I have been the victim of abuse from my wife for nearly a year, several times she has bruised my face up with her violence, recently I hit her back, once, and gave her a concussion, and because of that action she has stopped her physical abuse, she also called the police and went to the hospital. both are things that I never did in the past when she beat the hell out of me. Although she hasnt physically abused me since that incident over a month ago she has been verbally and mentally abusive to me, to further complicate the issue we have 6 month old twin boys. Last night I got fed up with the mental and verbal abuse and realized that for my sons own good I needed to leave. waht kind of roll model for a father would I be to put up with that kind of shit? furthermore what kind of model for a relationship would that pose? She has been through the Im sorry stage for the physical stuff, but the verbal and mental began. If she promises to stop the verbal and mental abuse should I go back? What are the odds that it will happen again? and What about me starting to be abusive to her. I dont want that either but now that I hit her am I likely to do it again? Have I started a bad pattern for me?

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002

Answers

I would say to get out now. She has already shown that she cares very little for your life. You are simplely a possesion to her to abuse as she sees fit. There are only two chances of her being kind and stopping this. They are slim and none. Mine has already tried to kill me. And the police only want to be PC. They want to shoot some one, shoot again, then shoot again in case there is a witness. My knowledge comes from knowing that they use 44 rounds in a the home owner and then claim self defense and the lawyers claim they had to shoot that many times. (I guess because they could not hit something if they fired less than that.)

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002

My dad is in the same boat. He has been married to my Mom for 30 something years and she is controlling and verbally abusive. My Dad says he is at a point wher he will hurt her physically but doesnt want to. She is jealous of any man or woman that talks to my Dad and if she is not there when someone visits with him she asks him 30 questions to find out every word said and then tells him what he should have said. I am sick of it. I am on my Dad's side and I support him if he decides to leave my Mom. I just want them both to be happy. And, well my Mom is not going to change. We even had a big family intervention type deal where we met with my parents and told them look we love you but what the hell is the real problem? Mom blammed Dad for all their failures in life and then Dad just sat there and took it. He has become a sponge and wont stand up for himself anymore. It makes me sick to see him like that. Stand up for yourself, man! Dont lash out physically. Do what is right..go to counciling, church, visit with family but try to resolve. If she wont change you have got to decide if you are gonna put up with her crap for 30years or not. If not, then can you get custody of the kids? Can you prove her abuse? Good Luck!

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2002