This octopus walks into a bar..(really stupid slightly dirty joke) : LUSENET : A Country Singletree : One Thread

Why post it if it's stupid do you ask...good question. heh. ---------------

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.

"He can play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play. A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.

Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix.

The guitar owner pays up the $50.

Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis.

The trumpet-owner coughs up the $50.

Then a Scotsman plonks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look.

"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to scr*w it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."

-- Patty (, June 14, 2002


My death is on your hands :>) I'm calling MacGregor at the plant when he gets on shift tonite.

An Englishman, Scotsman and an Alabama redneck are trying to get into the Olympic Games, but can't get tickets. They see the entrance for the competitors so the Englishman seeing a long pole on a service truck, strips to his athletic style boxer shorts, tucks the pole under his arm and walks to the gate announcing "Smyth, England, pole vaulting" and is admitted. Seeing this the Scot does the same and removes a manhole cover from the street, tucks it beneath his arm and proceeds throgh the gate announcing "MacGregor, Scotland, discus. Seeing this, the redneck picks up a roll of barbed wire from the truck, stips to his long johns and as he approaches the entrance, drawls "Billy Bob Smiff, Alabama, fencin'"

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (, June 14, 2002.


I realized why I liked that joke, it was the Scots accent, anything with a "written" Scottish, or Irish accent is funny to me!!!

.....Errrr, not that I'm laughing "at", so to speak, 'cause I'm half Irish after all, it's just......seriously! ..don't look at me like that! I mean, I have lotsa friends who....Oh never mind. ;)

-- Patty (, June 14, 2002.

Patty don't feel bad. When I picked up oldest son from the university yesterday, I walked into his room and he greats me with a scottish accent and proceeds to speak this way the rest of the time until we got home. I have to tell you though that my son specializes in accents and is really good. He has a good friend, his former counselor from camp, who is from Scotland. He is coming for a visit this summer. My son is always making fun of the was Fraser says things. But he is ver capable of holding a full long term conversation with a GOOD scottish accent.

Oh yea! I like the joks a lot!!

-- Susan in MN (, June 15, 2002.

OMG Susan, my son does accents also! He's the type of person who I have a really hard time reprimanding for being non PC or crass....because I'm laughing too hard! Lets see, is "Amish" and "Hood", are quite...colorful. hmm, and a British one. Oh man. It isn't just the accents though, it's the inpromptu things that fly out of his mouth! ;-)

-- Patty (, June 15, 2002.

Patty too funny! HOw old is your son? Mine is 15 year old! The things that come out of his mouth are pretty funny. One of his favorite things to say when people are, he feels, being unreasonable is this; "What are you too good for thickly sliced tomatoes?" in a perfect James Bond British accent. I have always picked up accents easly, most people think it is contrived but it isn't, it just happens. Now I have a very strange accent from my years of living all over.

Hey, maybe one day we will meet and our kids will hit it off!!

-- Susan in MN (, June 15, 2002.

That's hysterical Susan!!! I'll have to borrow that one from him!

My lil darlin' in going to be 17 in August. That would be cool! Wonder if they would get along? My kids are very into their _own_ things these days. My son is kind of a preppy/trendy jock type (baseball), he's dating(seems quite serious,ie years) the very wholesome and blondly beautiful, preachers daughter. I think he's thinking of getting into graphic design. My daughter on the other hand (19) is a wrangler wearin', dyed in the wool, country gal. She was big into FFA and showing, raising stock, she's currently working as one of the head milkers in a large dairy and going to vet school in the fall. My youngest will be 11 in August, I think she will follow loosely in her older sisters footsteps. Us girls have always been the "farmy" ones.

Isn't it funny how your kids are so individual!! I'm certainly not preppy nor "Country". hmmm.

-- Patty (, June 16, 2002.

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