"Redneck" humour, may be offensive to some?greenspun.com : LUSENET : A Country Singletree : One Thread
NOT pc, but I'm amused. Although...not sure about #12, eh? ;)
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter our state:
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at got more exercise before breakfast than you'll get all week at the gym.
2. It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your BMW. I have four-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Pull your pants up and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of turkeys are making their approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
8. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards, though; it spooks the fish.
9. If you bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
11. Let's get this straight: We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
13. Yeah, we eat catfish, trout and other wild game too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
14. They're pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
15. "The Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday.
16. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being friendly. Try it sometime.
-- Patty (SycamoreHollow1@aol.com), June 01, 2002
I like #10 myself. I'm gonna print this out to give to the old timers at the "Viagra Appreciation Gazebo" as I go through town this morning.
-- Jay Blair in N. AL (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 01, 2002.
Loved it, So why would you think it would be offensive???
-- Sherry (email@example.com), June 01, 2002.
#2 reminded me of our neighbors. We live on a gravel road and have just over a mile to drive to hit pavement. Our neighbors drive 10 miles per hour down the gravel road so as not to ping a rock or get too much gravel dust on their fancy cars. They sure do cringe when folks pass them!
-- Cheryl in KS (firstname.lastname@example.org), June 01, 2002.
...mmmmm, neighbors. I got me some new ones, YEEEEHAW. not.
Ahyah, just met the gal that moved in up the road. At the head of my driveway actually. I guess you could say it's still a good piece from here..prolly an eighth of a mile or so, but I personally think it's too damn close. Sooooo, I'm down weed whipping(I say whipping...don't give me hell, my son always does..yadda yadda weed EATING) the creek bank. (I like it mowed, it looks nicer and besides you can see the copperheads) So, I've been a mad-weed-pullin'-mowin-weedwhuppin' fool all day...and I'm looking pretty sexsay. (Oh yeah baby, check out the green slimed, black, steel toed, combat lookin' boots.)
And this monster dually, brand new, bright red beast, proudly displaying a rebel flag and a few choice bumper stickers, comes growlin' in. Out hops a blond, (the type I always feel like asking one question, "why DO you dye your roots that dark color, when you have that gorgeous flaxen mane?) Tighttight shorts, loads of makeup (bright blue eyeshadow)and red highheeled cowboy boots. I kid you not.
"HEY Y'ALL! I been meanin' to come down and introduce ma own self! I came to ask ya, did y'all shoot my dawgs? My angels came home all shot up, and I sez to Chuck, who would do such a thang? Bout near broke my heart! Course they have been shot twice afore, it's a wunner they are still breathin'! I let em run, and I guess they like to find trouble! *giggle* They run livestock, ya know!"
Y'all....she IS married. *wink wink* *nudge nudge*
-- Patty (SycamoreHollow@aol.com), June 01, 2002.
Patty, I am a native of W.Va. When I get " Wva red-neck" jokes in my email. . . . . . I change the state to "Arkansas", before I forward them. LOL!
-- Granny Hen (cluckin email@example.com), June 02, 2002.
Oh Granny, can't bullshit a bullshitter...I know y'all harbor red- necks around those parts! ;) Don't ya just love redneck jokes, I'm always raising my eyebrows....What do you mean, "you might be a red- neck if directions to your house include, turning off the blacktop"???!!! heh heh.
Sherry, I'm sorta ornery... But, I never mean anything by it, certainly not to offend. I know everyone has buttons, including me!
-- Patty (SycamoreHollow@aol.com), June 02, 2002.