are there any charges my brother can file against the women falsly accusing him of domestic abuse?

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My brother has a son. He and the mother are no longer together, they talk only for the sake of my brothers visitations. Personally I knew the woman was bad news when I met her,I minded my own buisness, but told my brother to be careful. He insisted on speaking to her on friendly terms but she always turns around and does something completely out of line. I told him to forget about being a family with her and worry about your son. It's now to the point that she has a restraining order on him. I guess they got into an argument, and she wound up at my brothers feet holding on as he's trying to leave. One thing led to another and she wound up falling down the stairs (because she wouldn't let go) he went with her. She called the police and told them he assaulted her. Now my brother just recently got out of the Marines (a sargent before his time) and has or shall I say had a good job, but now all that's about to go down the drain. Is there anything he can do? Does he get some credit for being in the service? Are there any charges he can file against her? What are his options? He has no prior offences(to my knowledge)at least nothing this serious. I look foward to hearing from you soon. Thank you.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2002

Answers

He should insist that the police file charges against her. Also, he should never say he's guilty (if he is innocent) no matter how the situation looks. Any history of abuse by his wife should be presented at his trial. Check what happened to me, it may be of help - stories John #1, this site.\ Good luck Ron

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2002

In response to your question about the court date coming up at the end of this month: The police might not file charges against her even if he requests it. This should still be tried and evidence that it was attempted put forth at trial. He should subpeona all the involved cops so that they have to state on the stand why they did what they did.He should also testify on his own behalf and explain what the cops did and any other information that shows she has a history of abuse or false alegation or whatever. The list goes on. Ron

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

If his excuse for the incident was "one thing led to another," and "she wound up falling down the steps," then he is not taking responsibilities for his actions. Police understand this, plus they would not have arrested him w/o signs of abuse. Were you there when this happened or are you taking his explanation for her "accident?" Additionally, she would not be able to get a restraining order on him were there no other incidents of abuse.

It sounds like you have been an intruder into their relationship from the beginning, which makes it difficult for you to accept that your brother just may be an abuser. Yes, even Marines (and doctors, and lawyers, and judges, and senators) are abusers, and no, you don't get excused from battering your wife just because of your profession. If he is about to lose his position because of his behavior, well, he should have considered it before he chose his course of action.

They have a child together. He needs anger management, and she probably needs counseling, as it sounds that she suffers from battered spouse syndrome. YOU, on the other hand, need to allow your brother to deal with this properly, support him, but keep your nose out of his business and your biased opinion of his mate to yourself. All you are doing is adding stress to an already volitile situation. If you care about their child, back off, and recommend that your brother undergo counseling to learn how to deal with the child's mother. It is inhumane for you to suggest that he should just raise the child and forget the mother...the child needs his mother, and he won't forget her as easily as you like.

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002


Hi: That last answer is very typical and is based on a female-as- victim bias that is making it very hard for abused men to be recognized and to get the right kind of help. Get used to that because you will see it a lot. As for the police: they rarely, if ever, these days need any kind of evidence except verbal. And thanks to others with the same bias as the previous answerer, men get drawn deeper and deeper in a very abusive legal system. Notice also how abusive that writer was of you when all I saw in you was a very concerned person who wants to help. Ron

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2002

I fully agree with Ron. My son is going thru exactly what your brother is right now. The only difference is that he was defending himself when he pushed his wife away. She waited until the next day to get a restraining order. There was a bruise on her inned arm where he grabbed her to push her away from him. She had kicked him in the groin area and was viciously in the face when he pushed her away. Their 12 year old daughter saw this. They are going through a divorce now he is countersuing her for extreme mental cruelty and gross neglect of duty. Her own family knows how she is and will say she is a self centered, vicious mean person. The most important thing in life to her is her and her monetary gains (for herself) She is now doing the mind games and treating her 17 year old son in the same way she's treated her husband! He is getting out and going with his father however the daughter is still in this environment. To sum it up the laws for domestic violence today are totally one sided. All the woman has to do is say he threatened her, shoved her, or some other story and the guy goes directly to jail.. There has been no judge or jury that has heard my son's side. He went before thejudge and was convicted of a misdeamenor 4, fined and it is now on his record. Never an incident before. She is free to do what she wants and can put him in jail anytime by just stating he touched her or threatened her. Now that's a one sided law and should be changed!!!!! Joyce

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2002


Thanks Joyce. It's happening everywhere, isn't it? Police, prosecutors,and judges seem to have lost the idea of innocent until proven guilty. It's discusting and disheartening. I hope your son makes out OK in the long run. Ron

-- Anonymous, May 27, 2002

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