The End Of Men

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I've always been careful not to be a male-basher, both cuz I don't wish to fulfill someone's stereotype, and because it wouldn't come naturally to me. Having said that, I thought I'd lighten things up a bit by posting an excerpt from the fairly amusing book by Michael Moore, "Stupid White Men."

The Census Bureau confirms that the number of male babies being born has been declining every year in the United States since 1990! Plus, women are living longer and longer; 80 years, on average, versus only 74.2 for men. When I was a kid, the country seemed pretty much 50-50 male-female, with women maybe holding a slight lead. Then the ratio went to 51-49, with women in the majority. Soon it'll be 52-48.

So I have come to one ugly but irrefutable conclusion:

Guys! Nature is trying to kill us off!

Why is Mother Nature doing this? Are we not the carriers of the seed of life? What have we men done to deserve this?

As it turns out, plenty.

In the early years of man, we served a critical and necessary function in the growth of the species. We hunted and gathered the food, protected the women and children from larger animals conspiring to eat them, and helped the number of Homo Sapiens multiply rapidly through a lot of random, unrestricted sex. It's been downhill for us ever since.

In the past few centuries, things seem to have taken a fatal turn for our gender. As is our wont, we commenced to work on a series of projects that stunk everything up and made a mess of our world. Women? They deserve none of the blame. They continued to bring life into this world; we continued to destroy it whenever we could. How many women have come up with the idea of exterminating a whole race of people? None that I've met at the gym. How many women have spilled oil in the oceans, dumped toxins in our food supply, or insisted that the new SUV designs had to be bigger, bigger, BIGGER? Hmmm. Let me see.......

Of the 816 species that have gone extinct since Columbus got lost and landed here (another man who wouldn't ask for directions)---most of which are necessary links in our fragile ecosystem---how many do you think were eradicated by women? Once, again, I think you know the answer.

If you were Nature, how would you respond to such a brutal assault? And what would you do if you noticed that it was one particular gender of humans that was going out of its way destroy you? Well, Mother Nature has a habit of cutting to the chase. She'd defend herself by any means necessary, that's what she'd do. She'd pull out every stop to save her life, to survive at all costs, even if it meant eliminating one half of the very thing that was supposed to keep the most advanced species going.

Yes, Nature had graciously granted our species the highest form of intelligence and entrusted us with her future---but suddenly it looked like one of the genders had decided to throw the kegger of all keggers on Mother Earth's watch. Now, hung over and cranky, Mother is pissed at whoever slipped the mickey in her drink.

The culprit has a receding hairline, a potbelly, and never screws the cap back on anything.

Yup, guys, we've been fingered; there's no way to hide from Nature's wrath. We can't pin any of this on the women;it wasn't a woman who dropped napalm bombs, or who invented plastic, or who said,"Dammit, what we need is a beer can with a pop-top!" Unfortunately, every bit of plunder and pillage, every attack on the environment, everything that has brought horror and destruction to all that was once pure and good has come from hands that, well, when they aren't busy bringing pleasure to oneself, are working overtime to wipe out this beautiful, wonderful home we were given free of charge---no security deposit required, no background check needed.

No wonder Nature is getting rid of us.

If we men had any sense, we'd try to get Nature to forgive us by cleaning up our act. You know, do the obvious stuff; quit desecrating the Arctic Wilderness, pick up after ourselves, stop throwing Whopper wrappers out the car window.

Nature would probably put up with a lot of our guff if we still served some important purpose.

-- Anonymous, September 28, 2002

Answers

Do you think a guy really wrote that? I have my doubts it was a male, generally they don't notice the effects of what they do unless it comes back and slaps them in the face. Good post!

-- Anonymous, September 29, 2002

Oh Yeah, Mike wrote it all right! Visit his website: michaelmoore

-- Anonymous, September 29, 2002

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