He watched the placid face and suddenly realized his own obviously agitated state and immediately tried to correct himself before responding. He tried to compose himself in much the same way as the body that sat across from him. “I haven’t made a decision yet.” He waited a moment before and after he said, “That doesn’t answer my question, but you know that.” “Why? I mean, I’m trying.” “Yes, I see what you do-” “What am I doing?” The lips on the face spread to form an inviting smile. The lines on his face are always indicative. He stood up, went to the counter, made a cup of coffee and left it on the table between the two seats. He drank and swallowed consciously. ‘What am I doing?’ Did I ask him that? But I know I did. He shook his head in reproach almost unnoticeably. He looked up and continued the conversation, and decided to change the subject. “There’s some party next week. I’m going to attend. She asked me to ask you if you would want to go as well. Do you want to go?” “You know I want to, but tell her I said sure.” “Does that answer her question?” “I wouldn’t go if I didn’t want to.” He reached for the cup of coffee, found that it was empty and pushed it to the end of the table. “You wanted to do everything that you’ve done, right?” “Of course,” he answered impetuously. “But I don’t want to do everything that I’ve done. I want to do everything that I will do.” “You wanted to do everything that you will do?” “And I will want to do everything that I will do.” He sat silently and thought for a moment. Then he did the same. “Why do you still hesitate?” he stated, expecting an answer. why are there reflexive apologies? or are they conditional? are they like "follow-ups" for a joke that seemingly evoke no reaction? what is a response? is nothing a response?

relevance? doubt? boredom? sobriety? acceptance? behavior? feedback? recall? recognition? or recognition? recall? comparison? 'comparison?'? compromise? order? relevance? moment process? ......... futility? doubt? ...........awareness?........doubt? awareness?.........doubt? fear? 'fear?'?

E

-- This is an excuse (A2ndrateprofit@aol.com), June 28, 2002

Answers

We define the points at which we decide are the beginnings and ends of any moment. They are the products of our will. Descriptions of a collection of acts of will are easily allotted into categories fit to summarize behavior as a trait. Adjectives or "titles" of this sort are specifically chosen to validate one's own perception or what one wants to believe to be true of what they conceive to be reality; a selection of beliefs in the interpretation of others. An individual act can be "seen" complementary to other acts that fit a self-imposed criterion. Comparing one perception to another and seeing a similarity/difference between them may be coincidental if not deliberate. Every act is a choice nonetheless, no matter how common it is to deflect responsibility and how easy it is to avoid consequence, and how safe it is to offer (throw) a proposition that allows no response. Because how can a thought (which can not think) question one's authority? Anyway, these words that are and will be written here can be a (response) to the (questions) I posed above, or it may be a (question) to what I was (respond)ing to before, or it may have no relevance (in consciousness) to those preceding words, but I did try to use the same words that were obviously used last time, I know I made no suggestion that one should view this in conjuction with anything I've written in the past though. Except after this moment, it could be apparent that it was intentional that I am elaborating on the previous list of "questionable" words.

E

-- With humility and presumptuousness (A2ndrateprofit@aol.com), June 29, 2002.

I find it remarkable that my previous post is headed with the word "answer."

E

-- (A2ndrateprofit@aol.com), June 29, 2002.

as if decisions are based on our judgement on the sufficiency of our own reasoning. E

-- (A2ndrateprofit@aol.com), July 04, 2002.

I'm not surprised that uou are the only one who has responded to this mental masturbation. "We define the points at which we decide are the beginnings and ends of any moment" what the hell kind of statement is that? I'll describe a moment to which we'll try to apply this: two poeple are running with their heads down completely oblivious of each other. Eventually they collide; head to head and both fall over unconsious. The 'moment' would be their collision and falling over. The decision to run would have been made some time ago and their falling over would by no means be their decision. Your statement is pretty meaningless. To systematically go through the rest of your rather obsurd attempts to sound clever would be as easy as it would be time consuming. So I won't...

-- recreational_drug (janecherrington@paradise.net.nz), July 05, 2002.

you must see how I could sound "clever" for me to seem that way. If not, your decision to choose that word to describe what you think you know are my reasons for "attempting" to do what i do is arbitrary. A day does not decide to consist of twenty-four hours, the mind decides that twenty-four hours consists in a day.

E

-- (A2ndrateprofit@aol.com), July 05, 2002.

("To systematically go through the rest of your rather obsurd attempts) to sound clever"

E

-- (A2ndrateprofit@aol.com), July 05, 2002.

I just finished rereading this page and I dont understand what you wrote about defining moments and acts and behavior. It makes as little sense as recreational drug's response. except for the analogy he used about "mental masturbation," that, i see clearly. Is that first part supposed to be a page from a book or something? by the way, do you think that its "clever" to respond to your own questions?

-- john lewis (sparku@hotmail.com), July 23, 2002.

I'm just curious.

-- john lewis (sparku@hotmail.com), July 23, 2002.

Place the “little sense” that has been made by what is derived from words next to the sense that can be made by what is selected to be executed in understanding the universe by methods that we have granted ourselves. When we choose to see things as exceptions, we have chosen a way to describe the noticeable shift in a remembered, recognized and recalled pattern. Instead of welcoming or manipulating this “new” pattern, it has the predetermined fate of exclusion. And what happens when fate determines that you are fated? I guess you’re just pretty much screwed, huh? screw that. Identify an entity as separate components; at your own request, recognize what would unite them again, and you’ve got yourself an analogy. In what ways will the act of “rereading” function? To clarify? elaborate? repeat? and to whom? Am I responding to you right now? can’t I also see your post as strings of unintelligible words serving purposes I’ve interpreted as a convenient excuse to continue writing? Don’t I?

I

-- (A2ndrateprofit@aol.com), July 24, 2002.

you are so well-mannered. so you're saying that the things I say are unintelligible? You must think that you're very intelligent yourself. you're just a pompous and self-centered prick, too self- absorbed to be aware of anything that's going on around you other than your need to satisfy your ego. you're so smart, you must know that only the weak believe in things like fate. what you wrote clearly shows me that you are one of those weak, helpless people who has let something like "fate" rule you.

-- john lewis (sparku@hotmail.com), July 24, 2002.

Memories... [sound of tiny fiddle in background]

I remember arguments like this... You both need to get sexed up.

-- Charles Martin (bebop432@earthlink.net), March 06, 2003.