This is not "homesteading", but I would like your thoughts. My 15 year old wanted to go to the prom this year - Dad and I said NO, too young. Well, one local girl and one local boy did go - both 17. They went to the party afterward, etc. On the way home they crashed. The 17 year old girl died. The girl did not want to wrinkle her dress. No seatbelt. From what I understand, the airbag got her. I would like to say the boy is Ok, but mentaly, who could be after that. I wonder how many kids we lose every year to a stupid dance "prom". I never felt this way before, but it is too close to home for me now. Yes, I am the public school advocate, but this is ridiculous to lose kids to a dance. What do you think?

-- julie (jbritt@ceva.net), May 08, 2002

Answers

Our high school offers a postprom party every year--no drinking, no drugs. The kids are driven to the party from the prom by parents, so they can't stop and drink on the way. It's at the YMCA in a nearby city and many, many prizes are given away by local merchants. Every year a car is given away if you stay until the end of the postprom party, around 5am. There are tons of things to do at the party--a disco, fake casino, swimming, a buffet, and many other things to keep the prom goers busy. The last three years my oldest has went and had a great time, they usually end up going out to breakfast after the party and she drags in around 7 am-just as I'm going out to do chores. Since our school started the postprom party NO kids have gotten hurt/killed after prom.

It's a wonderful way of allowing the kids to have fun at prom without the worries of them getting hurt.

Stacy in NY

-- Stacy (KincoraFarm@aol.com), May 08, 2002.

Hi Julie, I am sorry to hear of the sad deaths in your area. We have had a few over the years in areas where we've lived. I can understand your reasons to now hate the prom but think it's more than just at prom time that we have deaths & accidents. In the last 6 weeks 5 teenagers (3 from one school!)were killed in 5 different car accidents in Bowling Green,KY none were prom related but just kids going too fast, not wearing seat belts and probably not very experienced in driving yet. I guess what I'm getting at is maybe it's not just a prom problem but more of a too young or irresponsible to drive. So many kids now drive to school & afterschool jobs so the incidence of accidents seems to be skyrocketing. Our son is now 23 and married but he knew if we ever caught him without the seat belt on we'd take his license away; something that most parents don't realize they can do if they signed for their kids to get the license & the kid is under 18 they can have it revoked. At least that's the law in Wisconsin & Kentucky. Our son knew we would do it even if he would have hated us for a while. Better a live kid to hate you than a dead one. Maybe more school driver ed programs, law enforcement officers & parents should stress the safety factors; you wonder how many don't wear the belts because their folks don't. Again, it's such a tragedy when you hear of bright,happy kids dying so early and you & your community have my heartfelt sympathy. Peace. Kathy

-- Kathy Aldridge (beckoningwinds@yahoo.com), May 08, 2002.

My school where I teach art has STOPPED having prom because of the incredible expense for decorations, the expense to families for clothes that are worn once, and the fact that the kids only stayed an hour at most, then went drinking and driving and uhhhh, you know.

We had a very nice banquet instead.

-- Rose (open_rose@hotmail.com), May 08, 2002.

My oldest son is 14 yrs. old. He'll be 15 in Nov. he can't wait to drive. I hate to see that day come. Kids drive way too fast! I was behind a 16 yr. old from church the other day and she was driving 65 mls. and hr.! This on a country road! Just this year alone we've had 3 deaths due to driving too fast. In addition to that another 2 were air lifted for car and motorcycle accidents. I have already starded praying for my son for when he starts driving. I have also told him that if he's ever out with friends and they are drinking that he is to call me and I'll come get him. I gave him my word that he won't get into ANY trouble. Even if HE has been drinking too. Now I don't condone drinking at all. I just want my child to be safe. It is so sad to hear of young people dying too soon.

-- Michelle Thomas (mpthomas83@hotmail.com), May 08, 2002.

It is sad when a kid dies, but on the flip side, for the one tragedy you cite, Millions safely enjoy themselves. Maybe the parents should have better taught her how to prioritize things like safety and crushed dresses. My high school steady had the same concern and we solved it by putting my arm around the slight wrinkles at the waist on her dress for our picture. While I agree with you that it was a tragedy, the girls vanity apparently played into it as a factor, no matter how small. Control of that vanity was the reponsibility of the parents to instill proper valuation in the girls personality. It wasn't the "stupid dance" that ultimately caused the deaths, but lack of prioritized decision making.

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), May 08, 2002.

Julie, I'm surprised, you seem so liberal *grin* reading your posts. I think you were wise, though.

It is not so much the prom per se as it is the driving--the couple could have carpooled, had Mom or Dad drop them off (uncool, but safer), taken a cab (cheaper than a limo, but not as uncool as Mom or Dad), Date drives the car with Mom or Dad, who then takes the car home (hey, need the car at home in case of emergency, then lets Date drive home), etc. In some states, with the graduated licensing now, they would probably be driving illegally anyway (passenger rules after dark, for example).

The parents of the boy are probably looking a huge lawsuit now.

I think that parents should sit down with their kids and lay down the line on the driving--"driving is a privilege, not a right, and just because you're 16 doesn't mean you automatically get a license". Go over costs, too, because kids don't think of them, and point out how the family can be impovershed because of one accident.

Especially with boys (but also with girls, fair is fair), who are more expensive to insure, you can lay down the rules "you buy your own car, pay for your own gas and maintenance, and whatever portion of the insurance has caused the family's rates to go up. If you aren't getting a B+ average, no driving." To soften the sting, you might offer to buy them a car afer graduation if they agree not to bother you about it (preferably college, but even after high school is better than giving them one at 16, which I see all too often.

I realize this is very difficult. Working against you might be factors such as divorced parents who have remarried (parent who approves, stepparent who does not, not to be arbitrary but for the reasons I listed), lack of after school buses (so that all students can participate in afterschool activities, not just the chosen few with cars--why someone hasn't sued based on discrimination on that I have no idea) so that some way of getting back and forth is necessary if there is no city bus (we found with our older one it was cheaper to buy her a monthly city bus pass which allowed her to stay later at school than to pay for the school bus, which of course was only one trip up and one trip back), need for work transportation (which can also be a bone of contention--you are probably going to work all your adult life, why start so early? imho, concentrate on school instead, perhaps graduating a year or two early, and go overseas to "see the world", then come back ready to work). Most kids are not making enough money to support their working anyway, especially if they are working part-time--maybe parents can show them the "myth of the second income" scenario" so they can see why Mom or Dad stayed home with them (besides out of love, of course)-- the numbers just don't figure out. Some parents think that public transport is only for poor people--they should get real and go visit places like New York and San Francisco--even well-off people take public transport because it is inexpensive and efficient. That to me is the worst reason for allowing a child to drive.

When I was in college, my Mom drove me a half-hour each way so that I could catch a bus for an hour long ride to college, because she needed the car. There were several times I had to walk home from the bus stop when her car was in the shop. I never saw it as "poor me", I saw it as "that's the way it is". Kids need to learn that "their own car" is not the only way to get somewhere.

Sorry for the long post, I'll get off my soapbox now.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), May 08, 2002.

Now, looking back, I think proms are a big waste of money - when I was a senior, we all just wore our nicest dresses & that was that - not too much extra money spent. I think it's nice to go out & have a nice evening, but it seems to get a little ridiculous.

I remember my junior prom - my mom & dad bought me a beautiful (too expensive) long blue satin dress. It was a ridiculously HOT day in May - in all my pictures my dress was SO wrinkled because of that seat belt, BUT I arrived home safely & am here to tell about it.

-- HEATHER (H.M.METHENY@ATT.NET), May 08, 2002.

I think unfortunantly its the age of the kids-teens think they are invincible. Every year it seems we lose kids in car crashes-not nessasarily prom night but very often on weekends, after "partying" Yes I live close to Bowling Green, and I've heard about the terrible wrecks-but also there were the two college kids horsing around in a dorm lobby and fell through the plate glass window and it killed both of them. So its probably just not even cars- just high spirits and poor judgement.

-- Kelly (homearts2002@yahoo.com), May 08, 2002.