All this talk about datin' and what you see in your man or woman got me to thinkin' about when I was sparkin that young lady down from the farmers market. After months of porch swinging with her mamma or daddy rocking at the far end, I finally got permission to take her to dinner at the Bugtussel Steakhouse in Dodge City and then back to Cullman for a movie. Little did I know the evening was gonna be chaparoned by her parents. The evening got going after a little fast expense recaculating cause I didn't want them paying for anything . After all , I had to make a good impression. These folks stood a good chance of being my in laws.

The drive to the steakhouse was terrible. I had Papa riding shotgun in the front seat and Maw was in the back seat with Kathy Lynn. I actually got to feeling a little better about the seating arrangements as my old Chevy snaked its way along the dark streches of 91 between Hanceville and The Colony. I figured her daddy couldn't shoot me in the back of my onion if'n he's riding shotgun. But that only lasted a short while cause I quickly figured her mamma to be as mean as papa and the sweats returned.

Dinner was good and not to embarrassing cept for her daddy having an after dinner chaw of King Bee twist at the table (least her mama went to the parking lot for her dip of snuff). So we went on for the 9 oclock movie.

We got to the theatre and it got worst. We took our seats side by side and her mamma made up open one up between us and her and her old man sat in the seats behind us. At this point it had been the better part of four hours since me and Kathy Lynn had gotten close enuff to each other to not show daylight between us, so when the lights went down, I took my chance and slid my arm across that empty seat so I could at least stroke her silky soft hair, which I did for quite some time. Imagine my surprise when the lights came up and I discovered that I had been stroking her daddy's beard where he had leaned forward to keep an eye on us !

I did the only thing I could think of and asked him if he used the "ZZ Top signature line of beard products" to keep it so soft. I also vowed to myself that should I ever be offered a chaparoned date, I would furnish the gun to put me out of my misery.

-- A "Country Bumpkin" (countrybumpkin@don'tchewbaccertwict.com), February 27, 2002

Answers

Ok I'm not single but I do come and read things here. You made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants !

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@hotmail.com), February 27, 2002.

Boy them days of old I do not want to return to!

Good chuckle.....

-- Jim-mi (hartalteng@voyager.net), February 27, 2002.

Good chuckle?? It ain't too funny if your the one facing the "double ring" ceremonony where the double rings are the imprint of her daddy's double barrel bird gun on you. :)

-- A Country Bumpkin (countrybumpkin@ifItellyoua chickendipssnufflookforacanofbrewtonsweetunderhiswing.com), February 27, 2002.