*Stands up at the Grand Table of ATFF*

*Hits champagne glass lightly with a fork*

*Silence takes the crowd*

*Ahem*

Fuck the Anti-Tobacco Ads! I'll do the infecting truth from here on out! Me! MEeeeeeeeeeeEE! After all, this may be the MOST SIGNIFICANT post on ATFF you'll ever read! Not ONLY is this the first Double Digit Useless Fact. Not ONLY is it about Excalibur. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS MY 400th post on this board!

*Deafening cheers from ATFF* *Membership reduced to tears* *Riots break out worldwide* *Thousands of homes erupt into flames*

Well, down to business. It's hard to find a Final Fantasy without an Excalibur sword somewhere in it. It hasn't been an unstoppable wrecking force in a while, but hey, it's always worth picking up and throwing after a while, right? Right. So allow me to set the record straight. King Arthur, sword in stone, yadda yadda, right?

WROOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

Contrary to popular belief, Excalibur was NOT pulled by Arthur from any mere stone. That was merely a sign from God that he was meant to rule England. The story goes: King Arthur had gotten his ass pretty well handed to him by Sir Pellinore, so Merlin decided that the King needed not only a supreme weapon, but also a little life insurance. He took Arthur out to "the lake", to meet "the Lady". The arm coming up from the water was NOT the Lady's. The Lady merely gave Arthur permission to take Excalibur. On the way back to the kingdom, Merlin asked Arthur if he liked Excalibur or it's scabbard (sheath) better. Arthur said he liked the sword better. Merlin informed him that Excalibur was worth only a fraction of it's sheath, since if Arthur took the sheath with him into battle, he would not lose any blood, no matter how badly wounded he was. So guess how Arthur died. M-hmm. Blood loss. Clumsy bastard forgot the sheath. I guess that's what happens when you turn a Celtic legendary sword (caladbolg...yes, that's right) into an English one.

The lesson here is that if you're going to be playing with your sword, be sure to keep a wrapper of some order close by. If no hard leather is nearby, go for latex. That way, no disastrous fluid exchange will happen. Just a messy one. THAT'S THE 400th FUCKING GIST!

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2002

Answers

Cool man.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2002

-laughs- That's gatta suck...

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2002

hehe gotta love these....

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2002

A little tidbit on Cadalbolg, it was a sword of Celitic origin like AO said, considered to be powerful enough to cut a hill in half with a single blow.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 2002