Chuckles

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Chuckles

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.

3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.

5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.

6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendale's.

Quick Wit

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002

Answers

100 percent

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%!

How do you reach 100%? How does anyone achieve 103%?

Here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future!

IF, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z can be represented as 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then, H A R D W O R K 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But, A T T I T U D E 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

However, B U L L S H I T 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

Therefore, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, but attitude and bullshit will put you over the top.

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002


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