Cat conspiricy

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It has come to my attention that cats are secretly working for the fuel oil companies causing us untold amounts of wasted home heat there by boosting the oil companies profits. It became obevious this morning, at 22 degrees KAT trophesty decited he wanted out, fine, let him out. 6 minutes later there is a loud, fingernail-on-the-chalkboard,type of screech. Think that a 20 foot boa had him in a death squeeze, I open the door. He looks at me with "another stupid human trick" as his expression, and just stands there; then eases forward to sniff the doorjam; that completed he sits down to wash the underside parts. I open the door all the way, he exits, stage right.

10 to 15 minutes later, scratching and screeching, there is a beserk chainsaw destroying my door, again I open the door, this time he goes to the porch post and streaches 250% longer than cats are supposed to be. I call him, he ignores me; I close the door and turn on the stand by electric heater in that I can see my breath indoors. I am beginning to think he works for the power company also, double dipping cat.

He is still out side, and until he climbs the front window like the Garfield figure in car windows with the suction cups for feet and there had better be frost in his whiskers, he is going to stay there.

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), March 05, 2002

Answers

Mitch, you must out-smart your cat. This works for me and my "I am in total control of this house and all its occupants" cat. Open the door while standing behind it, never letting cat see you. The curiosity always gets my cat and in she will come, looking around for me. I quietly close the door and ignore her. Cats are such control freaks! This may not work for you but worth a try. What do others do to out-smart their cat?

-- Eve (eowenall@cs.com), March 05, 2002.

open door, count to 3, close door.

they soon learn to be thru the door just as the count is up.

-- carol (kanogisdi@yahoo.com), March 05, 2002.


Oh Mitch, cats are such terrible little animals. And, if anyone ever says that animals don't reason, they haven't met my Brat the cat. Remember the nightstand incident? Well, we placed duct tape, sticky side up on it. After a few tries, the little critter figured out now to stretch up and gingerly move the tape with a claw! We tried that plastic carpet protecter with little spikes. He figured out how to place his paws between the spikes. Now, I feed the cats, so he has to try to bother me! I'm a lighter sleeper, so when he tried to bother me, I grab him and spank a bit. So far so good!

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), March 05, 2002.

Mitch,

Have to agree with you that cats are in a conspiracy with the power company. Years ago right after we were married we had a cat who would turn on one of the lights by getting on the bed and jumping up and grabbing the string. At first we thought there was something wrong with the wiring in the old house we were in, but eventulally we saw him do it.

My wife always thought it was ok that he did it. She thought if there were any crooks trying to get into the house they would think someone was there, with the light going on or off, and just leave.

Cats will be cats.

-- Bob in WI (bjwick@hotmail.com), March 05, 2002.


I don't know about the conspiracy theory, but our cat Sassy would sit inside the house and provoke the dog through the metal screen door, or lay just outside the dog pen in the back yard to let the dog know who was not imprisoned.

One day I went to release the dog in the early evening, and Sassy was dozing not far away. I looked at the cat, looked at the dog, who was already eyeing the cat and salivating. With a smile I let out the dog and off he went after the cat.

Sassy lost at least two of her nine lives that day.

Still didn't cure her arrogance, though.

-- Randal in Brazil (randal@onebox.com), March 05, 2002.



Years ago, when DH and I were first together, we had a Norwegian Forest Cat with an attitude. Felix thought he was a dog. He panted, he fetched, and he pretty much acted like he tolerated us living in his home.

One Christmas my mother gave me a set of bedside lamps. They were the kind that if you touch them they come on. Felix had an AWFUL habit of sitting on the bedside table yawning at you. Scared DH a couple of times when he woke in the middle of the night to find the cat eight inches from his nose yawning as though his jaw was about to dislocate (those of you who have never seen a cat yawn will not understand this).

The lamps were our revenge. The cat, planning on doing his worst and looking "down" on his sleeping subjects -- jumped up on the bedside table, brushed against the lamp, turning it on in the process, and WHAM -- was gone.

I don't think the cat entered the bedroom again after that. Scared the poor thing half to death. DH and I spent the rest of the night giggling.

-- Tracy (trimmer31@hotmail.com), March 05, 2002.


Cats' yawns are pretty impressive--I've often wondered if they're some kind of a passive, veiled, threat.

-- Cat (catcrazy@somewhere.com), March 05, 2002.

Our cat sleeps in the garage at night on her "perch" -- a shelf with sleeping bags on it in front of the window. She likes to be fed first thing every morning. Her bowl is in the garage also. However, I cannot just go out and put food in her bowl and expect her to be happy and eat. She MUST come in, meander across the kitchen, rub against the wall.....THEN she wants to turn around and go into the garage and eat. However, you cannot skip the coming in part or she gets really upset. Good grief!!

Another cat story. Had two female cats (mother and daughter). When they would fight, I would put the mother cat outdoors. You guessed it -- whenever she wanted to go out, she would just pick a fight!!

-- connie in nm (karrelandconnie@msn.com), March 05, 2002.


Connie -- Sounds like my MIL.

-- Tracy (trimmer31@hotmail.com), March 05, 2002.

I have a cat that is almost 12 and he has always considered himself a dog even though he has always been around both. While the other cats may groom each other he will be with one of the dogs. He also prefers to sleep curled up next to the dogs.

-- gail missouri ozarks (gef@getgoin.net), March 05, 2002.


In keeping with the cat and the energy company, our old cat was rather large and strong. If we did not LOCK the sliding door at the back of the house he would get his claws into it and open it and let himself out. It is very disturbing to wake up and have a wind blowing through the living room. (of course he never shut it behind himself)

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), March 06, 2002.

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