My daughter wants to be homeschooled

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My youngest(of 5 kids) is begging to be home schooled. She is in 5th grade and is very stressed out about her school work. She is very smart and has an outgoing personality.(which means she gets in trouble for talking) She was in tears last night about a HUGE project her teacher just assigned. My problem is that I don't know if I can do it. Truthfully my kids are smarter than I am. I Barely graduated High school(public school). My math skills are about 7th grade level. I'm good in science and great at reading and vocabulary. My main problem would be my husband and relatives. I homeschooled my oldest children until my 5th was born and I just couldn't juggle that much! I'm scared that I may not be able to handle it. Self confedence is a problem with me. I have been pondering this and was thinking maybe we could finish out the year in public school and then do a trial run of home schooling during the summer to see if I can do it. Have any of you tried this?

-- Buffy in Dallas (buffyannjones@hotmail.com), February 19, 2002

-- Buffy in Dallas (buffyannjones@hotmail.com), February 19, 2002

Answers

I homeschool my children. 7th, 8th, and 10th graders. I have been doing it for 8 years now. That said...you know that I think homeschooling is a great idea. I would not let my child quit anything though, just because the going got tough! I would encourage her to stick it out and not quit. She will feel better about herself if she can get through this little trial. Conquering obstacles is the best self-esteem builder that there is. Just give her lots of love, support and help. Let her get through her hard time and then if she wants to be homeschooled later and you want to do it too, then go for it. If she wimps out now though, she will always think that she can't do it!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), February 19, 2002.

Buffy -- my first question would be -- why is she stressed out over a project? Does she feel the teacher expects too much from her, is it a self-confidence issue, or a situation where your daughter senses she is falling further and further behind the other kids?

I homeschool my two boys -- ages 8 and 6 -- and wouldn't have it any other way. My elder son went to public school for the first few years -- I felt it was a big mistake. He turned from a happy-go- lucky, sunny little boy into a morose, angry little boy. I'm only just beginning to get him back.

Homeschooling has gotten a lot more "parent" friendly in recent years, with pre-packaged curriculum, etc. Saxon Math is a wonderful program, with teacher manuals that even outline for each lesson what you say to the child. If you're feeling a little self-conscious about doing this, just remember that you're the one who taught her how to walk, talk, love, care, express and control herself. And who potty-trained her? That alone is an exercise in patience, and patience is all you need to homeschool -- well, that and a healthy dose of love and devotion for your kids.

The first thing I would do is talk to your daughter honestly about why she suddenly wants this? Is it academic pressure, social pressure (fifth grade girls pecking order can be BRUTAL), or does she think that homeschooling would entail a bunch of TV and video games, and not much by way of expectations? Is she feeling "left out" because her older siblings were homeschooled for the first years and she wasn't?

There is no reason why you, as a mother of five kids, are incapable of teaching your children -- especially with the resources available to homeschoolers now that all but spell it out. The crux of this decision, of course, will be WHY your daughter feels this is a solution. Don't discount it if it is a social thing -- if she is being made to feel like she doesn't belong by a group of her peers, this will have lifelong effect on her own self-confidence -- and perhaps the loving atmosphere of home-learning is exactly what she needs. Only you and your husband can honestly make the decision based on your family's needs.

I don't agree that pulling your child from a bad situation is "letting them quit" -- I think if more parents fought their kids battles for them we'd have a better society overall. There are more ways to abandon a child than simply walking out the door. Having said that, you have to judge whether this is a situation that you need to step into, or if your daughter is playing on your sympathy. You know your daughter -- you'll have to decide what's up.

However, do NOT tell yourself that you are incapable. From what I understand, President Lincoln's mother wasn't university educated, either, but she managed to homeschool her kids -- I don't think it ruined him, do you? It doesn't take a university degree -- it only takes dedication.

-- Tracy (trimmer31@hotmail.com), February 19, 2002.


Well, those are some more things to think about...I was going under the assumption that she wanted to quit simply because the project was too hard. That is what it sounded like to me. I agree that it is something that your husband and you should discuss. Yes, 5th grade girls can be brutal! Talk to her and see what the whole story is before you make any decisions. The teacher may have some insight as to what is going on too.

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), February 19, 2002.

I am a father of two homeschooled kids, and it's sound that your husband is not involve with the homeschooling of your children at all, I am very limited in what I can teach to my kids, but I do a lot of driving taking them to guitar lessons, dance lessons, harp lessons, etc. Tell your husband to get more involve, they are his kids too. sincerly from a father.

-- Ralph (rroces1@yahoo.com), February 19, 2002.

A child that is highly motivated, will teach them selves more and better than anyone else ever could. Find some where to do testing (just so you know where she is) and set aside time to talk with her about what she has learned each day, and pay attention, ask questions, when she can teach you, you know she really learned it. I saved money by getting the teacher manuals, complete with answers, we read and discuss, bringing anything WE learn into everyday conversation, after all if you don't use it way learn it?

-- Thumper/inOKC (slrldr@yahoo.com), February 19, 2002.


oops, that is supposed to be .." why learn it"

-- Thumper/inOKC (slrldr@yahoo.com), February 19, 2002.

Buffy: Have you considered Bob Jones Homestat? I am just looking at their program and am waiting for the information to come in the mail. However I have a friend with four children that loves the curriculum and has used it for three years. She was just overwhelmed with everything and needed some help....don't we all at times? Anyway, From what I understand you purchase the satalitte dish for $99.95 and then pay $32.00 or something a month for access to all of the elementary/secondary classes available. You pick the classes (maybe all classes in one grade or some from grades below or above) and then pay $10.00 for each class. Like I said I am just looking at the program, but need some help for a couple of my children (one daughter needing to take a foreign language) When we lived in town our older children were able to go to a wonderful tutor that was there at a time that I also needed extra help. They are a Christian curriculum, but you would not have to use the Bible classes. If I decided to go ahead with this program, I was going to sign up and become familiar with it and even try it for a couple of months before next fall.

-- Marie in Central WA (Mamafila@aol.com), February 19, 2002.

Hi,

I have been homeschooling since my daughters were in 2nd and 4th. I have to admit I majored in Education but found real quick, training is in doing, it helps to have knowledge, but it is more the doing that trains us to do it :-D

We now have the oldest 17 in an independant highschool, she meets with a teacher once a week, but does everything at home, on her own. And really picks her own text and lessons. We choose this route, because my mental abliites are weakening because of health, and she wants to get into running start, and she needed 13 recorded credits. My other daughter is in 8th and takes 4 classes in public and we do the rest of the day at home. She is in specail ed, and needs things I can not give her. So we use the public system, but we say what we want. Each year we make a new decision and nothing for us is written in stone. Matter o fact, i wanted my youngest to go full time this year or full time homeschool, she wanted homeschool because of social problems which made me decided the opposite and then bent to say, just stay as we are. She is taking Specail ed core, Art etc.

I would not changed our chooses for anything. Its blessed us, but I still worry about their weak areas, oldest is too shy, but also too smart for me :-D just won a gold award through Scholast writing contest and her short story has gone on to Nationals, last year she won an essay contest and a horse! The youngest should do better for she wants to be a nurse, and school is a struggle and the social part of school interfers (she too is a talker!)

I love Homeschooling, I also like to use the Public system, i wish they had something like the independant Highschool for Middle school and elementary school.

hope this helps donna in stanwood, washington

-- Donna Potts Walling (rwalling@greatnorthern.net), February 19, 2002.


We homeschooled our then- 3rd grade and K daughters with Bob Jones Homesat last year. It is an excellent program. Be aware that if a Christian curriculum is off putting to you, dodging the "Bible" classes will not cut it, there is Biblical reference in all the classes, as you might find in a private Christian school. That said, it is a strong academic program, a great solution for parents who are nervous about those high school courses (include me there). This year we are more eclectic, because our lives got turned upside down by a move and by my husband's being called to active duty in support of the war on Oct 1. My 7 yr old is in public this year and loves it. The now 4th grader hated the 4th grade clique scen and is back home. Next fall back to Homesat for them both. Regards from OK

-- Julie in OK (okwilk213@juno.com), February 19, 2002.

You have already been homeschooling your daughter for several years! Who taught her to talk, walk, get potty trained, use good manners, etc.?? Listen, Mom, you can teach your child anything, even if it is only how to find out where to find the answer to something you don't personally know. No one knows EVERYTHING.... so be confidant in your abilities to be a great homeschooling teacher. Best regards...

-- Liz Rhein (merhein@shentel.net), February 19, 2002.


No doubt that you can homeschool her if you want to! My only concern was for "why" she wants to quit. Hopefully it is not just over the huge project. I know that kids get discouraged about things like that and then feel badly about themselves later when they don't get over that obstacle.

Concerning the homeschooling...there are literally hundreds of options available! I have friends that use the Bob Jones satellite. They seem to like it. There are schools on line too. Lots to choose from.

For her sake, get to the bottom of why she wants to quit. She may very well need the extra love and support that you can give her at home.

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), February 19, 2002.


Oh, that came out funny, I mean the love and support that you can give her through homeschooling her.

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), February 19, 2002.

My second daughter is in the 5th grade this year and this is the first year that we homeschooled her. SHe was stressed out and having social and emotional problems in school and she was in our church school (public school by us is not and option - too much new age, etc. in it). I say do it! I was really nervous about doing it - I have two younger ones at home and an older one still in school. We faithly start school every morning by 9:00 a.m. For the most part, she can do it all herself with occasional help on things she doesn't get. We start the morning with Bible study and then she can go to any other subject she wants. We do the Christian Liberty Academy circulum. I wanted something structured out for me for the first year. We have added field trips, extra science project (we have caterpillers turning into butterflies right now) as well as many other things. Each day is a great learning experience. I'm glad I did it and wouldn't change anything for the world!! Just pray and things will fall into place!

-- Bev (cafemocha@ivillage.com), February 19, 2002.

As for math- I use Math U See (see mathusee.com)and have had wonderful results. Good luck in whatever you decide!

-- Ruth (dntwnna@yahoo.com), February 19, 2002.

Our daughter was deaf due to illness for most of third grade. Fourth grade was extremely difficult because she was so far behind. Halfway through fourth grade, she begged to homeschool. I told her to finish that year, and if she still wanted to stay home for fifth, we would try it.

We tutored her like crazy, and probably the extra attention was as important as the subject matter. By the end of fourth grade she no longer wanted to homeschool.

Our local school system has several options for homeschoolers who need extra classes. Some of the kids take math and science in public school and everything else on their own. Many of the local kids have won scholarships to college, so homeschooling is considered more mainstream here now.

-- helen (none@at.this.time), February 19, 2002.



You have a lot of great responses. I'll be quick and throw in my 2 cents.

My dearest freind never graduated high school at all, Not one of her 7 kids has ever seen the inside of a school. Her oldest graduated this last June and the next one next year. She chose self directed materials, she didn't have to "teach" so much as join them in their journeys and guide them through the rough spots. It even helped her in things she had forgotten or didn't get in school.

I teach the same way. Basic , self directed curriculum, for the math and language skills so I don't feel like I am missing the "important" stuff. Then, lots of activity , science, art, and geography books just "laying around" at their disposal as well as anything they want to read. A certain time is set aside for school. I have a vague idea of what should get done on a given day, (last year I planned everything and it was a school like routine. We all were stressed) but I found this year that when I loosened up a little they thrived. My son started writing a "book" even though he hates to write. Both of them read EVERYthing they can get their hands on. And our sons math skills have gotten much stronger.

A final thought: Albert Einstein didn't speak until he was around 5. In his early years in school he was thought of as 'slow'. He probably would have been held back, his enthusiasm and quest for knowledge squashed. Instead his mother took him home, gave him room to grow, and, well...

-- Novina in ND (homespun@stellarnet.com), February 20, 2002.


LET HER DO IT!!!!! It is the best gift anyone can give their children. Education shouldn't be about force fed information. It is about life, and life skills. And about what she loves to learn.

Good luck!

-- marcee (thathope@mwt.net), February 23, 2002.


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