On Friday I wrote:

"We'll win three-one. I know this. Friday for tea before the Leeds game I had sausage bacon egg chips and beans, before the Spurs game I had the same for me tea, I had it again 20 mins ago for me dinner today. Voila. Scientific proof. " Oh buggar. I'm gonna look like a right fat bastard by the end of the season!

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

Answers

Here, that's me that is....

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

Nick

We need to get our goal average up a bit. Any chance you could stuff in a few bits of fried bread on top and maybe also some hash browns for the lads. Coronary heart disease is a small price to pay, I'm sure you agree.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

All you need to do is eat Shredded Wheat, Cheerios and that other one that the lass of the telly says can help reduce all sorts of nasty stuff.

Alternatively go for the gutbuster - sausage, bacon, tomato, fried bread, egg, beans, mushrooms, black pudding, 2 slices of toast and a cup of tea. That's what Phill Thompson had last Saturday, I hear

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

I think this is such a special gift that I need to use it sparingly to avoid stoking the ire of the gods.

On that basis, which match out of 3 would you want a guaranteed 3-1 win? Mackems away, Arse home or BinDippers away?

I actually think we'll get something at Anfield but the Arse are unbeaten away, so that may be the toughest. Hmm. Important decision this, our CL place or even (quietly) the Championship could rest on my decision when to eat the crucial meal.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

My vote is for the Scousers. Even better if it comes with a Shearer hat trick and mass rubbing of hands in the general direction of one M. Owen. >:-)

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

Arse please...

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

...and for the football, Gav?

Makems...got to stuff them this year, just got to

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

Bliddy great - one of yers for the mackems, one for the Arse and one for the bin dippers. Who's gonna have the casting vote?

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

I reckon the scousers - we'll beat the mackums 2-0 anyway, draw with the Arse however without your "3-1" tea we may struggle against the scousers.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

Come on Nick Stop trying to get into those same old trousers. Just get that fry up going before every game. Massive one for Pool away Reasonable for Arse Enjoy the meal before the Mackems cos we can win that one whatever

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2002

Yes, its your responsibility Nick. Eat up lad. You will have all summer to slim down - particularly as it seems unlikely we'll be joining the Yorkshire Puddings in the InterToTo.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

I think I'll go for all three Nick. The gods may well look on at the end and say "this little beggar's pushing his luck - no more" but we'll have the most crucial nine points of the season by then so go for it marra.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

Yers just don't bliddy care about my figure.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

How about Bulimia nick?

Go for all 3 and hoy it up afterwards. If you are a bit short of cash maybe you could recycle...........

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

....hardly a tasteful remark, gus.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

Oh I don't know....a can of lilt beforehand can make it tasty...

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

Hey what do you mean? After all he is the one worried about his figure. I don't moralise, I just offer solutions!

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

As solutions go that's one of the more extreme. Have you thought though that it may not be the meal that is the lucky bit but the mighty shite I have afterwards?

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

I did nick, it's just that I thought it might be a little tastless discussing delicate matters like that here!

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

Oh yeah, sorry Ms Whitehouse!

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002