Useless Facts #13 : LUSENET : All Things Final Fantasy II : One Thread

Let us prepare to sever all ties with stupidity...

*Deep breath*

Oh AO, grant us the strength to read your marvellous posts, the sight to see the wisdom within, and the will to infect truth throughout the huddled masses. YES, that's right, you lucky people, Asylum *old lady chokes on a salad fork* Outpatient is taking you on yet another Usless Fact Extravaganza!

Knights. They're everywhere in Final Fantasy. Let me guess. I say "knight". You picture a tall guy, shiny horse, long lance, riding into Camelot. *throws up hands* Where the fuck WERE you people during the Dark Ages? Yes, there were castles, but they weren't pretty little Disney palaces. Think about it. Masts? Towers? Bridges? Christendom as a whole was getting its ass smashed quite flat by the Muslims both in and out of Europe at this time.

The first "knights" were just rich guys. Landowners. You get some serfs to work your land for you 20 hours a day, and get richer. You build a castle, and dress up in shiny armor. The serfs live out in a hut on your land somewhere, and if the Moors invade, they get to spend a day or two in your castle. Mr. Knight goes out to fight the baddies.

That's how it was supposed to work. Problem was, all of a sudden, tales of knights killing dragons start trickling down. Every child now wants to be a knight. No problem, Junior. Your training starts when you're 6 years old. You're still shitting on yourself, but we're gonna teach you how to use a sword. 90% of prospective knights were dead before the age of 16.

Let me go out on ANOTHER limb here. Knights = bowing trembling peasants, right? Oh, the peasants bowed, but only to hide their laughing faces. Think about it. 6 year old + 10 years of combat training + 10 years of wandering the countryside = DUH. Knights were dumbasses. Steiner is the most accurate of the whole series. Europe is at war. Taxes go up, hence, you have paperwork for your mighty estate. Who do you think is running the household? The Knight? Most knights couldn't spell their own NAME. So, we had a Chatelaine (lady of the house). The knights wives really kept the class system in Europe intact at this time. GIRL POWER!

The moral of this story is to slap your parents every chance you get. History always gets more distorted the more old people tell it. YOU DON'T OWE THEM ANYTHING! STICK WITH ME KIDS! YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? GOOD! THAT'S THE GIST!

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2002


PS - This "Knight" useless fact is dedicated to MK. My favorite knight.

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2002

Useless antidrug.

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2002

why thankyou AO that dose explain alot ^_^

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2002

As to why you spell "does" like "dose"... ^_^

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2002

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