THE POWER OF ONE: CONFESSIONS OF A CULTURAL VIGILANTE Motherhood Is Not For Wimps! By Judy Gruen judy@championpress.com Copyright 2002

I'll never forget the day I decided to become a "cultural vigilante." I was driving with my two little boys in the back seat. My eldest son, then 7 years old, tried out his new reading skills on a billboard we passed.

"Look, Mommy," he said. "It says, 'Get your butt in here.'" He and his 5-year-old brother tittered at the language. They were not allowed to use vulgar language at home, yet here on the street, it hit us smack in the face.

The billboard was intentionally provocative. It revealed a bare-bellied young woman with jeans unzipped halfway down. I was incensed. I felt that this kind of advertising was an assault not only on my children's innocence, but also on the standards of decency that our culture once adhered to.

Over the years, we have become accustomed to increasingly explicit and coarse images and slogans from magazines, radio, television, movies, and retailers. We cannot erase what we have seen or heard. A steady diet of this kind of rubbish desensitizes us and robs us of our civility, bit by bit. That day I began to wonder, why were we not as concerned with first-hand cultural pollution as we were with second-hand smoke?

I decided to take a stand. I called the retailer responsible for the billboard and complained about the image and wording. Though prepared for resistance, I was happily surprised to hear that others, too, had registered their protest, and that the entire ad campaign would soon be scrapped.

In the five years since this incident, I have succeeded in getting many offensive billboards removed from my community. The advertisers have ranged from soft-porn self-promoters and phone sex lines to others so vulgar that it boggles the mind that anyone thought it clever. The most recent example was a billboard for a sports radio station that displayed the clothed backsides of four males, all of whom were unzipping themselves in order to urinate. Additionally, I gave the name and number of the person responsible to business managers whose stores faced the billboard. That one came down in less than one week.

It is often easier than people think to get these offensive ads removed. Most billboards feature the name of the sponsoring outdoor media company at the bottom. From there, the phone book is your guide. On occasions when I couldn't be sure about a number or company name, my city councilwoman's office helped me hunt down the information.

I have found that a polite but firm phone call or letter with a rational explanation of my feelings usually gets results. When I call, I am patient and listen to the other side. I don't expect people to snap to attention just because I'm unhappy, but I don't back down either. In the end, most people have a hard time defending blatant raunchiness for general public consumption.

Violent images are also a big problem. I wrote to the vice president of a national chain of bowling alleys protesting the violent video games in their facilities. Just days later, the V.P. called me back to thank me for my letter, promising to share it with other executives at their next meeting. During a lengthy conversation, he also noted that the company had already removed what they deemed the most objectionable games.

I've also lobbied by phone, letter, or e-mail, to other companies and media outlets, explaining why I felt their seamy material harms us all. Obviously most will not change their campaigns or programs because they hear from me. But when enough people speak up, change will happen. Most respectable businesses don't want to get a bad rap, and companies know that for every one person who bothers to call or write, hundreds more were offended by what they saw.

I'm never deterred when I am told, as often happens, "No one else has complained about this. You're the only one." Even if it's true, I tell them, it doesn't mean I'm wrong. But imagine that it is true, that I am the only one who calls. I still get results more often than not. What a powerful testimony to the difference each and every one of us can make in our own communities!

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This article originally appeared in Woman's Day Magazine. "Motherhood Is Not For Wimps!" is Judy Gruen's sometimes hilarious, sometimes serious reporting from the front lines of motherhood. Judy, the mother of four, is the author of "Carpool Tunnel Syndrome: Motherhood as Shuttle Diplomacy" (Champion Press, 2002 http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0970073712/homebodies). Her work has also appeared in Ladies Home Journal. Judy's semi-monthly humor column, 'Off My Noodle," is available by email subscription. Go to www.championpress.com/offmynoodle.htm. Contact Judy at judy@championpress.com.

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-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), April 11, 2002

Answers

A subject near and dear to my heart! This evening I was waiting for the evening news to come on and saw a new commercial from Dish Network which showed a young man leering at the camera saying suggestively "I get it in the bedroom", then it switched to a young woman saying where she "got it' and then an old man chuckling, saying he was happy to "get it at all"..at the end of the commercial, you foun dout they were speaking about how many different places in the home you could have your TV hooked up....It was supposed to be outrageously funny but I found it to be vulgar and crass...Cannot wait to call Dish tomorrow and tell them what I think about their ad campaign....thanks Melissa..if we all stand around and do nothing, then we give tacit agreement.

-- lesley (martchas@bellsouth.net), April 11, 2002.

Agreed Lesley. Although I rarely watch Tv, I have seen a few commercials that make me think afew off their rockers 16 year olds are running the ad agencies. There is one for Arby's that made me livid!!!!!! This guy is in his office on a conference call, and he is dreaming about an Arby's sandwich, moaning and groaning, then the people at the other office who are all listening in amazement say, "Boy I wish I worked at the California office..." To tell the truth Arby's sandwiches are good enough that they don't need to use innuendo to seel them. I am going to e-mail them right now!!!!!! It is now my goal to send an e-mail to every company that continues to do this. When are we going to bring family values back to the USA????

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), April 12, 2002.

When are we going to bring family values back to the USA????

Depends on who's family and what values we're talking about. :-)

BTW, I've gone to using a semi-fake email address in an attempt to cut down on the amount of spam in my mailbox. Just remove the "x" and you'll have my correct address.

-- Sherri C in Central Indiana (CeltiaSkye@xaol.com), April 12, 2002.

I don't know about that Sherry!! Seems like a lot of people would not want their children to see a billboard like some of the ones described above, whether they are gay, single, married etc...

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), April 12, 2002.

I found tv to be so offensive that I pitched it out. Haven't even missed it! It is so bad that you can't even watch the news or a "family program" without raunchy commercials.

A bar here in our small town came up with a t shirt to advertise themselves that had an explicit scene on it. There were so many complaints that a town meeting was called. It was standing room only! Many very angry people protesting that they and their children should have to see such things on a public street. A few stood up to support the shirt, but most of them were drunk or high. They even stood outside the town hall and smoked pot while the council was voting! Finally the owners were fined and told to get rid of the shirts, not because they were porn, but because they violated their license. There was no ordinance covering the porn on the shirts, but I think there is now.

-- kim in CO (kimk61252@hotmail.com), April 13, 2002.