there was a article in newspaper about children comeing home, with kids and hubbys, and moveing back into moms house. And how the grand parents were trying to adapt.Speaking for myself, I can"t even amagine it, They come out to visit on Sundays for the Sunday dinners. But I am ready for them to go home.I like my comfy chair, and my tv, programs, which they can"t stand.{Hallmark movies]History channel]Even My food tastes are differant. No junk, Lots of veg"s. The thing is my kids are one week away from a total mess, if they lost there job. Just some thoughts. Irene

-- Irene texas (tkorsborn@cs.com), January 19, 2002

Answers

I had to laugh at you Irene because I've thought about the "horrors" of it myself. LOL Our 2 aren't married and no children either but heaven help us, I don't want them to come home to live anymore than they want to. People dread the empty nest, I was one of them, but I love it. My husband and I are so content in our own little world. Like you we have our comfy chairs, we eat differently than we used to and the house has become our haven from the world.

For those of you with children at home, don't get me wrong. I loved raising my children, tucking them into bed at night, holding them and reading them stories, going to school functions, ballgames, dance recitals, etc. but nature gets us ready to accept each new phase of our lives and this is where we are now and happy to be here.

Our children have good jobs but they spend every penny they make. They live like there will never be a rainy day for them so why would they save anything for it :( Like yours Irene, they're a week or two from total messes but if "it" hits the fan, like they say, I know we'll be here for them and so will you when all is said and done. After all, that's called being a parent, right? Let's just keep our fingers crossed shall we :)

-- Anna in Iowa (countryanna54@hotmail.com), January 19, 2002.

If that happened,we'd have to put our foot/feet down right away. Two families living under the same roof is hard. I've lived with in-laws and it's not comfortable.

It's especially not comfy if all the women are homemaker types, and everyone wants to be the cook.

And it's more than a matter of 'it's my house' it should be a matter of respect. If they would ever have to move in with you, then they need to show you the utmost respect and you need to be patient with them. Let's pray that it doesn't come to this.

-- Cindy (SE. IN) (atilrthehony@hotmail.com), January 19, 2002.

I saw a little spot on the news last night about the local food bank. They interviewed a lady, whose boyfriend had just been layed off and her business had taken a downturn, so they were at the food bank. Perhaps I wasn't listening closely, but it seemed to say they'd had a combined income over 50K, and had both been out of work for a short time. I couldn't help wondering how you go to nothing in that short a time. But it's true, I guess, that most people do not keep savings, or food storage, just go from check to check.

I know my parents have taken in siblings with their families from time to time when they have been between things. Heck, they took my family in once years ago during a move, for maybe a month or so, when it was just me and hubby and firstborn. They'd never last that long with us now. A one week visit usually shortens to less when the children start getting on their nerves.

I know we are capable of more, and of making do when times require it, but I do worry about my siblings who keep no reserves of anything.

-- mary (marylgarcia@aol.com), January 19, 2002.

Well we have talked about it. My folks have the best set up with my brother on a decent chunk of land and they did it on part as a "just in case it all goes south" scenario. I do NOT relish the thought, but if it comes to survival, then blood will always be there in my clan. I moved out the day after I graduated from high school and thankfully never moved back home, but I guess seeing the curve balls life sometimes throws I have come to the point where I would "never say never" in that scenario. That doesn't excuse foolish behaviour, but my siblings who live in the city have no way to even garden in some of their situations. It's unbelievably, outlawed in my one sister's community....and they made that restriction after they had bought.

-- Doreen (animalwaitress@yahoo.com), January 19, 2002.

We lived in my in-laws basement for about four months-though it was more a matter of logistics than economy-We were building our house, and there was a gap between leaving one place and moving into another so instead of renting for four months, we camped out there-it was awfull!!!! We all tried real hard to consider each others feelings and space and all that, and fortuantly we didn't have any big problems, and the best thing was we knew it was all temporary that helped tremendously, but still...We felt like we were intruding on them, even though they insisted on us staying, and I think they started to resent us a little....but wouldn't (or couldn't)admit it. I know I was miserable becouse all my house stuff was packed up and I couldn't do homemaker mom routine-hers is quite a bit different from mine. We love living across the creek from them, it was another story in the same house.

On the other hand, my sister lived with us last summer, she was "in between jobs" and that worked out great. She stayed with the kids so hubby and I could get away for a weekend, she was a life saver when my Mother in Law had to be hospitialized, we had a great time gardening and canning-its allways great to have extra hands at canning time. We were all sorry to see her go!!!!

Many, many relitives came to stay with us over the holidays-my MIL is very ill and everyone wanted to see her, but they didn't want to bother her at her house so they stayed with us!!! And that was fine. I was quite surprised though- we were talking about Sept 11 and what we would do if things got bad-say an attack on a nuclear plant or something and all these relitives said-"Why, we'd come here of course" I don't know what I'd do if a whole family came..... It is definatly something I'm thinking about now.

-- Kelly in Ky (Homearts2002@yahoo.com), January 19, 2002.

We stayed with my parents for a couple of weeks between houses, and I just got completely spoiled! At the time we had a 2 1/2 year old and a 4 week old baby with colic. I felt so guilty because every night while I was sitting up with the baby here would come daddy and take him away from me, lay down in his recliner with Nick on his stomach and rub his back. I felt as though it were imposing on him, but he was lapping it up; Daddy always loved babies, especially his grandsons (they had 5, no granddaughters). I was very thankful for them being willing to "keep" us, but I would definitely NOT have wanted to make that arrangement permanent.

On the other hand, I have a 36 year old cousin who still lives at home with his parents, never married, good job, owns his own farmland and cattle also! Weird! I moved out at 17 to go to college, and never went back for more than a summer between semesters! I can't imagine! He seems normal, and they seem to like having him there. His mom makes sure he has laundry done and since he works odd hours, makes sure he eats at least one hot meal a day. I guess it works for them!

-- Christine in OK (cljford@mmcable.com), January 19, 2002.

I have 4 grown children and 6 grandchildren. I love them all dearly but DO NOT want them to come live with me!!! I am also sure they would Not want to either! My son and his wife and two small kids stayed with us for 3 weeks a couple of years ago while they were looking for a house. As much as I love them, I sure was glad to see them leave and I feel sure they were glad to go!! Families need their privacy. And as someone mentioned, we all have our "habits" and different diets and it just doesn't work that well having multiple families under one roof unless each has their own privacy and by that I mean more than just a bedroom and most of us don't have that kind of room. Of course, if there were some type of disaster, they would be welcome here. It would only be short term only though. If it for some reason turned out it had to be long term, they would be building themselves a cabin of sorts on our property with our help of course!

-- Barb in Ky. (bjconthefarm@yahoo.com), January 19, 2002.

My parents were always of the "you CAN go home again" frame of mind, and I was always grateful for that. They never did hold with the "boot 'em at 18" mentality. In fact, they were sad when we did go, they were of the old school that you stayed home 'til you DID get married.

Now, I probably would take kids and grandchildren back, but not necessarily the spouse. I would not want some stranger, even though married, living in my house, except under extraordinary circumstances, and they had better be of sterling character. I will not support someone in a bad marriage (better no marriage than a bad one, imho).

I definitely would have a written rental agreement and so forth, so that in the unlikely case I would have to go to court to collect on rents, loans, and so forth, I could prevail. That is just prudent in today's society.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), January 19, 2002.

we actually have a plan in place in the event of a national "depression" or, some other financial disaster: I LOVE the way the Amish recognize the need for generations to co-exist, but not be in each others faces...the generation house is ideal..When the oldest son buys the farm (they actually BUY it, mortage and all) the next thing you see is the older generation having an addition built onto the farmhouse..they move into that section and then the young growing family has the "big" rooms.....our plan is to always have enough lumber, etc. hanging around to be able to build at least 4 cabins...two rooms are plenty here, using the big house for showers and communal meals, etc...the cabins are for sleeping and reading and being young marrieds alone, etc.....We have that lumber now and the kiddos all understand (and appreciate) that if push came to shove, they would have a wonderful time putting all those cabins up and installing their wood stoves, etc....we already made a tentative list of everyone's talents..why have the oldest boy go out and hunt when he hates guns and loves the carpenter tools? The youngest wouldn't know a hammer from a chisel without directions, but is an expert marskman..one daughter-in-law sews all by hand, and the oldest daughter is an organizational whiz..point is, we like our idea of "communal " living in a pinch because each would have their own "space' and yet still contribute to the entire familys' needs with their own talents and abilities.....that's why I never worry about how my kiddos or my husband and I would make out in a disaster..got it under control ahead of time....it also helps a great deal to choose to live where there are NO zoning laws LOL!

-- lesley (martchas@bellsouth.net), January 19, 2002.

Believe me, my children DO NOT want to move in here with me! They know me much too well.

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), January 19, 2002.

I have a feeling everyone would move in with me! We are going to fix the barn up with a bunk-house. The ouhouse is just out back, so it should work out fine!

-- Melissa (me@home.net), January 19, 2002.

Hoowee--been there, done that, more than once, I might add. Had our son, his lovely wife, and their friend here for 5 months, our daughter lived with us off and on, with her little girl, then back again with hubby and two kids, (but that's the last time she will live with me!) We all got along, but it does put a strain on everyone. You slip into the "parent" role, and they into the "child", and there is sometimes resentment, but you can do it, if you all work at it. In Hawaii, it is very common for several generations to live together, and you just add on to the house, the way the Amish do. Land is just too scarce and homes are expensive to do otherwise. Seems to work for them, but I hope we don't have to do it again! Jan

-- Jan in Co (Janice12@aol.com), January 19, 2002.

We've worked out a pretty good thing here. My husband's parents came here in 70's-found the place in an ad in a Mother Earth News! They bought 35 acres. When MIL's parents retired in thier early seventies, they moved here. They bought a nice double wide trailer and put it on one corner of the property. I don't know what finacial arrangements they made, but I do know the Grandparents paid for some road and property improvements. When we wanted to build a house, parents deeded us a couple of acres, in another corner-its ours, free and clear. (We needed that to finance the house) There is also a provision that the rest of thier property can not be sold unless ALL FOUR siblings agree and we have first offer at it. this was written up in a will, as there was a sister in law who started talking about "her" share of the land!!!! Two of the siblings want us to use the property, as long as they can come to visit. Any way, we all have our own house, and the property is situated so that we could (if we wanted) dance around in our yards in our nudie suits, but they are in easy walking distance, so I can make a morning walking loup and check to see how everyone is doing. Unfortunantly, my MIL has since contracted Lou Gerhig's disease and now needs lots of care-but hey! we are here and can do that. we have dinner at one of the houses at least once a week-usually more than that. Its also great because we share big ticket items-One pick-up truck, one riding mower, one tractor etc etc. The grandparents get to spend time with our kids, we can all look after each other, its really worked out well.

-- Kelly in Ky (Homearts2002@yahoo.com), January 19, 2002.

Well, my parents believe you can go back home, as well. At age 20, I asked permission to move out! (I needed them to continue to pay for my braces in order to afford to pay for an apartment) I moved back in three different times, due to financial problems, but never for more than a few months. After marriage and our first baby, we gave up our apartment, and DH went to his parents, and I to mine with the baby for a summer. That was hard, because we were separated by half a country. We did it because DH was an apprentice on very low wages, and we were headed for bankruptcy if we didn't catch up on our *basic* bills.

Finally, my parents (at their suggestion) let us live with them after baby 2, as we were relocating to their part of the country for economic reasons. We stayed six weeks until we both had jobs and found an apartment. They wanted us to stay a year or so, to save for a house! Both my parents and my in-laws have been very supportive of our decisions as they see that they are towards goals of true independence, and a comfortable, safe future for our kids. We all get along wonderfully, living together, or not. Boy, we're lucky!

-- Rheba (rb@notmail.notcom), January 20, 2002.

Gee, Kelly, you are lucky - my in-laws live across the street and still couldn't manage to share a riding mower with us - we started out with one, but it was too "inconvenient" for them, so we bought them out and they bought their own.

-- Christine in OK (cljford@mmcable.com), January 21, 2002.