An update on divorce proceedings

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Well, God was certainly in the courtroom yesterday as we faced the judge for the preliminary hearing. I was awarded temporary custody of the children and awarded child support. He is allowed supervised visitation with the children at childrens voice. At his expense and he has to set it up. He is also allowed to speak with Marques twice a week via telephone for 5 minutes.

Other than that I have found out that he has either sold or gotten rid of all my personal items I had to leave behind in November. What he left behind when he moved out the landlord took to the city dump. Curtis has told him I knew he was moving out and I did not. I talked it over with the former land lord and he apologized, but there was nothing he could do.

He lied to the judge and to my attorney during questioning, and was caught in his lies.

He now knows where we live and I am taking precautionary matters to keep my children and myself safe.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Thank you everyone for your love and concern.

-- Melinda (speciallady104@hotmail.com), April 23, 2002

Answers

Dearest precious Melinda-----I have been there done that & bought the tee shirt----

I promise you it will get better!!!!!

I stayed with an abusive man for 10 years--the divorce & what followed where not pretty----

I have been remarried for 25 years now!!!---but when you describe what is happening to you--it certainly brings back memories---of where I once was!!!

You have my love & always my prayers---as well as all on this forum do-God Bless you honey----can't do much over the internet----but sweet one I want you to know how much a care what is happening to you & your children---

To see some humor in this---those many years ago---my ex-hubby & Mother-in-law got rid of all my personal things as well as my daughters things---now 25 years later--- I have an 11,000 sq. ft warehouse full of stuff I'm selling ---

Always try to see some humor in any thing----& keep laughing!!!!! No matter what!!!!!!!!! My warped sense of humor is what kept me from sinking then/ as I wasn't saved nor did I have Jesus in my life then-- Praise God --I had many praying for me then-that I didn't know about-- -love to you Melinda!!!

-- Sonda in Ks. (sgbruce@birch.net), April 23, 2002.


Judging from your soon-to-be-ex, it just goes to show that going through a divorce doesn't improve a fool!

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), April 23, 2002.

Good news on the custody...hope they make it permanent soon. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

-- Melissa in SE Ohio (me@home.net), April 23, 2002.

BTDT. Ditto to everything Sonda said. At the time I considered myself fortunate to get the girls and myself out alive, wasn't overly concerned about "stuff". But later on after the initial numbness wore off, I was bitter for awhile over some of the things I lost, especially items with sentimental value. The judge was really angered and was going to put out an order for my ex to bring back every last item or go to jail, but I knew it would only make my ex angrier and put the kids and I at more risk so I got the judge to drop the order. I didn't own anything that was worth our safety.

A sense of humor does help immensely. I decided that if he really wanted all my horse show trophies with MY name engraved on them, he was welcome to them. :~D My ex spent a great deal of time and effort securing and guarding the things he stole, apparently thinking I would do as he had and try to take them back. It reached the point where I felt sorry for him.

Here's a little story about something that happened to me. After I had been on my own struggling as a single mom for some time, all my friends started trying to set me up with dates. I was very adamant about not wanting to become involved with anyone for many years, and started pouring out my feelings on the matter to the Lord. (Venting a lot of anger!) He indicated his plans for me were other than what I thought was right for myself. The Lord revealed to me with great precision that he had someone in mind for me...not who the person was but details about him right down to the type of shoes he was wearing. (This is not something that ever happens to me...these "revelations" complete with details!) Within a couple weeks a man introduced himself to me out of the blue, at a fundraiser. He could see I was reluctant to "date" so arranged some get-togethers with others that couldn't really be considered dates. After awhile we progressed to a real date, and on that occasion all the things the Lord had revealed to me were there, right down to the shoes, LOL!

This is the funny part - We went to his place for coffee afterward, and as I entered the house I saw he had an almost exact replica of nearly every single item my ex had stolen from me, including an antique piano exactly like the one I'd had. It was just like coming "home". (Later that night I wryly said, "Ok, Lord! I get the message!) We were married a year and a half later.

I think my circumstance was probably rather unusual, but I will NEVER forget that the Lord cares about all the little things in our lives, and in some way will restore what has been unjustly taken from us. Maybe not the same things, or even necessarily in this life, but he will heal those hurts. BTW, over the years I've sold or given away almost all the things I had "returned" to me, as my life has been so full in the really important ways that the "stuff" no longer had any meaning.

Melinda, I know you are going through tough times, but it WILL get better. What a blessing to know we don't walk through troubled times alone, he is there smoothing our path and holding our hand every step of the way. I know you also have many friends who will continue to hold you up in prayer. I will be praying for your peace and safety.

-- Lenette (kigervixen@nospam.com), April 23, 2002.


I am very sorry to hear of your troubles with your ex husband, and hope that you and your family are able to recover and go on with your lives. I have never been divorced, but my wife has gone through one, and knows all of the conflicting emotions that divorce brings.

I hope that all of you come through this fine; it certainly sounds like you have God on your side, and He / She is a POWERFUL ally; your ex does not stand a chance.

Take care and a prayer from way down in deep south Texas.

-- j.r. guerra in s. tx. (jrguerra@boultinghousesimpson.com), April 23, 2002.



I have no words of wisdom for you..when I went through this, I was neither brave nor wise,nor walking with the Lord..I DO have lots of prayers for you though and that is no small thing. If I understand correctly, YOU are brave and wiser and walking with the Lord, so you cannot fail. God bless!

-- lesley (martchas@bellsouth.net), April 23, 2002.

Melinda I went through the abusive husband thing, too, complete with my child being abused. I want you to know that as long as you live in the same area or state as this man, the safety of your children will never be assured and the court orders will never be permanent as long as he can beg, borrow or steal the attorney fees. Maybe the next court date is going to be in your exes favor because the judge just had a fight with his wife or your attorney is having a bad day. Do not forget for a minute that abusers are incredibly skilled manipulators.

I can assure you, no job, friends, house or stuff is worth the risk to your children or you. Talk to your attorney about moving out of state. There are lots of us out here willing to help you and a lot of wonderful places far far away from him.

I also confirm what Lenette said about God restoring to you what satan has stolen. Right now, stuff doesn't count but later you can ask God for a full restoration of your family and other losses.

-- Laura (Ladybugwrangler@hotmail.com), April 23, 2002.


Thank you all for your prayer and words of wisdom. I am not really worried about the personal possessions. I have already started to rebuild. My concern was that the church had loned me some of the furniture and my mom gave me the rest. I have spoken with my church family and they understand. I have faith that God will supply all my needs. I am trying to get some money saved so that I can move away from the city. Just moving around the city won't solve anything. I moved four times last year and he found me everytime. Prayer for God to lead me in his direction. I love you all. Melinda

-- Melinda (speciallady104@hotmail.com), April 23, 2002.

I've been blessed not to have gone through what you are going through right now, but I will be praying for you and your kids.

-- Christine in OK (cljford@mmcable.com), April 23, 2002.

Move and move quickly but make sure that you OK it with the judge first or it could be a mark against you. Make sure he knows that you fear for your life. Make sure that after you move that you don't call the ex from home. (caller Id.) Then he could find you. Get in touch with someone at a womens shelter that can help you with all the small details like that. My sister counsels children at a battered womens shelter and she will tell you that it is better to have no father than a bad one. My Prayers are with you.

-- buffy (buffyannjones@hotmail.com), April 26, 2002.


In addition to all the other advice I'd like to add a couple things. Get yourself a cell phone. Even without paying for cell service any working cell phone must be capable of dialing and connecting with 911. I'm many areas cell phones can be located by triangulation inf need be. If your local women's shelter doesn't have one they can provide to you email me and I'll get you one if your local provider uses the same system as mine. I have a couple extra phones I've not yet donated to the women's shelter here and would be happy to send one with battery and charger.

Also, and I'm sure I'll get some flack over this one, get yourself a handgun and learn how to use it properly. Be prepared to use it. Pointing it at someone without being prepared to use it is pointless and possibly more dangerous than not having one at all.

I'm not advocating stalking someone or purposefully taking a life. I'm only saying you need to protect yourself and your family. I can tell you this; If I'm in fear for my safety or that of my family and mine ever clears the holster, it will be fired.

-- Gary in Indiana (gk6854@aol.com), April 28, 2002.


Gary, thanks for the offer, but I am in a support group called breaking free. They have supplied me with an emergency cell phone. Don't fret about the advice to get protection. Several people from the forum have emailed me and have suggested the same thing. I was also cautioned to wait until the divorce is final before buying one or going to the range. I have put an alarm on my house and have set up video cameras. All but two windows are nailed and reinforced. I will be putting window air conditioners in the two. Thank you. Melinda

-- Melinda (speciallady104@hotmail.com), April 29, 2002.

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