I was in a long term relationship (7 years) and also have a young child (3 years old), she decided that she never loved me no more and told me to leave our house. I am now in another relationship, and I am currently going through court proceedings to have access of my daughter.

My current partner is wonderful and loving, but I don't know why but I am always jealousy of what she does, which ofcourse is causing us problems as well as other stuff

Is this possible to rectify and sort out?

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2002

Answers

Hallo John

I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties right now. You have a loving relationship but find your jealousy hard to control? Also the added worry regarding access to your daughter.

I'm not clear what the 'other stuff' means. Perhaps it would help to explain this a bit more.

Catherine

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2002

Hi John,

Thanks for your email. Being always jealous of your old partner sounds painful and you say that there is other stuff as well.

You ask is it possible to rectify...

I cannot say that we would definitely be able to rectify what is going on for you, but we could discuss these things (your jealousy, your relationships or the other stuff - whatever you feel is important) and try to understand what is behind the way you feel at the moment.

How do you feel about trying?

Mike

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2002

Hello John I am sorry to hear that you are having problems right now and it sounds as if you want help to try to sort them out. It must be difficult not being able to see your daughter especially when you feel that you are in a loving relationship with a wonderful partner. Maybe it would help if you were to write again telling me a bit more about your situation and what you think might help to sort it al out. I shall look forward to hearing from you again all the best Rosemary

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2002

Hello John

This must be a painful time for you. Ending one relationship, going to court over your daughter and coping with the feelings of jealousy with your new partner is a lot to deal with.

I hope I can help you work through these difficult issues. Would it help if you tell me more about your feelings over each of the relationships? Or anything else you feel is important? If you want to try, I would certainly be happy to help you explore your situation and maybe that will help you to clarify some of the issues?

I hope to hear from you soon

Best wishes

Paul

-- Anonymous, September 25, 2002

Hello John,

I was sorry to hear about your current situation. You seem to be trying to cope with quite a lot just now. The break up of a relationship, court proceedings and now difficulties within your new relationship.

You have in fact taken the first step in helping yourself by just asking for help, but I do have to tell you that rectifying or sorting issues out does not happen over night. This can take time and can sometimes be a painful process, and will require effort and commitment on your behalf as well as mine.

You did mention that you are now in a loving relationship. You told me of jealousy, on your part, now causing a few problems. I wonder if you could try and explain a little more to me as to how you see these problems, along with giving me a little more insight about what you call 'other stuff'.

I will, ofcourse, respond to your emails as soon as I am able to, in order that you do not feel too alone in what you are going through just now.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sandy

-- Anonymous, September 26, 2002

Dear John Relationships break-up , court proceedings and establishing a new relationships are not easy. It sounds like you are really hurting and the fact that there is other 'stuff' happening for you-must be confusing, especially as you tell me your new partner is wonderful and loving. I believe telling the story and namimg the pain is a step towards healing. Would you share a little more of your story with me, especaily the other stuff

Tony

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2002

Dear John, I am sorry you are having so many problems just now. It feels as though it's hard to keep up with all that is happening at the moment - effects of the breakup of a previous relationship, court proceedings, and now difficulties in your current relationship.

You mention also that you are feeling jealous in this loving relationship. This is causing problems as well as 'other stuff'. Can you say more about what these are to give me better understanding of what is around for you? I am aware that you are managing these problems on your own just now & you are wondering whether they can be sorted out.

Problems can take some time to straighten out. It would seem important to spend time together in understanding how you see your situation, what you would like to happen and perhaps work through your feelings & choices along the way.

I look forward to hearing from you, Marnie

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2002

Dear John, This is obviously a difficult time for you. I am glad you have the support of a loving relationship while you sort out the practical issues surrounding access to your daughter. When we have been hurt by someone it it is hard to trust anyone else, and for you there seems to be other stuff as well, maybe before we can change things you need to share that other stuff and then see where this jealousy is coming from. Hopefully I can help you understand these issues.

Chris

-- Anonymous, September 29, 2002

Dear John

I am really sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing at the moment.

As I read your email I was struck by the amount of loss you are have had to deal with - the loss of your partner and the home you shared, and also the separation from your daughter. This is a lot to cope with

I am happy to hear that you have a loving partner, and hope that you are getting the support you need. I also wonder about the jealousy and 'other stuff' that you refer to. Is this something you could tell me more about?

In answer to your question, I'm not sure whether this situation is possible to rectify. I do think though that you have made a really important step in that direction. Often understanding how and why you feel the way you do can offer a sense of relief as well as make other choices available to you. Maybe this is something we could explore together.....what do you think?

Debbie

-- Anonymous, September 29, 2002

Hello John Thankyou for getting in touch. I have read your email very carefully and would like, if you wish, to explore with you further your concerns about your current relationship. I am able to offer you the space and time to do this. Hopefully within this space and time we can develop a trusting relationship. You then will be able to work towards identifying ways you can rectify and sort out your problems in a positive way. Vivienne

-- Anonymous, September 29, 2002

Hello John,

Thank you for your email. It sounds as if you are trying to cope with a lot of change in your life right now. It is sometimes overwhelming to tackle a lot of issues all at once and so I am wondering what issue you would like to work on first?

It seems that you are having to deal with the loss of your last relationship; your home and regular access to your Daughter aswell as working at a new relationship whilst having feelings of jealousy. Could you tell me - Were you jealous within youur last relationship?

It would be very useful to me if you could answer the questions I have asked. This will give me some more information with which to start working with you to find a way that you may be able to sort your current situation out.

I very much look forward to hearing from you again.

Kindest Regards,

Jayne

-- Anonymous, October 01, 2002