It occurs to me that United were the first team to qualify from England for the CL as runners up, and tonight we became the first team to qualify for the CL in 4th position. What a shame we didn't come third a season or two back and collect the set.

The adventure began for me today with a distress call from the Stealth Astra, about to head into enemy territory and undercrewed! I immediately made Wing Commander Screach aware of my availability and less than 30 minutes later the Astra glided silently onto the runway in front of my flat. Pausing only to don my flight jacket atop the regulation Toon Army shirt (not Toon Air Force? - Ed) I "scrambled" downstairs to join the team. Clarky was already occupying the rear gunner position so I slipped into the nose cone and Pilot Screacher took on another dangerous quest into enemy territory. Quickly checking the instrument panel I noticed that there were no emergency signals from the CD player and that Simply Red were playing. Possibly a little politically incorrect - but hell there's a mission to accomplish here - what the hell.

Screacher pointed the craft South and switched to maximum "stealth mode" as we passed the Angel and skirted Mackem territory. Clarky and I threw baco-foil out of the windows to confuse enemy radar. (I don't know if the enemy radar was confused but other road users were mightily alarmed I can tell you!)

After successfully evading Mackem attention we were able to break open the top secret mission plans and found that we were headed for Ewood Park, Blackburn.

It's been a great night. We had a pint or two (as one does) in the Golden Cup pub and parked the Astra there. A very nice pie and chips at Mother Riley's cafe opposite the ground was then enjoyed, and we made the aquaintance of a retired Cambridge engineeering professor and Blackburn fan. It takes all sorts to make a football crowd - very nice chap. We were alarmed to hear a small group of our fans sporting the English Flag and singing "No surrender to the IRA". I had no idea the IRA was even in the Premiership and felt they ought to have come up through the Nationwide in fairness.

And so to the game - well many of you saw it on SKY with slowmo replays for all the interesting bits so you saw more than I did. The atmosphere though was magic with a lot of noise coming from the Toon end and us unable to hear much at all from the home fans. When an opposition goal goes in these days and the opposing fans celebrate I tend to smile quietly to myself and think "a lot of teams make the mistake of going ahead against us". In recent months this has tended to be their undoing. :-)

Lua Lua is a little Tresor and had a great game - he will get better and better - lovely player. Shearer's finishing is as deadly as ever and his second goal was vintage Shearer (like number 200 and the one against Everton) looks up sees the chance - knows exactly what he is going to do and despatches the killer blow with ruthless efficiency. Ace. His first goal was thanks to some wonderful tenacious work by Nobby hammering in 2 successive crosses after his corner was cleared. Elliot was sadly below par yet again and it does appear that he is not going to make the grade - very sad - a player who you know will give his all for the Toon. Dyer was starting to look really good as the game wore on. Robert had an off night and might have been red carded but to be fair to him he was plainly fouled at least twice (probably several more) immediately before the incident and I was astonished the ref seemed unable to notice anything untoward before Robert lost his cool and lunged in.

What a great time for the North East! We are in the CL again and will play in this competition during the same season that Sunderland will complete a magnificent 30 years unbeaten run in all European competition. We can be very proud of the achievements of this region.

The return flight was again reasonably uneventful with me switching to the rear gunner role and Clarky occupying the nose cone. Screacher chose a different flight path following the route of the M6 north and crossing the country after reaching Carlisle thus avoiding Mackem radar entirely. Passing my SJP address I pressed the ejector seat leaving Screacher and Clarky to bring the mission to a safe conclusion while I got on with my debriefing session here (that should have Ciara panting I shouldn't wonder).

Geordies in the Champions League me bonny lads and lasses! Say a prayer to the Spirit of Joe, and rejoice! The half-full glass has been topped up to the brim and a further few full glasses are being poured for you. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we fly! To Europe!

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2002

Answers

All Passports ready?

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2002

its just a tube ride to the nou camp for me jonno :-)

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2002

Great tales of a mission well and truly accomplished Jonno. Congrats and chocks away to all at Bomber Command.

Pity about the No Surrender maggots - I had the misfortune of encountering them at Elland Road back in December too. It would be nice if someone would just squash the tw@ts once and for all.

If I wanted to be associated with pond life I'd apply for the job currently vacant tending the Blue Peter garden ...

-- Anonymous, April 23, 2002

Haha great report as always Jonno.

Clarky and I threw baco-foil out of the windows to confuse enemy radar.

ROFLOMAO!!!!

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

There's nowt wrong with no surrender to the ira....squash those maggots!

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

LOL. Great report Jonno. Don't know how the Times managed to give Lua Lua 4 out of 10. OK he faded a bit, but he did enough when he was on the pitch to show what a prospect he could be.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Agree Pete, but his first touch was off, and Blackburn were on him too quickly for him to make a recovery. It made him look sloppy, hence the 4 score, I think.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Great report Squadron Leader Jonno, sah!

Not much I can add really - canny game, almost spoiled by yet another cr@p refereeing performance, and although I thought we played the better football, it was probably a fair result overall.

I'm afraid our defence were all over the shop yet again, and as Bobby is reported as saying in The Journal this morning "....they will have to learn how to defend better or we will be out before we begin(out of the CL that is)". Hopefully this acceptance by BR of our continuing defensive frailty is indicative of a desire and a serious intent to do something concrete about it.

Last night I'm afraid could be Elliott's swan-song - he was awful. In addition, I thought Distin had another dodgy game - discussing this in the Stealth Astra on the inbound flight, we all felt that Distin looks far more comfortable at LB than at CB where his positional sense seems very dubious. On the positive side, I thought Aaron Hughes had a good game after looking very jaded recently. Damien Duff is a handful, but overall I thought Hughesie prevented him becoming a major influence on the game.

I thought we were rather lackadaisical (funny word that isn't it?) in the 1st half, but tightened up considerably after the break - especially in m/f. Solano had a terrific game, and noticeably played a captains role, cajoling, encouraging and positioning players at FK's and corners, and even giving Dabz a mild bollocking for not marking Jansen when, ummarked, he headed over. It was nice to hear the Toon Army chanting Nobby's name at the end - well deserved; he's had a marvellous season.

I thought our front two did well, and never let the Blackburn back 4 settle. Lx3 wasn't as infuential as against Charlton, but I still thought he had a decent game. Shearer was kicked from pillar to post, while receiving no protection whatsoever from the tosser with the whistle, who certainly appears to be pursuing something of a vendetta against him. Mr Rennie was dreadful. Shearer took his two goals superbly, of course.

A wonderful, indeed memorable, evening in company with several thousand fantastic fans who never once stopped singing. Going a goal behind was simply the signal to turn up the volume. The successful culmination of a terrific season lead by a 69 yr-old genius, and hopefully just the beginning of a new era.

Life feels really good for a Geordie this morning.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Just awoke after returning to the Mess (surely you mean mess? - Ed) after a long but rewarding sortie into enemy territory. I can only endorse Rear Gunner Jonno's (not sure what @rsene would make of that mind!) report and confirm that happily, there were no casualties, with Squadron Leader Clarky left to negotiate the difficult last few yards on his own to his front door. I hope the neighbours (nor indeed his missus) didn't mind a grand rendition of "Geor-deeees, in the Champions League as he picked his way past the daffodils and up the garden path. The Troyes Boys were safely back in base, despite having to negotiate low cloud cover on the way back, with hopefully Dangerous Davey making it back safely in one of the troop carriers.

It's days like that which make supporting Toon a pleasure. We've all suffered (too many) set backs but this time, it was there for the taking. Clarky was feeling a bit apprehensive, sitting with a "buttock-clenched look" on his face most of the way doon (was my driving that bad?) but he relaxed a bit when we landed at the Golden Cup, which was full of B&W as usual. A couple of refreshing drinks later and we headed for Ewood. Good luck messages had been received fro Gav and Min which cheered us up. We headed for the chip shop at Clarky's behest, and soon arrived ootside, anticipating sustenance before making our way to the away end. However, Clarky's intelligence (?) had let us down as the place had long since closed down. With a rumnble and a grumble, we retraced wor steps and made our way into Mother Riley's Café, which as Jonn pointed out, was full of boith Toon and Rovers fans - fans being the opperative word, and we enjoyed some great craik with the oppo. No sooner had we settled doon for our supper than Clarky let out a cry "You'll never guess what I've done". Well, it wasn't that and thoughts of leaving his ticket on the mantlepiece at hyem came to mind. No - not quite as bad as that - just he'd left his glasses behind in the car for the second week in a row following his faux pas at Derby. Hopefully this would be a good omen and hopefully the long hike back up the hill would larn the owd bu99er ;-)

And so into the ground. We climbed to a high altitude to survey the battle ground and took our places in relatively close proximity, but far enough apart to ensure that we wouldn't be identified as the Stealth Astra © crew. You have to be careful, you know. No doubt, most of you saw the game on TV so I won't go into too many details. However, I thought Lua x2 had another excellent game, causing trouble with his running off the ball. I obviously didn't have quite such a close up view as the couch tatties ;-) and didn't notice so many bad first touches. But make no mistake, he has come on in leaps and bounds (!) in this past season. Speed had a solid game and improved in the second half. Little Kevin had a quiet first half, and Elliott another poor game. Whether his substitution was tactical or precautionary, who knows. At least YBR saved him any embarassment by saying it was cautionary. Hughes had a good game but I thought Distin was not as good in the centre as he has been on the left - another debate to be held on another thread perhaps. Dabs was.............well, Dabs. Our overall game seemed to improve the more Nobby got into the game - especially when he stayed out wide and strecthed their defence. Robert was poor, seemingly shooting on sight. However, his sights need re-adjusting and he did little all game (well, apart from that defence-splitting pass for Shearer's second!).

Talking of Shearer - he was awesome. Well, at least according to my well-respected source. He pulled the defence this way, that way, every bliddy way. And he took his two goals as well as any could want (well, most, eh GB?).

The Toon Army were in fine voice, and of course fully enjoyed their return to the CL qualifiers. Nice to finally meet up with Lynda, tho she sensibly decided to do a runner before being introduced to my other two crew members. Hopefully you can join us in HQ on Saturday Lynda for pre- and/or post-match bevvies. Sadly, after a communication error - I managed to block th ebliddy SIM on my phone :-( we were unable to rendezvous with Jonboy. I hope you enjoyed Mother Riley's bonnie lad!

And finally, many, many thanks to Mungo. Like any true wartime story, there has to be someone who is good at forging the paperwork providing supplies. You did us proud marra (and by keeping the tickets dry, we avoided smudging the ink).

Well, finally finally, also many thanks and huge congratulations to YBR and his men. A bliddy fantastic achievement. Who ever would have thought it was possible 3 years ago? Miracle man!!

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Great reading all the match reports today. It's just about like being there! Only without the hiking. :-)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

ciara - when travelling to Blackburn with Screacher NEVER, EVER leave your specs in the car and have to go back for them!!

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

LOL! did I not say you should bring your hiking boots? Having done that hike post-match a couple seasons ago, I felt your pain! ;-)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Hey - it wasn't a problem for Jonno or me (well, after the third bottle of oxygen and a blood transfusion. Poor owd Clarky was shagged oot (er, so to speak) before the bliddy KO.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Stewart Hall is speaking to his solicitors as we speak!

Stealth my @r$e Johnno, it was a Corsa and it was cling film. ;O)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Jonno ,I believe tha the insomniacs society are advertising for a bedtime storyteller,would you be interested?

Or are you busy on nightowls?

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Corsa it was ML3 - well spotted. The cling film was my fault. All those packs look the same and if I hadn't grabbed it quick I'd have been stuck behind Mrs Cort in Tescos.

So you're bored by my ramblings SK? That's a shame - many others seem to like them altho sometimes I wonder if they just want to humour the old bu66er. I'm sure they will quietly let me know when my services are no longer required. Unless they've all nodded off by then ...

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002