Peter Reid was looking to sign some new players to help Sunderland's Premiership survival (Ha Ha Ha) , so he sent his chief scout to Afghanistan to search for some new talent. Sure enough, the scout finds an outstanding 18-year- old striker and immediately signs him on a 3-year deal.      On getting back to England, Peter takes one look at him in training and immediately puts him in the starting line up for the big home game against Arsenal.      The new lad is fantastic, he scores a hat-trick and creates four more as Sunderland romp it 7-0. Ecstatic after the game the young lad phones his mum to tell her the good news.       "Mum" he says, "I've just made my debut and had a great game. The team loves me, the fans love me and the press loves me. Life is great!"      "Well," says his mum, "I'm glad life is great for you. Shall I tell you what happened to us today?.  Your Dad's been murdered in the street,  your sister and I were raped and beaten in broad daylight,  and your brother's joined a vicious gang of killers"  "Mum, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry"  "Sorry?" She yells down the phone, "You're f***ing sorry? It's YOUR f***ing fault we moved to Sunderland in the first place!!"

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2002

Answers

Another Poor signing

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2002

The old ones are the best(usually)

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2002

HAHAHAHAHAHA f***ing great!

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2002

Kenny that is bloody great....even made my mother in Law laugh

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2002

Good joke, but a bit rich considering your lot kicked an old dear to death for her fish supper.

ML³

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Poor taste, ML#3 - undeserving of you.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

I think it's the first sign of end of season tension kicking in. If Ipswich beat a scratch Boro side tonight then they are only 2 points behind Sunderland, with far better goal differnce. Ipswich have Man U and Liverpool but funnier things have happened. (ref. Gillingham/Wimbledon/Charlton ..)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Sorry Clarky, I thought this was a bad-taste thread on account of the joke.

ML³

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

ML³

what ever you do don't mention the Queen Mother

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

ML3 check out your facts the lass was from SOUTH Shields

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

The Queen Mother was from South Shields? I'm surprised the Chronicle didn't make more of it.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

I thought the police wouldn't release the details of the suspects Kennyboy? Have I missed something or have you got access to Northmubria police files? In which case should you be prejudging a suspect's guilt on a public forum before any trial? And was your joke not about how crime-ridden the streets of Sunderland are, not the geographical origin of the culprits?

ML³

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Gave names and addresses on North East Tonight.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

My joke was exaclty that a JOKE, you sad boy.
The adresses were on tv it went a girl from south shield and a bloke from n shields....
Are you from pennywell or what!!

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

"Trevor Cook, 19, whose address was given as the YMCA, Clayton Road, Jesmond, Newcastle, and Denise Thompson, 21, of Rothbury Terrace, Heaton, Newcastle, made a 25-minute appearance before North Tyneside magistrates. Both were charged with the murder and robbery of Mrs Watson, 77, of Spencer Street, Heaton."

Clearly not from South Shields, but the fella staying at the YMCA might fit the description of your average Fulwell Ender ;-)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

I know Kenny, but I would hardly come on this board and make jokes about your league position would I? ;o\

ML³

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Well i did make the s shields bit up , but it did prove he had no idea at all where he was from.. O and fell free to wind us up about our position ML lad ;o)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Well ML3 - you could just tell us to go fourth and multiply!

The joke which started this thread is good and is old. I first heard it used with Pav's mum writing to him and telling him how bad things were at home. One assumed she was talking about Czechoslovakia but she concluded by demanding to know why Pav had moved them to Sunderland.

The point is that this is light hearted stuff. It ceases to be light- hearted if one starts to refer to actual events and then judge the entire city by those events, and I'm afraid the reference to this murder of a pensioner is way out of order and below your usual high standard ML3. The fact of the matter is that every city in the UK will throw up some nasty story of this kind and it ill behoves anyone to then use this in some sort of holier than thou argument because within weeks something on a similar scale will have happened on their own patch. I recall the appalling murder of that 9 y o girl in Penshaw 3 or 4 years back. Anyone attributing this as typical Mackem behaviour would have got short shrift on here. These monsters exist in every City in the the UK.

Light hearted banter is the only game in town here, and you're one of it's better practitioners ML3. Keep it up bonny lad and let's forget about this bit of nonsense - no harm done.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

See you've been smoking the peace baccy again jonno ;-) or is that happy baccy?

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Erm - well I always thought I was one of the most peace loving characters on here and I'm sure I was the first on this board to express a wish for friendlier relations with the Mackems.

Wanna make something of it ....? :-)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

lol! jonno! must've had a good night then last night, what happened?

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Must've been a good night - I can't remember a thing about it...

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

I heard it with Kinkladze and Moss Side when he was at Man City.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002