non-Catholic divorced wishing to marry Catholic

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Very briefly, I was married 3 times, first, civil ceremony because everyone said we shouldn't, as soon as we did, we realized they were right and were divorced within a year, the second, I was in a bad life situation and needed to get out of the house, got married, (civil ceremony)never consumated the marriage, his reason for getting married was to keep people from knowing he was gay (military), we got an annulment (legal not religious). The 3rd time was a church ceremony on base so I have no idea if the pastor/priest was any particular religion. I was not nor was my husband religious at the time. I have never been baptized neither was my 3rd husband. Tha marriage ended because he was very controlling and into mind games, and would not go to church with me while i was trying to find my way in God. I did alot of soul searching, and would like to embrace the Catholic faith, and will be taking RCIA classes next year. I am dating a wonderful man who is Catholic from birth who I want to be with forever. we would like to get married, we found a house and want to live in it together, but as a married couple. What about my previous marriages, what do I do? IF we marry outside the church, what does this mean for us? If we marry before any annulment takes place what does this mean for us/him? I do not want to live in this house alone which will happen unless we are married, and had no idea the scope of things till recently. What do I do?

-- Marci (pa_mouse@yahoo.com), May 20, 2002

Answers

Response to non-catholic divorced wishing to marry catholic

Hello, Marci.
I'm very happy to know that you are interested in being baptized into the Catholic Christian faith. You will never regret it.

Your marital situation is a fairly complicated one. The best advice anyone can give you is that you should make an appointment to discuss your past and your future with the pastor of the parish where you will be in the RCIA program. He will guide you through all the necessary steps.
When a man and woman who are free to get married exchange wedding vows -- even if they are non-Catholic, and even if they are non-Christian -- the Catholic Church recognizes their union as presumptively valid.
The Church therefore must assume that your first union (the civil ceremony long ago) was valid in God's eyes -- until the contrary has been proved. So I think that this will be the starting point, and the priest will help you carry on from there.
The priest will also discuss with you the situation involving the house. He will talk to you about the fact that your friend is not permitted to attempt a marriage outside the Church, as the result would be invalid (no marriage in God's eyes), and your friend would then be deprived of the sacraments (Reconciliation and Holy Communion).

God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), May 22, 2002.


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