Today's Joke:

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, "Hi Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, "They won't let me fart."

QUICK WIT

Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002

Answers

Ha! That's not what I expected the grandma joke punchline to be.

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002

Snort!

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002

An 80 year old virgin has an irritable itch in her crotch area, so she visits the doctor's office. The doctor checks her out and explains to her that she has crabs.

The old woman insists that she can't have crabs because she is a virgin.Though the doctor doesn't believe her, he sends her to another doctor for a second opinion. The second doctor gives the old woman the same answer.

So, the old woman sees a third doctor and begs, "Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin!"

The doctor checks her out and remarks, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you don't have crabs. The bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies!"

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench talking amongst themselves, when a flasher came by. The flasher stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

Needless to say, the first old lady had a stroke....

Then the second old lady had a stroke....

And the third old lady, well... she just couldn't reach that far.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

Carl, if I read your stuff I'd be laughing my arse off right about now.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

Old Git, I'm so glad you don't read my posts...

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

I try not to read his posts, but they just creep in where I least expect them. But I don't laugh. (now you can chose to believe that or not ;>) )

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

I read them, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

ROTFL

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002