. I have no idea why that person is crabby, but it's their problem, not mine. As for them being scabby or whatever, I don't have to sleep with them so what do I care.

-- Ardie /WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), January 18, 2002.

I also work in retail. At a Co-op (feed store type) with a garden centre. I agree very strongly with the 'kill with kindness' concept. We are a small community, but our clientelle ranges from large scale farmers, small scale weekend and hobby farmers, to city gardeners looking for a $1,000 fountain for their 1/2 acre garden. So the variety of people that frequent our store goes full range from soup to nuts. (We'll not discuss the nuts today). I have learned that every one of those customers knows something that I don't. And I'm sure there's something I know that they don't. To get to the cleanliness issue, what about mechanics? Stopping at the store for something on your way home, you don't have much choice about what you're wearing. The ones that get me are the farmers. The majority clean up before they come to town. But we have a few that seem to walk straight from the barn to the truck and come waltzing in to the store. No consideration for the fact that if they have a sick pig and are coming to the store to get medication, that they may well be bringing their disease in to pass on to someone else's critters.

So many ways to look at the same issues. One of my favorite customers is one of the toothless fellows. Although he's not the cleanest, you can tell he washed his face and hands before coming to town. The man doesn't have the greatest vocabulary, but man, does he know a lot of stuff. I always greet him with the same joke 'there's the youngest one of those **** boys!' (He's not, of course). Then I pick is brains for the answer to my latest dilema.

In our store we carry bags of feed, bagged manure, fertilizers, and we have a trap line for mice that needs to be checked regularly. We're always getting dirty. But we're not shy - the hand sanitizer is right on the counter.

We all have good days and bad days. And there are always customers that are unpleasant no matter what. And that's why some of us see them coming and do 'rock, scissors, paper' to see who has to deal with them today!

-- bernie (bernadette_kerr@hotmail.com), January 18, 2002.

George, if I went into a business where the help was as you described and they were spitting I would try to stand far enough away so their spit did not hit me. And if their spit did hit me I would probably be reluctant to go back in as that is a good way to get sick.

-- fred in sw Iowa (fred@mddc.com), January 18, 2002.

No Kelly, your husband was not joking. Men in beard and leather wear them to repulse nonthinking humans whos goal is SELF. Thats why I do.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), January 18, 2002.

Mitch-he probably wasn't. Sometimes its hard to tell..

I know once when I was changing a flat tire in a public parking lot- the only person who even offered to help was a guy in work clothes- jeans and stuff, Hands were clean but kind of raw looking, and I could see little flecks of saw dust in his hair. Also, I was trying once to carry packages with my hand in a cast and guy who looked like a cross between Lief EriKson and one of Hell's Angels very politly said "could I help you with those Ma'm?" Nobody else did.

-- Kelly (homearts2002@yahoo.com), January 18, 2002.

Interesting thread, George and everyone. I learned some very interesting lessons about people when I sold auto parts for 11 years in my first career. We had many regulars, and I made it my goal to find the sweet spot that I learned all crabby people have. I found that killing people with kindness and respect just brought out the best in everyone. I earned a lot of respect in return from crusty men who at first never wanted me to wait on them 'cause I was female (and it was 20 years ago), but by trying harder than the other counter help (who were men)I learned more, and the customers learned they were more likely to get the right part from me cause I cared. I learned many life lessons from those sometimes sour, dirty, chauvanistic farmers and mechanics just by treating them with the respect they deserved just by being human. (And yes, sometimes they spit on me when they talked to me and I did wipe it off later. It's just human nature)

-- Debbie in MO (risingwind@socket.net), January 19, 2002.