Car Wash "Penis" was an "Udder" Thing Instead

Thu Feb 28, 7:28 AM ET

HASTINGS, Neb. (Reuters) - A lingering mystery involving what appeared to be a severed human penis found in a Nebraska car wash has been solved, police said on Wednesday, with tests showing the organ was a cow's teat.

"I've learned more about cow parts and human parts in the past two weeks than I cared to," said Police Chief Larry Thoren.

Police launched a possible homicide investigation after the part was found near a vacuum cleaner at a car wash in Hastings on Feb. 12. Local medical officials said they thought it resembled a human penis and it was sent off to a state crime laboratory for further tests.

Thoren said test results showed it to be a cow's teat, nothing udder.

-- (what@the.frick?), February 28, 2002

Answers

It's bad enough the dumb cops can't tell the difference between a dick and a tit, but they also offer no explanation for how the cow tit ended up in the car wash.

Sheesh, only in Nebraska.

-- (strange@place.indeed), February 28, 2002.

It's a teat for cryin out loud! And if it was hard and resembled an erection it was because of that there regormortis or it could have had infection and latitudinal swelling caused by mastitus. I seen them things shoot puss 3 feet tryin to get em opened up before you put the milkin machines on em. Even a tom cat won't lick it off of his whiskers!

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), February 28, 2002.

You know, Boswell, cows didn't exactly ask to be milk machines for humans. *sigh*

-- (cin@cin.cin), March 01, 2002.

If you don't milk those old girls they get damn sore if they are fresh and they will always thank you with a smile and a switch of the tail when you are done.

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), March 01, 2002.

That's right, Boswell, you should be ashamed of yourself. Everybody knows that cows are meant to be cooked and eaten. I prefer them ground up first.

-- (mmm@yum.tasty), March 01, 2002.

Actually, you might be surprised to learn that McDonald's didn't exist 300 years ago.

-- sally forth (read@my.comic), March 02, 2002.