How to give a cat a pill

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as though holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat:s mouth, and gently apply pressure to his cheeks. When cat opens up , pop pill into mouth. Cat will then close mouth and swallow

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Repeat the process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Remove second pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open, and push pill to back of throat.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call for assistance.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Ask assistant to hold cat"s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat"s throat. Flick pill down ruler with forefinger.

7. Retrieve cat from liveing room curtain valance.

8. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth, and set aside for later gluing. Remove third pill from foil wrap.

9.Wrap cat in towel, and ask assistant to lie prone on cat with cat"s head visible under assistant"s armpit. Put pill in end of paper tube you've made for this purpose. Then, force cat"s mouth open with pencil, and blow.

10. Check label to make sure pill is not lethal to humans. Sip water to take taste away. Apply bandage to assistant's forearm, and remove blood from carpet with soap and cold water.

11. Retrieve cat from neighbor's roof. Remove fouth pill from foil. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on cat's neck and head outside cupboard. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat.

12.Fetch screwdriver from garage, and put cupboard door back on hinges.Apply cold compress to cheek, and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Call 911, ask fire department to cat from eucalyptus tree.

13. Remove remaining pill from foil wrap.

14. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine, and securely tie to leg of dining table. Force cat's mouth open with tire iron. Drop pill, previously hidden in one ounce of raw hamburger, into cat's mouth. Hold head vertically with nose pointed to the ceiling, and pour one half pint of water down cat's throat, and two jiggers of whiskey down your own.

15. Ask assistant to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly as doctor administers anesthetic,stitches finger, forearm and removes pill remnants form eye.

16. Drop off cat, along with a generous donation, at animal shelter, and adopt a gold fish.

-- Irene texas (tkorsborn@cs.com), April 04, 2002

Answers

Very cute!!!!!! LOL.

-- Melinda (speciallady104@hotmail.com), April 04, 2002.

I have to give one of my cats thyroid medication twice a day, so I can sure relate to this! :) >^..^<

-- Sherri C in Central Indiana (CeltiaSkye@xaol.com), April 04, 2002.

Move step 16 to step 1. Problem solved.

-- SteveD(TX) (smdann@swbell.net), April 04, 2002.

I have seen this before and really enjoyed it. Thanks for posting it- -I was wanting to find it again. Thanks!

-- Dena (ddew1962@earthlink.net), April 04, 2002.

Thanks for the chuckle Irene!

-- Sher (riverdobbers@webtv.net), April 04, 2002.