What would be the right thing to do?

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A few months ago I was slapped across the face by my boyfriend. We were in an argument over nothing very important, and it had nothing to do with our relationship or anything very personal. This was the first time he had hit someone, and the first time I had been hit. I stayed with him because I doubted that he would ever do something like that again. He hasn't, but since the incident his true explosive temper has shown itself. He will and does get in my face when he's incredibly upset, which isn't often. In general he's a passive person, and my complete equal. This is a relationship that I enjoy, that is nurturing, that is generally safe. But I have to admit that at this point it seems like he would be capable and may hit me again if his temper is set off. What is the thing to do? He's been a good friend for a long time, so this is not just a relationship at stake.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002


Lindsay- If an abuser began beating his girlfriend or wife constantly early in the relationship, women would never be trapped in abusive relationships. The reason women end up trapped is because it begins very slowly, exactly how you describe. An abuser will hit you once, wait for your reaction, then later do it again. Eventually it'll go from a slap to a punch, then to a kick, bites, burns, dragging you, raping you, and maybe killing you. My advice is leave. You have no way of knowing if he'll do it again. Once is too many times. Visit my site http://www.geocities.com/andifekete/index2.html Hope this helps, andi

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2002

Lindsay, I agree. One thing that stands out in your post is your statement that "This was the first time he had hit someone"---if you are taking his word that this is the first time, you have no way of knowing this is true for certain. Trust me, it gets worse over time and I've been in your shoes, they test the limit, then step past that line and every step they take erodes your self confidence---sometimes the result is death. Without treatment---YEARS of therapy, they never see what they are and they never change. I thought for years that I could change my wife, but I finally reached the limit the first and only time she drew a gun out of a nightstand to regain controle of an argument she'd started. Control for them is the key, its precious and its vital----and they'll do anything to keep it. Get out, find a good man who deserves you.

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2002

One thing you must remember is if you really love and care for someone and value a friendship then you would not be able to hit and abuse them. If he has hit you while you are only dating then the chances are he will do it again. Don't take any chances get out now before you are married to him and have children. You must also remember the signs of an abusive relationship his temper is another very powerful sign of an abuser. get out and get safe.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2002

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