As we all know that laughter is good for the soul, I found these very humorous. They were passed on to me from a friend. While some of these may seem a bit irreverant, the fact that they were actually printed this way shows the need for proofreading. (I know this has nothing to do with Church doctrine, but I felt it needed to be aired out a little in here, you could almost cut the tension with a knife.)

What would we do without church ladies with typewriters? These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins:

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

9. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

10. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again', giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

11. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

12. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

13. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

14. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

15. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

16. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

17. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

18. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

19. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

20. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

21. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

23. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

24. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

25. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. - prayer and medication to follow.

26. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

27. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

28. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

29. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

30. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

31. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

32. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

33. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

34. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

-- Isabel (isabel1492@yahoo.com), July 23, 2002

Answers

Proof that #9 on the list is authentic:

-- Emerald (emerald1@cox.net), July 23, 2002.

Isabel, That was absolutely hilarious! :D

#16 & 17 in particular.

Thanks for posting.

-- jake (jake__@msn.com), July 23, 2002.

Thank you Isabel I have not laughed so hard in a while. I am going to have to copy this and email it to a few friends if you don't mind.

Thanks again and God Bless

-- (sacerdos@hotpop.com), July 23, 2002.

Isabel,

That was hysterical...thanks for the gift of laughter. You are right, we do need to laugh more often than most of us do, probably. And you know what? Jesus wants us to laugh too...it is a precious gift.

I, too, am going to copy that and e-mail it to my friends and family.

MaryLu

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), July 23, 2002.

You are all very welcome. I am glad you enjoyed them. It's great to see others with a sense of humor. :)

My favorites are 11, 29 and 31. But they are all hysterical. I laugh all over again whenever I read these. I do agree, MaryLu that Jesus wants us to laugh, too. If we never do, then those things we are striving to achieve become unreachable. I think being able to laugh keeps a lot of things in perspective.

-- Isabel (isabel1492@yahoo.com), July 23, 2002.

All of them a hoot - 18 -26 -27 29 made me laugh out loud.

If I may - Christ taking a walk approached the Peraly Gates and gave the angel on duty with the Book Of Life a break for a century or two.

Inforn of Christ stood a elderly man with tussled hair and rummy eyes. Christ deeply touched said " You have sufferd " and the reply being " Yes I have.

The man was asked if he had a son with the answer being yes. Did he have holes in his feet? Yes. Did he have holes in his hands? Yes.

Christ teared filled went to him and said Father. The old man looked into Christ's eyes and asked " Pinochio? "

-- Jean Bouchard (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), July 23, 2002.

For scores more humorous items that touch on religious themes, Isabel, please read this Smile a While thread, and follow the links found there to four other threads.
JFG

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), July 24, 2002.

Thought you guys might find this interesting. It is an archived article/homily? from Homiletic & Pastoral Review I was searching on Philip Neri, thanks to mike's post about him an St. John Vianney, and came across it.

Enjoy! and God Bless

-- (sacerdos@hotpop.com), July 25, 2002.

That was great!!!

-- Kathy (sorry@nomail.com), July 25, 2002.

Thank you gentlemen, for those links. They were great! :)

-- Isabel (isabel1492@yahoo.com), July 25, 2002.

Here's a funny joke...

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted. After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers.

The first one says, "Hello, I am Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."

"I'm very pleased to meet you," replies the nun.

"I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever had. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"

Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

She turned to the other Brother and said, "Then you must be....?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so-I am the chip monk."

-- (MattElFeo@netscape.net), July 26, 2002.

LOL!!!!!! :) Thank you.

-- Isabel (isabel1492@yahoo.com), July 26, 2002.

I was told a story about a lady in the hospital who was near death when an area Chaplain came to visit her. This Chaplain was a very young female with long blond hair. She listened to the lady who was ill and left her a small gift for comfort. It was a tiny ceramic frog.

The next day one of the people from the lady's church came to visit. The lady told her friend about the beautiful young Chaplain who had come to visit her. The friend was so impressed with the way the lady had improved and felt the need to talk to the young Chaplain. In her search to find the young gal, she was repeatedly reassured that the chaplains are never very young and that there was never a gal that fit the description given.

Upon returning to the lady in the hospital, a visiting nurse entered the room and noticed the ceramic frog. The nurse made the comment "I see you have a guardian angel with you" as she held the little frog. We asked why she made the comment and we were informed that the frog stood for: (F) Fully (R) Rely (O) On (G) God

-- Carolyn (fcb@heartland.com), August 28, 2002.