RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN By Dionna Sanchez

Raising respectful children can at times, seem like an insurmountable task. We can encourage our children from their youngest years to start putting respect into place. If we start when they are little and maintain a habit of using respect ourselves, the task should come fairly naturally to our children.

Talk with your children about respect. Teach them that everyone has the need to be respected. You can show them situations (TV is a good example) of when someone is being treated unfairly. Always ask them how they would feel if they were treated that way. This creates empathy and puts them in other people's shoes. Remember though, to praise your child when you see them being considerate of someone else's feelings. This will encourage them to continue the behavior. When your child gets put down or puts down another child, talk about it together and us it as a learning experience.

Overall, as a parent you need to clearly state your expectations. Have these expectations be a family rule and exhibit them to everyone regardless of how they look or where they come from. Set limits on criticism and harsh comments.

Once you show your child why respect is needed and beneficial to everyone, it will become a valuable tool for showing love to each other. It will also enrich everyone's world. Don't neglect it!

----------------------- Dionna strives to raise her respectful children in Boise, Idaho. She is Editor of Emphasis On Moms which is a newsletter focused on encouraging moms at http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com/

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), April 02, 2002

Answers

Melissa I totally agree with you--- And along with respest come manners!!! They should be hand in hand!!!! The first words our baby Grandson said were "Thank you"!!! It sounds more like "Tant to"--but we all know what he means!!! As a Grandmother I am appauled at how many children are not even taught the basics of manners anymore---I believe it is the outward showing of respect!! Bless all you mothers who are teaching your children respect & manners!!!

-- Sonda in Ks. (sgbruce@birch.net), April 02, 2002.

I totally agree! I really believe that children no longer being taught respect is what has caused the deteriation of our society. There is no respect for personal property, no respect for parents, no respect for teachers and policemen, and no respect for the elderly. It seems we see more disrespect than we do respect.

We have taught our children that respect goes father than being tolerant. It means things like "showing" respect by behaving in public, sharing, and having compassion on others, praying for them, and saying "yes sir" and never calling an adult by thier first name. We insist that our children refer to any adult as Mr. and Mrs. so-and- so. We have a lot of folks who think that we are just too extreme (especially with the "yes sir/no madame"), but we just feel it to show a child's respect and I think children should show respect to any adult.

How can you expect a child to have self-respect if they don't first have respect for others?

-- Karen (mountains_mama2@hotmail.com), April 02, 2002.

I agree, a lot of people try to undermine your efforts when you tell your children to refer to someone as Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms. so-and-so, which is wrong on the part of the adults.

For fairly close adults (neighbors) we have worked out a compromise which is Mr. (Mrs., Miss or Ms.) + adult's first name. For the closest types (family friends), Uncle or Auntie + first name works well.

I know a lot of adults do not like being referred to as Mr., Mrs., or Ms., because it reminds them they are getting older (or they think someone is referring to their parents, lol), and I respect that, but without some title or honorific (Spanish has "don" in front of a first name for example), children tend to think of adults as their buddies, which to me is wrong.

Just my $0.02.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), April 02, 2002.

Children learn from their parents. We have always expected our children to address adults by Mr or Mrs etc./Aunt or Uncle. Of the adult friends we have who tell the kids to call them by their first names we have compromised. Friend Will is "Mr. Will". I can't count the many times I have myself addressed my patients as ma'am or sir and they are very suprised, they ask if I was raised in the South. I always tell them no (Raised and live in Washington State!) But all my patients are addresses as Mr/ Mrs or ma'am/sir until they direct me otherwise. Respect and politeness go a long ways in my book! Denise

-- Denise K. (Rabbitmom2@webbworks.com), April 03, 2002.

When teaching our children manners, I also had to remember to use my own manners at all times as my mother would always say, "The apple does not fall far from the tree." When they received a gift from someone I had them write Thank you notes, when I received one I also sent a Thank you note. I guess what I am saying is I needed to show them that I followed the same rules that I expected them to follow. I just found out that one of my sons, even thought he is away at school, called to tell his aunt Thank you for a gift she had sent to him I was happy to hear that. She said he always calls and says Thank you. They do learn and I know he will pass it on to his own children. Jenn

-- jenn (normaj3@countrylife.net), April 03, 2002.

I insist my kids answer all adultd with yes sir, no sir, or yes maam, no maam. They are very respectful and I would not tolerate anything else.

-- Mark Wells (mark25@juno.com), June 28, 2002.

I insist my kids answer all adults with yes sir, no sir, or yes maam, no maam. They are very respectful and I would not tolerate anything else.

-- Mark Wells (mark25@juno.com), June 28, 2002.

I was always taught to address adults as title(Mr./Mrs./Ms.) followed by Lastname. It seems that today, the in-thing is title Firstname. This seems ok at first for preschoolers, but at what point to you switch to title Lastname? I think the rule of thumb should be to have kids start with title Lastname until that adult directs them otherwise. NEVER just Firstname (without title). What your thoughts?

-- Andrew Whatley (whatleyandrew@yahoo.com), August 25, 2002.