Seems like if you stay home full time, many people feel you are not really doing anything important, or you aren't living up to your full potential. More and more women are leaving the home to work full time, even those with very young children. Now I do realize that there are many reasons why some women have to work, but I am seeing an increase in people who really wouldn't have to if they could just get control of their finances.

I love to be home with my family. Even though my kids are in school, there are many vacation days, weekends, summers and other times I probably wouldn't be here if I worked full time. I like being here in the mornings (and I would hate to miss our basketball games!) and I am here when they get home from school also.

I feel that our life is much more organized, slower paced, and healthier becasue I am here all the time. There is so much to do and to learn, about being a good wife, mother and manager. I feel I have barely scratched the surface of all of the many different areas there are to learn about! I can do what I want with each day, cook, clean, garden, can, bake, sew, organize, study, read, walk, work inside or out.

This is the place where I feel the most competent and the most needed. I hope that some of the rest of you will add your thoughts to this thread!!

However there are 2 main areas that you must control if you want to stay home with your family. One of these is the area of contentment, being happy with what you have or as Lenette said "An attitude of gratitude!" You can learn to use what you have on hand to do what you can. It takes some time to get away from "the money buys happiness" attitude of this world.

The second area you will have to control is finances, which is directly related to the first area! I have over the last 15 1/2 years learned to really stretch any money we have. It is crucial to my decision to stay home. If I can't make the money work out, I would have to get a job!!!

Since you all know just about everything about our lives anyways, I thought I might as well tell you where the money goes here. This will hopefully give some incentive to others who are stuggling. This is my budget right now, and the income we have at this point in time. In the past this has been diferent and I have just recently made some changes.

When Cale is paid each week, he gets (after checking out of taxes) $369.40 (he is only working part-time) I am now putting $50 every pay in savings (was putting a little more, but it was too tight) He gets $40 for gas and misc. expenses. I put $200 or $250 in checking, and the rest is for groceries, gas, kids allownaces,and anything else we might need. The money in checking is used to pay bills and if it accumulates we can use it to buy something special. I don't let it go below $1000 usually (unless there is an emergency)

The money in savings stays unless there is a big emergency like extended unemployment or injury, and I usually try to pay this money back as soon as possible.

When I do taxes, I put all of this money in checking also.

This has been my method for the last few years, before this he worked in the union and made more money, so I put more in savings, and Cale also had a good bit more spending money, as he traveled out of town.

While he does have the capability to earn more money, he was so burnt out on traveling, he really likes his more relaxed lifestle now. When he goes on unemployment , we still put $50 from each check in savings, but the rest is much lower as you only get half of your gross on unemployment in Ohio.

I have detailed our bills before, so many of you probably already know what they are. Any questions I will answer them here also. I just wanted people to see that it is possible to live on a very low income and still be financially sound and responsible.

Since I do income taxes, I know that there aren't too many families who get by on this little. Most people think we make 3 times the amount of money we really do, and are generally shocked when we tell them how little we make. I have even had people ask me to take over their fincances for them!!! But I usually just try to give them some helpful advice instead.

We do have a good life, the kids have so many benefits from living in the country and we try to do many fun things with them also. I don't feel that they are suffering in any way, actually they are learning so much by living this lifestyle, especially having both parents available most of the time!

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), January 29, 2002

Answers

I have always told my kids it is not how much money you make, it's how you manage it. You can have an income of $100,000 a year and still be in debt and have no savings. To get ahead, you have to pay yourself first and ask yourself what is more important to you. I admire all you young women on here who would rather stay at home with your kids than have a glamorous job and more money. You've got your priorities right! When we were saving to buy our land and build our house, we ate lots and lots of dried beans!!! It can be done as Melissa is a perfect example.

-- Barb in Ky. (bjconthefarm@yahoo.com), January 29, 2002.

I think another area to control is the tendency for people to think that since you are "JUST a stay-at-home-mom/dad" (their words), you have not only the time, BUT THE OBLIGATION to put in volunteer time here, there and everywhere, especially at the schools. If you can't learn to say "NO", people will run over you with such "obligations".

If they could put you on the school's nice inexpensive healthplan (in other words, a stipend, not a salary) in exchange for volunteering say a week out of every month I would consider it, but otherwise no.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), January 29, 2002.

I too stayed home with my children. People would always comment either on me being lazy and not helping the family, or I should be bored to death. Neither of them was true. We also scrimped for me to be able to be home. My children never had big fancy stuff but we had the basics and were very happy. Now that they are all in high school, I am back to work so we can quickly pay off the mortgage. Meanwhile we are getting our farmstead business growing so soon my husband and I can both quit work and live off of our farm. Again, people think that I am crazy to give up the independance of my job but to me I am gaining my freedom. I would not have given up those years at home for anything.

-- Joanie (ber-gust@prodigy.net), January 29, 2002.

Forgot charitable contributions come out of checking too. I like to have cash for groceries, gas and misc. as it helps to curb spending.

I do a good bit of volunteer work, but only because I really enjoy it. Like running the library, pre-school (6 years now) and helping with parties and field trips at school, I am glad I have time to do all of these things!

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), January 29, 2002.

Thanks, Melissa. I think it helps others when you explain how you manage your household. I enjoy reading how others do things, whether they're a young person just starting out or have many years of experience. We can all learn from others experiences. I hope no one ever holds back on sharing as it's not just the young who learn from the older folks, sometimes it's the other way around.

GT made a great comment about controlling the time spent volunteering, etc. While there are many good causes out there, your family can suffer if you get carried away. I used to be one who had trouble saying no till it started affecting my health. Dh taught me that I needed to budget my time just like I do finances.

As for those who make the put-downs like "You must be bored", they've obviously never been a stay-at-home-mom, LOL! I can't remember any time in my life where I felt bored.

-- Lenette (kigervixen@webtv.net), January 29, 2002.

I am self employed, working at home. We do not have children. My work has been pretty part time lately, which suits me fine (more time to work on my books and short stories, which I hope will bring in income someday). On the other hand, I have enough of the freelance bug in me to jump enthusiastically at work when it comes my way! My husband and I have huge work ethics--and we enjoy working together too. I know of at least one person in town that just can't grasp "what I do all day" even though he knows I am a freelance writer. It's not a very entreprenuerial region, in some respects. (I mean, there are your typical business people, like the merchants in town. But other types of self employment still don't seem to be completely understood). I think some people around here might understand it better if I had kids, since I stay at home. But I don't care what they think. I KNOW we save money with me staying home. What sense does it make to drive 8-32 miles one way, for a minimum wage job? I can get a lot more done here and do better (income-wise and creative-wise) at something I love--writing. I am extremely grateful for 2001, a lean freelance year that really taught me the value of money. In fact, for me being self employed really has taught me to look at money differently, more thoughtfully, and more carefully. I guess it's the definition of frugal that was mentioned in another post. I won't pay for a mediocre dinner out...I'd rather eat a better dinner at home or wait until someday, somewhere, we can get to a restaurant worth spending money on.

Wow...that was a lot of ranting for me!

-- Cat (catcrazy@somewhere.com), January 29, 2002.

Melissa, I was talking in terms of people who think that since "you don't have anything better to do, i.e. a "real" job" you have time to in some cases do the not-so-fun aspects of THEIR job (like grading papers or recess duty--when I was in school, not so very long ago, that went with the teaching job, none of the trolling for volunteers you see today). Not to pick on teachers (I think if children behaved in school you wouldn't need so many volunteers because the teacher COULD handle things himself/herself), but the schools are the worst example.

If you like volunteering, great, I was just thinking that depending upon how much one does it can get expensive in both time and transportation costs, and you can't deduct the value of your time (say you have a degree in teaching) off your taxes.

Not exactly on the subject, but related.... I also read somewhere about the value of (at I think minimum wage) time taken from the workforce by people doing caregiving, and it was a lot of money even at just minimum wage! You can't even find people who will do eldercare for minimum wage. And just think if you take into account people who were taking time off from professional careers (making serious money) to care for their parents out of love and respect!

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), January 29, 2002.

I am home for the most part with some odd jobs that don't affect my families schedules (i.e. I'm home when they are home) and I find that for me personally, it is much, much more stressful on me and all of us when I do too much outside of home. IF we can budget and manage on less, our little bit of time together while the kids are home will be happier--for us, at least.

The thing that gets me is that I choose to clean my own house, or grow our own food and because NO ONE I know does that, they cannot understand why I can't just drop everything and do something social, or pay for something that doesn't fit with our budget.

Everyone's situation is different. I know women who have lots of family close by who help a great deal. And the boss you have can make a big difference. I hate that sick feeling in my stomach like I am going to be fired because I stayed home sick with a child, or went to a mandatory parent's meeting. Maybe it bothers other people less, but it really stressed me out.

I read statistics that show that most teens/preteens get into trouble between 3pm and 6pm when their parents come home. It was much easier for me to arrange child care/after school care for little ones but as they get older, parental supervision is really important, I think. Some of it may depend upon your particular child, the children they are friends with and the parents of those friends.

-- Ann Markson (tngreenacres@hotmail.com), January 29, 2002.

I agree GT with your premise. Volunteering can take up your whole life if you let it. There are always so many "worthy" causes.

I do most of my volunteering right in the small town that is about 3 miles from my house, so transportation wise it is not a very big expense. I actually started helping another woman with the preschool when my kids went there (it was free at the church, one morning a week)

Then when we started the library I moved it there, as we have much more room. Since I am in charge of it (the library and preschool), I really consider it like a job, I just don't get paid. I love it so much though, that I am more than willing to do it for free. Also it is not much time, I am there for 3 hours on Wednesday for preschool and then I usually stay for an extra 1/2 or so and clean up and put books away. Once a month the kids and I, and a friend and her kids, will clean and decorate bulletin boards. What is nice is that my kids can go with me, and it helps them to learn valuable skills also!

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), January 29, 2002.

Exactly my sentiments, Melissa. I worked in a family retail business when my children were younger. I had a sitter in my home -- the SAME sitter (from our church), I might add, for 10 years.I had the flexibility to leave and take them to activities, stay home when they were sick and so on. When my parents retired, I quit to stay home with my girls, then in 4th grade and Kindergarten. I had eased into this as I worked every other week for the previous 2 years. I feel the older my children are, the more supervision they need!! AFTER I quit work, we paid off our mortgage. It took over 3 years and all our 'extra' money. Now our oldest is away at college, and the youngest a freshman in high school.

I have the time to: volunteer in my child's school and at church, to search out the food bargains and go to several stores, sew, cook from scratch,etc.. You do spend whatever you have. My husband was laid off from his job about 4 years ago after working there over 20 years, and with his new job our salary is much less. Still, we are able to spend 1/4 of our income to put our daughter thru college, and still save money. Am I grateful? You bet, I thank God everyday, every minute, that I am able to stay home and be a homemaker. I LOVE IT!!

I do have a couple of part-time jobs now during the year. Very part- time. I tutor about 6-8 hours a week at our local college and I do research as needed (2-3 hours a week) for a friend in her business. I hope I never have to go back to work full-time. I would do it if I had to for some unforeseen reason, but don't plan to.

Have we sacrficed? I suppose to some -- no elaborate vacations ( go to the lake to visit my folks), not many new clothes, no new cars, no eating out.

Shopping and spending money can be an addiction. But once you get used to not shopping, it is much easier. I would not trade this life- style for anything.

-- connie in nm (karrelandconnie@msn.com), January 29, 2002.

I realllyyyyy hate the whole thing... but alas... my sacrifice for our dream will be to go back to work. I have always worked, since age 16, but have always managed to make my job work around my responsibilities...my old chef job is great..I can go to work at 3:pm ( my mother-in-law gets home at 3:pm and has to drive right in front of the rest. so I took kids with me and she picked them up on her way home and kept them till " daddy " got home). I only worked till 10:pm , and would get to bed about 11:30, ( the time I go to bed anyway). I made average income for a chef, and only worked 4 days per week. I am working on getting this job back now, as the rest. has opened another one in a neighboring town. BUTTTT no matter how good the hours or the pay... I feel quilty if i am not here when one of the girls gets a fever or scrapes a knee, ect... I love my family...sometimes i feel unappreciated. But for the most part I LOVE IT!!!...no one else could do this job, in this house, with this family, the way I do it. That makes me irreplacable....same goes for any stay at home mom...no one could do your job, in your house , with your family, the way you do it....KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

-- Kristean Thompson (pigalena_babe@yahoo.com), January 29, 2002.

Due to a divorce in 1977 (and no child support) it was necessary for me to work to support my two small children. When I became engaged to my curent husband (of almost 25 years) in addition to popping the big question, he also asked me if I would quit work. I didn't have to hesitate on either question; yes to both! I enjoyed just about every minute of being a stay-at-home mom, became involved with the Parent/Teachers association when the children were small and did a little more volunteer work as they got older. After my youngest graduated and moved away I couldn't come up with any reasonable excuse to stay home so I went to work. Did that for five years and decided I really didn't need a reasonable excuse to stay home. I could stay home simply because I wanted to. My husband and I are frugal, do many things together, including gardening, canning, cutting/stacking firewood, etc. I believe it would actually cost me money to go back to work but I KNOW it would cost me my peace of mind and simplicity of live-style.

My daughter once paid me the untimate compliment when she said her fondest childhood memory was knowing I would be there when she came home from school even in high school. She is now also a stay-at-home mom planning to homeschool her son, Ethan. She claims she learned all her frugal, simple living techniques from me! Who could ask for more than that!!

Wishing you enough.

-- Trevilians (aka Dianne in MA) (Trevilians@mediaone.net), January 29, 2002.

Ok, here's the flip side: I started working when I was 13 years old because the family wouldn't have eaten if I did not. Worked all through high school and college and graduate school...took three weeks off for my first child and went back to work full time. It truly never occured to me to stay at home. I was making very large bucks as was my husband..we had a nanny for the kids and a housekeeper. When I had my last child at age 32, I actually tried to stay home for a year. No nanny, no housekeeper, and a ton of money gone away...the children were miserable! It was so funny they still recall the days when I tried to be "jello mom" like the commercials. They would all be outside playing with their friends and I would call them in to "have fun", making things, cooking with them, etc..they were bored out of their minds! I was a Brownie leader during that year and hated it..the little girls were spoiled monsters (can you tell we lived in a wealthy neighborhood? LOL)...then all went to pot when my husband left for greener pastures with an old high school flame....I went back to work and the children who were in school went to after school programs; the nanny returned for those at home. I loved my children and I loved my work and did this happily until the last child went off to college recently. NOW, upon reflection of life and family, and the purpose of marriage and raising children, etc. etc. ad nauseum, it dawned on me several years ago when I married again that it all was a large mistake. I am convinced that moms should stay at home with their children. Praise God all the children except one grew up to be marvelously stable people, and there is no guarantee that kids who grow up at home with mommy will never use drugs or alcohol or not turn out to be weird. Children who have their mothers at home with them have the ultimate in stability regardless of what the family finances are...If I could have changed anything in my entire life it would have been to have much less money and much more time with my precious children. My advice to any young moms who are contemplating working VS staying home,,,think long and hard about why you think you need to work..if there is no husband to work, then it cannot be helped, but if it is just so the family can have more "things"..what "thing" is more important than a mother? My children had horses and slick new bikes and the first computer on the block, and all the toys they wanted..they did NOT have me anytime they wanted....Interestingly enough the children one and all tell me that they did not feel unloved or that I was neglecting them.they say they loved afterschool and the nanny etc...I believe them because the ones who have children popped them right into daycare and went to work!!!!!!! They do not need the second income at all, but choose to work anyway..so, I think it is only me who feels badly about all of those missed opportunities to be with my children...Either working moms or stay at home moms can give their kiddos all the loving affection that they need, but IMHO, stay at home moms provide the BEST form of mothering that there is......

-- lesley (martchas@bellsouth.net), January 29, 2002.

I'll have to admit that staying at home and not having an away job is a bit difficult for me. My kids are grown and I've remarried and my husband's income alone provides nicely for both of us and our farm. Sooooo, he and I decided I should take this opportunity to stay at home and work on my novels and raise goats. Well, when the goats started coming, the writing stopped. I sometimes feel like I'm running in circles and have no one to tell me which way is up. But, I hear that's just farm life. Now, we've decided to sell our goats and take about a 2 year sabatical from them and get everything on the farm fixed up and then start over with registered Alpines. My writing has started again, so that's a plus. And, I'm going to sign up at the library to tutor adults in reading. I used to do that for non-English speaking children, so this should be just as rewarding. All volunteer, of course. But, I continuously have to explain to my friends and family that I, too, am busy and don't have time to do all the "little things you can do for me since you stay home all day" stuff. I've even started an Over the Fence column on our family website to keep them up on the fact that I don't sit in front of the television and eat bonbons all day. lol I do sometimes feel guilty that I have so much free time and literally have to force myself to accept an afternoon nap when I'm over-tired or sick. I think it's just all conditioning or what you're used to. If I were a stay-at- home mom, I'd be proud that I chose that profession. The best I could do for my children was take part-time jobs while they were in school, so I could be off when they were. Well, most of the time. At any rate, sometimes, staying home is just as hard on the psyche as going out to work.

-- Iris in Central Oklahoma (WatchingWideEyed@peaceful.com), January 29, 2002.

OK, heres my day-

up at 6-from 6-630 I do a little bit of writing in my journal-first though, I put a pan of peach pecan muffins in the oven. 6:30-7 we all get dressed, and I make lunches and we get ready for school. At 7 we have breakfast, I clean up wash breakfast dishes, make our bed, tidy up a bit make sure everyone has luinches, backpacks etc. At 7;30 I drive my kids to school. I voleenteer there for an hour or so-these teachers are really dedicated and do not try to hand off thier playground duty-though I have worked with some that will! I have training in Special Ed. and Reading Recovery so I work with at-risk readers, or in the school library. I come home, have my second cup of coffee, and see whats happening on Family Forum!

Today, I came back, and sat with my ill mother in law-she had minor outpatient surgury yesterday-yet another feeding tube installed-so my father in law could get a break -he went out and played golf since the weather was nice. She slept all morning-I worked on a knitting project. I went home briefly, scarfed down a sandwich, made a couple of phone calls-set up appoinments for husbands eye exam, and to check on some insurence. Ran an errand for my husband, Went and picked up my husbands Grandmother, drove her to Glasgow, I went in for one of my Chiropractic sessions, then I drove her to K-mart and the Grocery store, helped her put her stuff away, then just got my groceries put away and fixed a snack for my kids, helped them with homework, helped with 4-h demo, made supper, got that cleaned up, played a game of Go- fish, while we discussed different things like stuff at school. Got them in bed, put in a load of laundry, and I'm waiting for hubby who has a late class on Tuesdays.

I get a little miffed when people think at home moms are lazy!!!!! I don't have time to be bored!!!!!! When I worked our lives were choas and we spent more money becuase I din't have time to cook from scatch, and all that and I constantly worried about taking time off if one of the kids became ill. Its just not worth it for me, but because we do manage money well, we are in pretty decent finacial shape. I'm glad for this forum and the chance to communicate with other like minded people!

-- Kelly (KY) (homearts2002@yahoo.com), January 29, 2002.

Lesley, I wanted to say I really admire you for your honest answer.

I have NOTHING against people who want to work. There are many women I know who are excellent teachers, nurses, librarians and countless other professions that enrich all of our lives.

I just want people to realize that just becasue you choose to stay home, that does not mean you have no value on this world! People should be defined by more than how much of a paycheck they bring home each week. It is also hard to see women who would truly love to be home, but due to financial mismanagement are not able to do so.

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), January 29, 2002.

One good thing about working yourself is having credit in your own name instead of your spouse's (even though you can "get" an account in your own name they will still take a portion of the "family" credit to do so.

Another is the fact that you are "still in the loop", so to speak, and can easily get work after death or divorce. Even those who get support after divorce, well, if the spouse dies, support stops. So insurance is important, as are other fallback plans (like maybe renting out 3 of the four bedrooms of your hopefully paid off house), or saving up and buying rental property or other investments. Social security may or may not be there when we retire.

Just a thought, having a part-time or full-time job is not all bad, many families get by with both spouses working different shifts so that at least one parent is home. Or maybe the part-time job is with the government and has better benefits (particularly health benefits) than the main breadwinner job which brings in 3 times the money but the bennies are inferior. Many things to consider besides just income.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), January 29, 2002.

I guess I have always figured that if any of those situations occurred, I feel like I would be able to cope with them.

Cale and I have had so many interesting discussions about this: having a balance between your life now and your life in the future. While we try to be sensible and save as much money as possible, we also opt to live today, because you truly do not know what tomorrow might bring. Any one of us might not make it until tomorrow...

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), January 29, 2002.

I read this thread a couple of hours ago and have been thinking about it off and on ever since. I thought about the moms among my family and friends who work. None of them, not one, has to work for monetary reasons. I really think all of them at one time or another has whined at me about how lucky I am. Most of the time they don't seem too happy with their lives.

First of all, I was a tightwad way before I got married. Secondly, my son is the only child I have because I have infertility and other reproductive problems. There was no way I would have let any one else take care of him. He's a teenager now, and his friends are hanging out at our place, telling silly jokes, trying to act cool like teenage boys do, and I'm popping corn and making homemade pizza. I wouldn't give it up for all the brand new houses and cars and gizmos in the world.

Tom and I have tried to design a life where our family is together as much as possible. We strive to live a very simple Christian life and it has become very addicting.

-- vicki in NW OH (thga76@aol.com), January 29, 2002.

Amen Vicki!

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), January 30, 2002.

FWIW, I think the SAH trend is making a comeback (AMEN!) because just recently I heard or read somewhere that more mom's are making the switch...instead of working, they are opting to be a SAHM.

JMTC, I was a single mom, put myself through college for an Associate Degree, and ran a law firm (two attorneys and myself in the office) for two and a half years.

I met my now hubby, got married and became a SAHM. Let me tell you, I am busier now, contribute more to my family now and am much more fulfilled than I ever was at the law firm. I can't imagine not being here for my kids. And busy? That doesn't begin to describe my life. But those things that keep me busy, are also the things I enjoy - cooking, gardening, 4H, animals, reading, learning, etc.

For some people they are not fulfilled unless they are bringing in a big paycheck. But in my eyes, my payday is at the end of the day when both my kids come up and tell me goodnight with a great big hug, a kiss and an "I Love You, Mom."

-- Lisa in WI (llehman16nospam@hotmail.com), January 30, 2002.

My question is why do you feel you need to "defend" your position? Has someone made a remark about you staying at home?

I see nothing wrong with either lifestyle. It is a personal choice and really, is no one's business but your own. My husband stays home in our family and runs the farm. My boychild gets off the bus at his granny's house and checks on my aunt who suffers from a stroke. He gets her mail, empties her trash, and makes sure she is ok when my Mom isn't there. The boychild gets picked up by me 30 minutes after he gets off the bus on my way home from work. So he spends thirty minutes during the day without a parent - he's almost 12 and loves the responsibility of checking on his aunt. If anything is wrong, he calls my husband who goes over or he knows to call 911. I don't think my son suffers from the fact that I work. I take him to school on my way to work, and by the time he gets off the bus, I am there thirty minutes later. What would I do all day while he was at school? Well I could wash clothes, can veggies, ride horses, cut grass, clean house - but my husband does that quite well. Do I feel guilty about not being home? NO. My family depends on me to provide all the stuff like groceries, insurance, mortgage payments, animal feed, etc. We just reversed our roles to accommodate our needs.

Here's what you can do: Add up all your hours spent cooking, cleaning, feeding children, etc. Multiply that by whatever the prevailing hourly rate is your area, and then throw in some overtime hours for those weekends, and after 5:00 time. You will be surprised at how much your SAHM job is worth. Your family might be surprised to. I once saw that done and the salary per year was over $60,000 per year. I think it was in a divorce case where the wife was justifying how much she contributed to the marriage.

Then when anyone asks you can tell them you are a Domestic Engineer and make a huge salary. :>)

Really, there is no need to for justifying your decision to stay at home as long as you and your family is happy with it.

-- Cindy (colawson@mindspring.com), January 30, 2002.

On the flip side, my mother-in-law tried to stay at home, and has off and on at different times during her marriage, but she said she felt like her kids were better off when she worked, because she didn't have the personality to be at home. I think that's true for some people, and it's something you have to decide personally in your own family. I know some days I think MY kids would be better off if I worked. When I feel that way more days than not, I would say it's time for me to find an outside job too!

-- Christine in OK (cljford@mmcable.com), January 30, 2002.

Cindy, that wife underpriced herself by a lot!! (Of course, if she lived in a community property state, she'd be entitled to HALF the assets acquired during the marriage...lol). She probably lives in an equitable distribution state. Too bad.

I saw an article where it said stay at home parents (they referred to Moms, but I know some Dads too who stay at home) should make $1 Million a year because of their skill sets (not only cleaning, cooking, and child care, but chauffeur, Doctor, Nurse, etc.). Now that's more like it! *grin*

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), January 30, 2002.

I am a stay at home mother/wife. I homeschool two of my daughters. My oldest lives with her father in another area. I enjoy being here for them as well as for myself. I don't think it is selfish of me to feel that way. I believe that if a family can afford for the mother to stay home, she should. Mothers have a responsibility to their children to be their for them. I can not relate the number of times I have heard a child say "I want my mommy!". That is because there is no one on earth like their mommy. There are times when even daddy is not good enough. Mothers are very special people, especially in their children's eyes. I have a poem on my wall in my living room that pretty much says it all. I hope that it will minister to at least one mom out there who needs to be reminded that she matters, and she matters alot!

CONTINUE ON

A woman once fretted over the usefullness of her life. She feared she was wasting her potential by being a devoted wife and mother. She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference.

At times she got discouraged because much of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated. "Is it worth it?", she often wondered. "Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?"

It was during one of these moments of questioning that she heard the still small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart. "You are a wife and a mother because that is what I have called you to be. Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye. But I notice. Most of what you give is done without renumeration. But I am your reward.

Your husband can not be the man I have called him to be without your support. Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know. I bless him through your service and honor him through your love. Your children are precious to Me. Even more precious than they are to you. I have entrusted them to your care to raise for me. What you invest in them is an offering to Me.

You may never be in the public spotlight. But your obedience shines as a bright light before Me. Continue on. Remember you are my servant. Do all to please Me. by Roy Lessin

I hope that lifted someones spirits today. They often encourage me when I need it the most. Remember you are a real blessing to your husband also. I personally don't know one husband who doesn't like his wife to care for him and do all those special little things that wives do for their husbands. So stay home if you can and don't worry about what the world says is right and wrong. They aren't the ones giving you the hugs and kisses of affermation, now are they?

-- Stacy in Michigan (dsparsons@lakeshore.net), January 30, 2002.

I guess I am not trying to defend myself personally, but women in general. Many people are able to work out a system once their kids are in school that is excellent and I applaud them.

I do feel that if motherhood and homemaking were perceived to be of value in this society many more women might pursue it. I don't know hardly anyone who at some point in their life doesn't second-guess themselves and that is OK.

I am not a perfect person, so sure I sometimes wonder if I make the right decisions. Sometimes it takes years of reflection to look back and see what you could have/ should have done. But there is no sense dwelling on the past. But if we can help some young woman make the right decision for herself, so she doesn't have to look back with regrets, I think that would be an awesome thing!!!

Many children with 2 working parents turn out great and many with a stay at home Mom, don't. I do think it is a matter of how you treat the child, what you expect of them,and how you conduct yourself in your everyday life.

My basic idea is that if you are miserable working, maybe there are a few changes you can make and be able to stay at home and have society value your contribution. Here where I live it is not much of a problem, as women generally do stay home with their kids. Most don't go to work until they are in HS or have started college. As I said before I don't think it is a matter if us vs. them, but more a matter of your value as a person!

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), January 30, 2002.

One reason for a parent to stay home that is NOT directly child related: if one of you is making enough money that both of you working messes you up tax-wise (that is, you start losing deductions that you used to be entitled to because you've exceeded adjusted gross income limits).

Friends of mine fell into that category, so one stays home. Must be nice!

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), January 30, 2002.