Daughter of an abusive husband

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Although my father hasn't abused my mother physically in a very long time, many many years, the terror she lives in is obvious to those who know her. However, it also has to do with culture and things of that nature. Since my parents have moved to Canada the abuse has stopped. I was born here 20 years ago, and have never seen this abuse happen. But i know it has. And it is difficult to understand, although i try. I love both my parents, but sometimes it is very difficult to get over what my father has done, and teh continuing pain i see my mother in. How do other people deal with this?

-- Anonymous, July 04, 2002



Since the abuse has stopped and hasn't occurred in many years, it would be to your mother's advantage to see a mental health counselor if she's not already doing so. I take it she's not intending to leave your father and intends to stick the marriage. Seeing a counselor will allow her to verbalize her feelings, get validation, and with any luck deal with the post traumatic stress she's no doubt feeling over the abuse. I wish her all the best of luck.

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2002

In my years of working in domestic abuse I have found that the pain you are feeling is very real. One thing you must understand is that you can not take away your mothers pain. You also can not make her see the abuse if she has blocked it out. One thing you should do to help you is get into a support group for people who have witnessed abusive relationships in their family. Also learning more about the cycles of domestic abuse will also help you understand why your mother has never done anything to escape the abuse. If you can not find a support group in your area you might try another alternative. If you have any other questions I will be glad to help if I can.


-- Anonymous, October 08, 2002

I hear you, I myself has witness my mother went through abuse many years ago. That was when I was over there, back home. The sad part about it is that she was pregnant most of the time. But since I left home I haven't been back nore see my mother for about 12 now. But I think whether you're a father or a husband, you do it because you want to be in control. You feel if you don't she will not listen. But you know once you have many children with this man, is very difficult to up and live. I always say to myself "I hope to God I never get marrieg to one who would abuse me." Physically or emotionally, but I guess I was wrong cause I felt into that trap and I never saw it coming. But I'm hear in the US now and I will die if I have to see my child go throgh what I went through or alow her father to do me so. Is very difficult, whether you're a mother going through it or a child. Cause those memoried never leave you, you take then to your grave.


-- Anonymous, February 21, 2003

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