Heloo All.

I was just thinking. If you have sex when you are unmarried...but more importantly...A VIRGIN...this must be a complete and utter state of..."YOU HAVE DONE IT NOW AND THERES NO TURNING BACK...YOU ARE NO LONGER A VIRGIN.." type thing.

If you are a good catholic..believes that this is wrong...this must be a VERY traumatic thing...he or she may be in true pain that they can not suddenly become a virgin again...there is nothing they can do about it!!!

IM FINDING THIS REALLY HARD TO ARTICULATE AND STRUCTURE THIS QUESTION...DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND???

Yours..a little inarticulate

Dominic

-- Dominic (domngel@hotmail.com), April 24, 2002

Answers

Yes, a certain person got a little blindsided by their passions and felt that they were probably in love with their partner. They "forgot" God in the moment of the passion, and lost all faculty of reason (let's be honest, you never lose it ALL). Anyway, this person came to realize the gravity of their sin and action, and now feel as though they have damaged their soul forever. This person is now feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation and unclear as to what to do because, as you stated, the inability to "take it back."

Hope that helps clear it up.

If this is what the situation was that soul will unfortunately suffer, not to mention the damage the soul has brought upon itself.

"Say to your body: "I would rather keep you in slavery than be myself your slave." (Bl. Escriva The Way; 214)

-- Brian (sacerdos@hotpop.com), April 24, 2002.

This person should trust in God's mercy. This person should go to confession and know they are forgiven by God. He or she can learn from his or her mistakes and become a second virgin. This person can become a virgin again in mind. All this person has to do is to stay away from the occasion of sin. Movies,soap operas, music, persons, places, etc. that are influencing him or her to think dirty thoughts or do sexually immoral things; this person needs to stay away from. Hang around with moral friends, watch moral movies, etc.

God loves you and nothing you do can make him stop loving you. Many people make this mistake. Forgive yourself. If you remember again how awful a thing it is to have did this to yourself and God, call on God's mercy. Tell him that you need Him at that time. Frequently receiving the Eucharist, the rosary, adoration, confession, and moral friends will definitely help.

God bless you.

-- Sonya (johnsonya2003@hotmail.com), March 18, 2004.

I would especially emphasize going to Confession. You are absolved from your sins after confession and penance. It IS starting over. If you happen to sin again, go to confession AGAIN. Don't despair.

-- Brian Crane (brian.crane@cranemills.com), March 18, 2004.

I have done this as well. I cried the night it happened. I don't know what to do. People say you can be forgiven, but what if you can't. I think it's a mortal sin too. Even if I am forgiven...I'LL know I'm not a true virgin. I'm so depressed over this. I do love the boy....but it is a sin. He still loves me. But it is a sin. So I don't know what to do now. I was 20 when this happened.

-- sad (dee@hotmail.com), August 26, 2004.

Sad,

God still loves you! Love yourself too.

Frank

-- Someone (ChimingIn@twocents.cam), August 26, 2004.

There is no "if" about being forgiven. It is an absolute guarantee from God Himself. Saint Augustine lived with a mistress for years and fathered an illegitimate child. Saint Paul hunted down Christians and supervised their execution. These sinners were forgiven and went on to glorify God in ways few people in history have done. Not to trivialize the seriousness of what you did - you already realize it was serious - but still, look at it in perspective. God has freely and completely forgiven many notorious, habitual, long-term sinners when they turned to Him. He won't do any less for you. He promised.

One other thought. The Catholic Church places much emphasis on "being a virgin", and it is a valid concept. Certainly the virginity of Mary and many other great saints is to be admired and emulated. However, even though all of that is true, I think you should lose the idea of not "being" a "true virgin". You didn't "become" something different or someone different when you committed this act. And you didn't stop "being" anything that you were before. You are still exectly the same good person you were before committing this sin. You still have all the same virtues and talents and gifts you had then. We don't say that a person has "lost" something, or has "become" something the first time they commit other kinds of sin. I don't think we should overemphasize that idea where sexual sin is involved either. You are still YOU, and God still loves YOU just as much as He did before. You should take His example and love yourself just as much as you did before.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 26, 2004.

Actually, we do. " Became a Muderer", "Becae a theof" , ect...

-- ZAROVE (ZAROFF3@JUNO.COM), August 27, 2004.

True. Actually my point was that we don't have a label for "someone who has not murdered" or "someone who has not stolen", so why do we need a label for "someone who has not fornicated"? Someone who steals something is still the same person they were before the act, and someone who falls into sexual sin is also still the same person - however, excessive anguish and guilt over "not being a virgin" can cause them to become a damaged person. A person who steals something can turn away from such acts, and be just as honest for the rest of their life as they were before they stole. They were not permanently changed by committing the sin. Likewise a person who commits a sexual sin can turn away from such acts and live just as chastely for the rest of their life as they did before committing the sin. They are not permanently changed by committing such a sin. The sin does not cause them to "become" something they were not before; and it doesn't prevent them from "being" what they were before.

-- Paul M. (PaulCyp@cox.net), August 27, 2004.

Not true. Psycilogically the evetns change you. IE, peopel who kill. Once they take a life, it leaves a scare Psycologiclaly, that is near Universal.

Same with sex.

Likewise, their IS a Phsyical difference. Hormonal changed take pace in the bodt during, and after, sex, as well as the absorption of the Hormones and variosu other fluids of your artner.

This is why sex is so addicting, it acts ont he Body like a drug. a man or woman who has not had sex des not have this effect and is unused, or, a Virgin.

-- ZAROVE (ZAROFF3@JUNO.COM), August 28, 2004.

Sad,

Alternatively, "second virginity" is when a person has had illicit sexual relations, but then repents, converts and commits him/herself to the Lord Jesus (and Blessed Mother), in a newfound way until and if called to, marriage; otherwise the person will remain chaste because Christ is their Spouse. More and more Catholics and Christians are embracing heroic chastity by making reverent commitments thru chastity and second virginity.

The world, advertising and movies promote self-expression, which turns into expressionism and sexual pessimism (abuse and anarchy). Catholics are not against self-expression, but they are against it without Christ and virtue involved; once again, we are called to reverence not rigidity.

Look: the Blessed Virgin Mary was both a Virgin and Mother-chaste and free and fruitful. Every Catholic and Christian can be the same, no matter if married, widowed or single, or previously unfaithful and now converted--with a "Yes-Fiat" of freeing and heroic abandonment to God-"let it be done unto me according to Thy Word" (Lk. 1: 38). We can become holy!

God bless you

-- = (David@excite.com), August 28, 2004.

Hi David!

Please don't plagiarize. You copied this

fromhttp://www.emmitsburg.net/grotto/father_jack/2003/sexuality.htm

Even if you don't claim to be it's author, you must credit Father John Lombardi for it.

Peace,

-- Vincent (love@noemail.net), August 29, 2004.

Hi, Vincent

I found that for that young Lady to help her. There is nothing wrong with a coping a few paragraphs to show her.

I know Father(Jack) Lombardi personally as he is my Confessor. He would of want me to post it for her. If I would of posted the WHOLE essaay than I would of left a link. But its not necesaary for the words I did.

But, I will do it again to help someone. Its not against any rules. I believe the rules allow for two or three paragraphs anything more one needs to leave a link.

God bless you

PS: If you still have a problem with this please let me know and I will e-mail you his number and you can speak to him in person?

-- - (David@excite.com), August 29, 2004.

David,

I gave you certain advice. No need to get so "excited" :D

I chose to respond here for mitigating reasons. The point is you must reference your material.

I found that for that young Lady to help her. There is nothing wrong with a coping a few paragraphs to show her.

Did I suggest there was? What you did was address "Sad" with someone else's material which you "found" without reference. With 2 right and 6 left mouse clicks, you could have pasted the address of your source, less time it takes to type "Father Jack Lombardi wrote this" which would also have sufficed.

I know Father(Jack) Lombardi personally as he is my Confessor. He would of want me to post it for her. If I would of posted the WHOLE essaay than I would of left a link. But its not necesaary for the words I did.

Who cares if the Pope's your father-in-law and Mother Seton is your aunt? If you don't reference, you must get permission ahead which you have not done.

But, I will do it again to help someone. Its not against any rules. I believe the rules allow for two or three paragraphs anything more one needs to leave a link.

Rules? This forum has no such rules. But, plagiarism is a crime. You believe wrong, there's no allowance for even one paragraph. No plagiarism. Again, I chose to respond here because of the mitigating circumstances - precisely because I know the source is in your home diocese and does not have a copyright and because you gain nothing from it. And no, you will try your darndest best to not do this again precisely because whatever armor you've done now is post facto and doesn't protect you. I am sure this will keep you honest and give credit where it's due.

God bless you

PS: If you still have a problem with this please let me know and I will e-mail you his number and you can speak to him in person?

Don't be silly. Check all your posts again and make sure your bases are covered.

No one is threatening you with litigation...yet. It's a matter of honesty. Incidentally, this is meant to help not just you, but all of us better discern information - news posts, so-called catholic teaching, etc. Heed the advice.

God bless!

-- Vincent (love@noemail.net), August 30, 2004.

"I gave you certain advice. No need to get so "excited" :D "

You know the old saying about advice.:D

"Who cares if the Pope's your father-in-law and Mother Seton is your aunt? If you don't reference, you must get permission ahead which you have not done. "

Cute Vincent, but don't quit your day job!:D

"No one is threatening you with litigation...yet..."

I already told you what you can do if it bothers you. But if you don't want to go that route than there is not realy much else you can do, unless you want to start Litigation for it!:-) I doubt if I'll be going any where.

"And no, you will try your darndest best to not do this again ..."

No I won't! Scroll up and read my post again. If I copy a few paragraphs its not necesarry. And if it still botherers you then do something about it.

Its realy that simple.:D

-- - (David@excite.com), August 30, 2004.

Zarove seems to be right even though he is not a catholic. Sexual immorality has very drastic effects. It is one area of humans that runs through all the realms, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, and therefore, the devil's greatest propensity to attack it. Today, even with all advancement of science, psychology, sexology, sociology, etc., human beings are most confused lot, most broken, and most unsure is in the area of sexuality. If it does so much in one's mind and body, then its effects in the spiritual realm will be certainly much greater. The act of fornication destroys the innocence forever. The purity of the soul is lost (or integrity). There is a feeling of being cutoff from God (guilt)...a good sign, shows that the Holy Spirit is still there with you. If there is too remorse, self-condemnation, despair, etc,...dangerous, devil may use it destroy you like he destroyed Judas. While devil will try to make you run away from God in utter hopelessness and despair to destroy you, the Holy Spirit will make you turn towards God with a divine sorrow for the offense you have committed. The sorrow and tears are so sweet, and afterwards a true divine peace ensues!

The best remedy for having fallen into any sin is to run immediately to do a thorough and sincere confession. That will remove guilt and reestablish your union with God. Make a willful act to avoid sinful circumstances and people in daily life. Receive Eucharist with much love, devotion, and thankful tears privately to the Lord who loves you so much and has reestablished you freely. Frequent Eucharist like this brings much healing of the scars of any sin. As you continue in your loving communion of God daily, slowly he will heal the integrity of your soul and even almost all the consequences.

The loss of innocence to an extent remains. You are not the same, the spiritual freedom you had before has been somewhat lost. Unlike spiritual and experiences that are quickly lost and forgotten, carnal thoughts, images, feelings, sensations, urges, etc. are not easily forgotten. Time and again, these experiential impressions will suddenly surface and you may find yourself tempted in a much stronger way than before. You have once said "Yes" to sin, now God allows you to go through these very temptations so that you may say "No" innumerable times, an discipline for preferring sin than to God. It is not a punishment, but a sanctifying process. If you can fight with the aid prayer and Holy Spirit and say more no than yes all the way, then you pass the test of faithfulness to God. You are sanctified and purified, and you gain much more than what you have lost.

After all this, you have gained God in a much deeper level than before. You gained God's righteousness, justification, and sanctification. Lastly, "We know in everything God works for good with those who love Him who are called according to his purpose." Rom.8:28. Once surrendered into His hands, he can transform everything, even the past sinful, sad, and unfortunate events of your life into good. For example, God can make you a spiritually gifted person to help the youth who are grappling with similar problems in a much more convincing way, because you can now empathize and speak from life's experience and not just hearsay." Then you will even begin see there has been only blessings all throughout your life, because God has been always there in every situation of you life, even when you sinned!

-- Leslie John (lesliemon@hotmail.com), August 31, 2004.