Where ARE you guys?!!!!???

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Is there a massive power outage somewhere in the mid-portions of the country? Is there some great teevee show playing nightly this week? Are you all depressed or something? Run out of things to say? Wanna start a "joke of the day" post or something?

Is this the death of the forum?

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

Answers

Don't tell me you're all watching the NIT basketball games!

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

Wow, I didn't know that you could train headlice to play basketball!!! I've seen two fleas swordfight, but it must be awfully hard to get two teams together.

I've been treating one of the horses for laminitis and making her custom orthopedic boots to keep pressure on her frogs...

So I'll post a joke for the day. It made me think of Jay and his troubles.

HUMOR: MISSOURI DRIVIN' The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the Missouri Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


Those are good ones Julie. They're the kind that warp me so that when I see the signs 'help blind children' I think about what I can poke them with! ;)

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

I'm still here, just very busy. I usually check out the forum while I'm at work, and one of my co-workers quit so I got a lot of projects dumped on me. I'm actually having to work at my job now, how unfair is that? :)

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

I think this erratic weather has many of us down in the dumps. One day it's sunny and 55*...the next it's sleeting and 30*!!! Pain in the patooty! I have so much I should be doing, but just don't feel like doing "s..." most of the time. Even sleeping is a problem! I'm gonna try looking around for some jokes to add....:-)!

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


Argh!!! I am attempting to teach my son his written (printed that is) ABC's....somebody save meeeeee!!!!!!!! I was not meant to be a preschool teacher it is obvious.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

I just got an email with another batch of penis jokes...... :)

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

I was noticing the lack of activity here too, Sheepish, but you know, actually, this past weekend had a lot more participation than most weekends. It probably will all even out in the end . . . .

Here's a bunch of funnies that came in my email yesterday:

Old & New Points To Ponder

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over: smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors.......but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

If not for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

I know the Goddess won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish She didn't trust me so much.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. We cannot change the direction of the wind ... but we can adjust our sails.

If the shoe fits......buy it in every color!

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


Most excellent, Joy!!! Sherri...what is it with you and the penis jokes :-)!!?? I'm all for posting them! Reminds me of a cute snowman email attachment I received from a friend. Wish I could figure out how to post it here (it's either a jpg or a gif thingy).

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

Hi, I'm still here visiting. I know I don't post much but I love reading the site. The weather in the UK is foul at the moment. Our new pigs arrived on Sunday. They decided that electric fencing has nothing on them and crashed through it all!! arg!! Fortunately they are fully enclosed in livestock fencing, but the electric separating the pens, in the livestock has already been partially replaced. Does this make sense? This was all done while pouring with rain in gale force winds, standing on our highest field, 2 miles from the sea.

Today we got two new (to us) chicken arcs, from the free ad paper. They are now on the front grass with the 4 Buff Orpingtons and the 3 Light Sussex.

Hopefully it will stop raining soon as we have muck spreading to do. We've borrowed the spreader, but the fields are too wet to drive the tractor on.

There is so much going on here and so little time.

Best wishes

Alison

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002



I'm here everyday....checkin in.This is the only place I go ,and check my e-mail.To be honest I feel my normal life ,though far to hectic most days,would bore you senseless,so I don't post much.OUr land deal is on its way(selling our Land) to move to the new land,and we are looking at house plans...any websites would be appreciated.Homeschooling,chicken pox,selling lots of ointment this month,new baby lamb...several good friends with cancer,not to make that sound flippant.I am going to practice sign language drama tonite for an easter presentation...its a gorgeous song we have chosen.No garden plans no hen plans ,I am far too focused on this new property we have bought ...I need to get a life at least temporarily.I love to here about your days though.I tried to post some pics on the bts sight and could'nt ,or should I try cs...help!p's. did you know a male wild turkey poops in an s????Ha! see I'm intelligent!!!!

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

You know, I love to read what everyone else is doing! (I don't always have enough time to read right away or post, though...like most folk, probably).

Did you consider that even the mundane stuff that we post is not that much different than the diaries of the women who moved out West in the covered wagons, etc.? I love reading them! Lots of their stuff was mostly just what got washed when; what beans got cooked how; how much they missed doing whatever, etc. And it's not just pioneer *women*...I know Lewis and Clark wrote some interesting, stuff too! (But they were SUPPOSED to...) Anyway, perhaps in 150 years, this forum content will be fascinating, too! (Not that it isn't now! LOL).

I email my mom at least once a day (she lives all of four miles from me and I talk to her on the phone pretty much every day, too). Really what we chat about is stuff like what we're fixing for dinner, what the weather is like or will be like, trips to the library, etc. We just stay connected.

I don't know about you, but I lead a fairly busy, sometimes even "interesting" life. I still enjoy and benefit from reading the daily stuff that we all do and post at this forum. It's a community thing, really.

Anyway, I miss not hearing from folks! Thanks for sharing.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


I'm here but also really busy. You know the new job and all. Here is something a friend sent me.

This teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate... The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

Happy Gardening

Susan

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002


OH MY STARS AND GARTERS!!!! {snicker}

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

After that one, Susan, I just might get brave and post a few of my hubby's "poker night" jokes here :-)!!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Here now; bed in 5 minutes. Insanity appears to be contagious lately. ZZZzzz....

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Just want to stray from the joke theme for a minute and see if you folks are all awake (with the exception of Polly :-)!! Let me know if this works for you all...

TURN SPEAKERS ON!! Now REALLY concentrate on the windows and let me know what you see. It will take a couple minutes for your eyes to adjust. http://star1021fm.com/images/morningshow/whatswrong.htm

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Marcia, you little devil! I was just about to give up when "it" happened! (spewing Mt. Dew all over your computer won't hurt it, will it?)

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Thank you...thank you!! LOL!!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Okay, I went there and it says: "We're sorry. Due to technical difficulties we've had to temporarily discontinue the "What's Wrong With This Picture" page. We hope to have it up and running in the near future."

Is that the joke? Or is it really down?

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


I tried to send the link to some friends and they got the same message. That's not the joke, so the site really must be down. Too bad, it was pretty good.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

I'm still here, it's just been a very trying week in every area so virtual reality has been slipping a bit.

A bit o' levity:

Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks...

......Alan.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Ahhh...bummer, guys!! I'm not very happy that the site is out of commission! And I did it so good, too!!! Sorry about that, everyone.

Sherri, don't give it away...okay?? They'll all just have to wait til the site is up and running again!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Don't worry Marcia, I won't spoil the suprise. I'm waiting for it to come back up so I can send the link to some of my other friends.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Hi all,

I couldn't get on the past two days. Frustrating.

My baby goats were outside for the first time today and they were running around, kicking up heels. They looked so cute. Can't fall in love with them, they are destined to be on someone's plate someday. Other doe is due next week or so. Have to keep her seperate from the new mother, she is so mean to her. And they all have colds because of this crazy weather.

At least we got some rain. Still need alot more but...

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Snowing again....

I heard something really cute on public radio today. A man was speaking about how his daughter came downstairs when their cat was having kittens and told her father

"Daddy -- the cat fell apart!"

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002


Julie...when our granddaughter is over and one of my cats "delivers" a hairball, Morgan always tells me that "the cat blew up!"

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002

I'm still here too...I check in and read the posts every day, but don't post often. (Hi, Polly!) Even though I don't have much to say, I still like to read what everyone else is doing. The baby goats sound so cute!

(Are you still out there too Phyllis?)

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002


I'm awake!! Alan, I'm having so much fun with your joke - nobody "gets" it 'til I say it for about the third time, and sometimes I still have to explain it!

Hi Cass!! Great to see you're still around! Hey - we're having Easter Dinner out here at the farm; you guys c'mon over. It'll be the usual crew... I e-mail Phyllis and see Mike at work, of course. I don't know if she still lurks or not; I do know that she is totally swamped with kid activities!

Left home at 0500 yesterday to go to a clinical conference in St. Louis; didn't get home 'til 9pm. UGH! Today, I'm cleaning house in prep for the aformentioned Easter Dinner (everyone else is welcome, too, BTW!), need to plant some broccoli and lay out some lettuce and etc squares, then want to get the rest of the garden beds nailed together, go eat pizza where Jessie works, stop by MIL's for SIL's birthday - on my way to go in and work my usual 12 1/2 hours - AARGHH!! No wonder people do meth! I've only got to work tonight and tomorrow - then three days off to buff and fluff the house; work two more nights; then spend Saturday morning cooking and Saturday afternoon cleaning the yard and porch - then I get to sit on my butt on Sunday and enjoy the company of family and friends - AAAHHHH!

I promise I'll take more time to post after Easter, Sheepish!

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002


Okay, Polly, b/c I miss you! How do nurses do it? I can't even imagine!

This is Holy Week coming up. From Palm Sunday Service through Maundy Thursday Service, Good Friday Service, and Saturday Night Vigil to "Somewhat After Sunrise Easter Service" (outdoors, but we're all too tired to get up at dawn by then!), to Easter Breakfast at church, to the *official* Easter Service, to Easter Dinner (fortunately at Mom's)...I may not get back to post much either. And folks think Christmas is a busy Christian Holiday...sheesh. When do we get to color eggs???!! Where's the bunnies?!! Much easier to be non- Christian this time of year.

Hope everyone's snow is gone by now, too.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002


I'm still here Sheepish, just haven't been HERE lately, haven't been online for about a week, just too busy to waste that precious spring time to be stuck in front of the 'puter as of late ;-)!!!

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002

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