Hello,

My ex husband and I divorced in 2000. We were married in the Methodist Church and had both been baptized before our marriage. He recently met a girl and he is now wanting to become Catholic (I believe for the wrong reasons - just to be married in the Catholic church for her and not because he has found Christ.) I was "served" today with a letter informing me of annulment proceedings on grounds of my "lack of discretion in judgement". Does this mean that my ex told the Catholic Church that I was unfaithful? The fact is that he is the one who cheated during our marriage. I did my duties as wife completely and I never strayed. Can I appeal the reason of the appeal and can it actually be changed? I have a very big moral problem signing anything that is created under a false pretenses (him lying) and is completely untrue. What can I do to get this changed? What are my chances of getting it changed? And honestly..what are his chances of getting the annulment granted?

-- Kathy (brwnidgrl13@hotmail.com), July 18, 2002

Answers

Jmj

Whoah, Kathy! Take it easy. Things are not as they seem to you.

You asked if "lack of discretion in judgment" means "that [your] ex told the Catholic Church that [you were] unfaithful". But then, rather than wait for an answer from us, you assumed the worst and started jumping to wrong conclusions. For example, you do not yet have any evidence that your husband lied.

The term ("lack of discretion") has nothing to do with unfaithfulness. In fact, the whole process of what you called "annulment" has nothing to do with infidelity and other things that occurred after your wedding day -- things that you and/or he considered "grounds for divorce."

The "nullity" process in the Catholic Church is one in which an impartial panel of experts (tribunal) evaluates testimony from the spouses and others with a desire to determine what was true before and on the wedding day only. With a knowledge of these facts, the marriage tribunal must do their best to judge whether or not true and valid consent could be given and was given by the spouses on the wedding day. If a valid marriage (spouses truly joined together by God) did NOT begin on that day, the tribunal will state that fact in a Decree of Nullity (commonly, though inaccurately, called an "annulment").

What then is "lack of discretion"? Here is how a tribunal judge, Monsignor Kevin Quirk, answered:

"Discretionary judgment is the action of mental faculty whereby an individual engages in sufficient cognitive reflection about an intended action [such as marriage] in and of itself and critical evaluation of self, the circumstances, and possible outcomes. Exercising discretionary judgment enables one to have the sufficient reflection to truly intend an act and to properly inform the will to choose to act in a certain way. Failure to exercise discretionary judgment can result in a failure to have sufficient reflection to act or, in some cases, validly enter the sacrament of marriage. The question here is did the individual understand the which he or she was doing and critically consider his or her ability to undertake and fulfill the essential rights and obligations of marriage."

Kathy, you said that the process has begun "on grounds of [your] 'lack of discretion in judgement'". It seems more likely that the tribunal will be looking for "lack of discretion" on the part of EITHER or BOTH of you. It is possible, though, that just one spouse "lacked discretion" -- for example, did not know, and refused to agree, that an obligation of the spouses in marriage is to be open to children. But the process is not taking place so that you will be publicly blamed or humiliated. The proceedings and records are confidential.

Kathy, the facts in each case are unique. It is impossible for anyone to give you "chances" or "odds" about whether or not a Decree of Nullity will be granted. Just testify truthfully, trust in God, and be at peace.

God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), July 19, 2002.