Having discovered another fire ant mound at one of my tower sites again today -- the hard way -- I am convinced that these things are the tool of unclean spirits.

In this particular case, I accidentally stepped on a mound and within 2 seconds, my left shoe was covered with the little demons. I turned on a faucet and flooded the shoe with water; they bit the leather and hung on. I ripped the shoe off, flung it onto the stoop and hobbled on one foot back into the transmitter building. I let them chew on the poor shoe for a while, then (very gingerly) retrieved it when their fury was spent. (About an hour later.)

These things are EVIL. They are HEINOUS. They serve NO ECOLOGICAL PURPOSE WHATSOEVER.

I have tried spraying them with poison; they swim right through it as if nothing ever happened. Even industrial insecticides, such as the ones I use to knock down and instantly kill hornets from 25' away, don't even FAZE them. They gorge on the stuff, catch a buzz, and keep right on climbing and stinging.

In desperation, I have tried things that are environmentally unsound and politically incorrect. Acetone doesn't bother them. Alcohol doesn't bother them. Freezing them with chemical sprays slows them a little, but they keep right on climbing and stinging.

(And it goes without saying that Extra Strength Off is an utter joke to them. They chortle maniacally as they climb right through a flood of the stuff, up your leg and into your crotch.)

(Hydrochloric acid will kill them, but that's more painful than the stings. Trust me.)

(It's eerie; you pour the acid on them and you can still see their little butts pumping up and down, stinging whatever they're on, even as they dissolve into a cloud of foul-smelling vapor.)

(They're *E*V*I*L*, I tell you!)

I know all about the crystals and the powders that you pour on the nest to kill them. The problem is, that takes a day or two. Does anyone here know of something that will kill these diabolical things instantly, short of nuclear weapons?

In fact, if they get on your skin, you basically have to crush or sweep them off. Nothing else will work.

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), May 20, 2002

Answers

... and it goes without saying that WHILE you're crushing them and beating them off your legs, they're stinging like mad.

A single fire ant sting isn't that bad; it's like a miniature bee sting, little more like a bad pin prick. But when you have a couple dozen (or a few HUNDRED) climbing all over your legs, it's no fun whatsoever.

I once stripped buck naked at one of my tower sites just to get the little devils off of me. Modesty quickly took a poor second place to pain ...

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), May 20, 2002.

They serve NO ECOLOGICAL PURPOSE WHATSOEVER.

Actually, they control other critters, one of which [I think] is Scorpions]. Heh. Since I've never seen a scorpion, I guess it's working.

I think it's something in YOUR genes, Stephen. There's a fireant attractant. A year or so ago, a school chum and I were studying outside on my patio. There were no fire ants in sight when we sat down. In less than an hour, there were fire ants on my feet, my legs, and crawling on my text. HER feet, legs, and text were untouched. It's all my mom's fault. [I blame all deleterious genes on her.]

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), May 20, 2002.

Small consolation. I'll trade genes, if anyone's interested. :)

Speaking of mothers ... how is Lucky?

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), May 21, 2002.

She's doing quite well...thanks for asking. She's now enthralled with the "Dollar Store" around the corner from her facility. Apparently, she "rolls" over there with her walker and brings home her own supplies. I'm quite grateful that she's willing to get out and about. THIS IS NEW! Of course this means that she's no longer willing to spend the cash I give her on things like getting her hair washed in the beauty parlor at the facility. She wants to get back into CONSUMERISM! I'm learning that old people are very much like kids. Once you THINK you know what they want, they want something ELSE. She still tickles me to no end. I'm SO grateful that she's still around, and I'm back to the thought that SHE'LL outlive ME!

BTW, Patricia lost her father recently.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), May 21, 2002.

All you need is a posse of decapitating flies

-- (lars@indy.net), May 21, 2002.

Lars,

THIS link (same site) is better! I didn't realize citrus oil would kill them. Thanks! :)

Anita,

I'm sorry to hear that about Patricia's father. My own father was recently diagnosed with cancer; he's in treatment now.

You ought to take Lucky to a Cracker Barrel sometime. The knick knacks are more expensive, but she'll probably flip out. They have all sorts of stuff in the "Country Store" part. :)

-- Stephen (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), May 21, 2002.

Stephen,

Sinse moving to Florida I have declared the fire ants as public enemy #1 and have waged my own little war on the little shits. It's hard to kill them instantly and I have opted for more complete erradication, I'm using Spectracide as the short term agent and for the longer term a new product called Over & Out, which is applied once for seasonal control.

You will not drive them away forever (barring nukes) but it is possible to keep them in check.

I found it interesting in how their biting process works, the 1st bite is to numb the area allowing the second/feasting bite to go un-noticed,yeah right.

I have found one positive contribution they make: I don't have very many, if any, honey bees in my area so the ants are crucial in pollinating my squash. Without them providing this service I would have to hand pollinate them myself, which is a major pain in the ass, so at least they're not totally useless.

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), May 21, 2002.

I don't know if this REALLY works, but I've heard that instant grits sprinkled around their mounds will be eaten and then puff up from the juices inside the body, causing the body to explode. I sprinkled some around last summer in a driveway crack that they used as a highway, but I never learned if it killed them. I suppose you could just scrape them off into the microwave and nuke them until they explode. We use the powdered fire-ant killer. It smells worse than malathion, and there's no place one can store it without the odor seeping through the jar, so the garage REEKS of this stuff.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), May 21, 2002.

I have created the fire ant. I have sent him to live amongst ye, to torment you and to ultimately breed with ye. I command thee to worship my creation or I will send ye a plague of head-decapitating flies.

-- (Beezelbub @ Infernos.R Us), May 21, 2002.

When I lived in Florida a long time back, I kept them in check by pouring boiling water on their mounds every so often. Never got rid of them though. After the first encounter when I put a bare foot into a mound and ended up with my whole leg swollen up, I was even more watchful for their mounds than for the sandspurs.

-- dandelion (golden@pleurisy.plant), May 21, 2002.

Jonathon! Long time no see....Anita, could you please capture some of these fire ants in a jar or something, feed them instant grits, and then verify if they do or do not explode? Don't groan too loudly, but we are moving to Louisiana in spite of the lousy schools, gators, and fire ants. I need to know ahead of time to be able to defend myself down there. If the grit annihilation theory works, I'll simply carry some of it as ammo at all times.

-- (Cynthia@making a list for.Lousiana), May 22, 2002.