I am posting these for Mitch, he couldn't get it to work from his computer

.The Law of Cat Inertia:

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

The Law of Cat Motion:

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

The Law of Cat Magnetism:

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

The Law of Cat Thermodynamics:

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

The Law of Cat Stretching:

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

The Law of Cat Sleeping:

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

The Law of Cat Elongation:

A cat can make his body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

The Law of Cat Acceleration:

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

The Law of Dinner Table Attendance:

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

The Law of Rug Configuration:

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

The Law of Obedience Resistance:

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for him to do something.

The First Law of Energy Conservation:

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

The Second Law of Energy Conservation:

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

The Law of Refrigerator Observation:

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

The Law of Electric Blanket Attraction:

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

The Law of Random Comfort Seeking:

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

The Law of Bag / Box Occupancy:

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

The Law of Cat Embarrassment:

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to his embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

The Law of Milk Consumption:

A cat will drink her weight in milk, squared, just to show you she can.

The Law of Furniture Replacement:

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

The Law of Cat Landing:

A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

The Law of Cat Disinterest:

A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest her.

The Law of Pill Rejection:

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

The Law of Cat Composition:

A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn't Matter.

The Law of Cat Paper

Any paper that can be shredded, will be shredded, especially any paper kept neatly on rolls.

The Law of Cat Nights

Cats with humans will wake them up hourly from 3:00 a.m. until the alarm clock goes off, whereupon the cat will promptly settle down for a well-deserved day's rest. Cats with humans on night shifts will alter their sleeping habits to accommodate their humans' odd schedule.

The Law of Cat Playing

A human's hand is not only good for petting it's also yummy and has a wonderful texture when a cat's claws are sunk deeply into it.

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), January 26, 2002

Answers

ahhh...cats...aren't they great? I can't imagine life without them!

-- Cat (catcrazy@somewhere.com), January 26, 2002.

I have one to add to the law of cat inertia: Ask Hoot about stepping on their tails!

-- Christine in OK (cljford@mmcable.com), February 01, 2002.

Really! I didn't mean to step on ole calvins tail!! Course, it's kinda hard not to--the old dummy lays down whenever the notion stikes'm. Kinda takes after me, I guess. old hoot. Matt.24:44

-- old hoot gibson (hoot@pcinetwork.com), February 01, 2002.