Stories From Women

Helpless with a partner in denial

the women are never tired or unhappy, and he can screen out the ones with wrinkles

came upon a file that said Personal Information...

I purchased one of those little recorders...

the spector/e-blaster software, It was well worth the purchase....

there are rules about the computer....

i found porn on his computer and actually caught him masterbating one day

other men find me attractive - why doesn't he??

He said he didn't know how to end it

I think this is a kind of sickness that is taking over the world Helpless with a partner in denial...

Well, to make a long story short, I too am a victim to a chatcheater. Who I say is in denial. My boyfriend of 7 years who is the father of our 4 year old son goes bowling at Gamestorm. Where he met his first internet affair. I only discovered this when I went online after him and he got im by a woman whose opening line was good morning my love, i love u. I was crushed. He tried to tell me it was nothing he said he did not know who she is but I know better. We had a really big fight to the point where I asked him to leave. We have since made up and he said they are no longer iming each other. Although he still has other woman iming him and he says they are his friends. They all bowl together and such. He knows all about them and he trys to tell me what they talk about but he does not like it if I am looking over his shoulder cause it makes him feel as if I don't trust him. How is that one? Who do you think is the victim in this situation? I think not him. Unfortunately he feels it is the other way around. He persists on telling me that if I won't accept him having these bowling friends on line that I have no trust in him and it won't work for our relationship. He does not understand that it hurts me that he is talking to these women all the time and that he gets angry at me if I don't get off of the computer when he wants to go on for his tournaments or if he has to talk to one of his friends that he had told he would im them at a certain time. If he misses that time he says I just know how to f.... everything up for him and that I just can't stand to see him happy. I don't get it. I am damn if I do and damn if I don't. He has caused me to believe that if our relationship doesn't last it will be because of me and having no trust in him. I find that so unfair. I would not mind so much if he showed me or let me talk to them too but he insists that they are his friends and I will only make trouble. He hasn't even told them he and I live together for that matter he tells them that he is single. How are you going to act. I am told to dump him, I can find someone better. I am told he is no good, I can find someone who will appreciate me. I just don't know what to think anymore. On the outside I act as though I am a happy camper and that there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. He thinks I accept this, but I really don't. I try to avoid any fights with him so I portray to be a gracious partner and act trusting towards him. My guts don't feel the same way. This is a real bummer and I can relate to you all on this infidelity cyber crap. I just can't go figure anymore. Helpless with a partner in denial!

Back to Top the women are never tired or unhappy, and he can screen out the ones with wrinkles...

My husband of 27 years, is cheating on the net. It has escalated over the last 9 months. He has a web cam and regularly receives photos of women in various states of undress. I recently Intercepted a letter giving him numbers of girls to have sex with in your ( any area near us)area. I am intelligent, no slouch in the bed department, yet he seems hell bent on destroying what he has. I have taken steps to record his infidelity, and he will lose, me the house and the computer which is mine anyway. My husband has admited to cybersex , but says he no longer does it, I think this is bull, as if he is awake he is on the computer. We are supposed to be going into our golden years yet his adddiction to the net is making it the wasted years, full of hurt and anger. I feel I cant have sex with him because he is cheating, and lying, and I never know if it is me who turns him on. Cybersex and relationships is cheating, it takes him away from me, and it is always going to be there and the women are never tired or unhappy, and he can screen out the ones with wrinkles . What chance do real live women have to compete with a world of ever ready women on constant tap. I am setting him up to catch him cheating. Then I am off to find peace of mind. He cheats in on room whilst I am in the next, no sane woman would live with that. We can have soul sex so what on earth can these, temporary seions give him that I don't? Very shortly his compulsion will leave him in a small bedsit, no money, no wife or children and no computer, so no access to the women he now has relationships with.

Back to Top came upon a file that said Personal Information...

I just found out yesterday. I was going through the desk for tax info for 2000, and came upon a file that said "Personal Information". I figured there might be some stuff in there that I would need, and since it was out on the desk, but under a lot of other stuff, I went through it. Yeah, there was e-mail about a Flashnet crash, etc., nothing unusual, until I started reading a Journal entry, that was three pages long. The words "my baby", and "precious",and "on-line lovers" cut like knives. I couldn't believe it. I knew my husband and I were not having the best of times, but after 24 years of marriage, you do hit bumps in the road. He has always been a loving, honorable, honest man, so this broke my heart. At this time, we are doing just fine, and things are very good, but this discovery has left me numb. The signs were there, and I was getting suspicious - late night on the laptop, frantic clicking, etc. you know. The date on the "Journal" was 10-19-99, so it was a while ago, but how long was it going on after that? There are so many things going on inside my head right now, I don't know really what to do.

Back to Top I purchased one of those little recorders...

I never thought in a million years, my husband would even learn how to type. We purchased a computer and imagine I showed him how to use it. After 3 months he was getting real good at typing and I was proud of him. Then he started working nights. All day to himself. I started to wonder what was going on. He had been chatting with a woman in Oklahoma who was going through a divorce with 2 daughters. As time went on he would talk to her more and more. He started to tell me to get out of the room, he needed his space and privacy. He learned how to use voice which was how I caught him. I purchased one of those little recorders and before I would leave for work I would hide it and when I got home I realized that they were more than friends. I got him having cyber with her during the day. I was devastated! I confronted him and of course he denied it. Then I used some quotes that were said during their conversation. He had no choice but to admit it. He said it was not real. I know it is an emotional affair. He told her that I knew and said that they are just friends now. I don't know if that is true. The trust has gone. I went for therapy and am still going. He refuses to go because he still feels he did nothing wrong. We have been married 25 years. It is hard to give up a marriage after that long. I am trying to cope but it is very hard. I still record everyday and haven't heard anything so far but I have a gut feeling it is not over. I was glad to find this page. I now know I am not alone. Thank you John

Back to Top spector/e-blaster software. It was well worth the purchase...

Hi John, I wanted to thank you for starting this sight. I didn't have the money for a decoy or any other surveillance, but I did have the money for E-blaster.(I already posted my story on your site) Yours is the only site that I found that had any info about spector/e-blaster software. It was well worth the purchase. It only took about 3 weeks to catch my boyfriend (also the father of my 11 1/2 year old) in the chat rooms seeking an affair. We were already in couseling because of a previous affair he had had (not internet related). It's amazing how my anxiety level has gone down since I broke it off (only 3 days ago). I thought I was only making it up in my head. Thanks again for the site

Back to Top there are rules about the computer...

this website is wonderful. I wish i new about this 2 yrs ago it would have helped me.My husband had an affair for almost 2 yrs. on this thing ciber sex and a 35 yr. old woman who is young enough to be his daughter.He went on vac. with her for 2 wks. She's from pa.the phone bills were very large over 1000 dollars plus what he spent on her.At that time we were married 42 yrs. he was 60 at the time of his affair.He lied to everyone on this computer.finally it hit me he's always going away without ME. I confronted him and he said YES to having an affair.were working on our marriage now he deleted every thing on his computer.I was leaving him so its been 16 months since i found out about his affair.there are rules about the computer if he doesn't follow them i'm going. He put me through hell and her to. They took 42 yrs. and threw it away and it still hurts.Keep up the site its wonderful.

Back to Top i found porn on his computer and actually caught him masterbating one day

My husband used to cyber and look at porn before we were married but at the time we were good friends and trying to decide what to do (we met online)Well i went up to visit him in January and I didnt know this until i got more computer literate but he was looking at porn after i would go to sleep.At the time i found this i felt that it was too late to get mad about..but i did find emails that he sent to another woman saying tht he didnt want me that he loved her and wanted to be with her forever.We got in a big fight about it and he hasnt talked to her since then and promised me that he wouldnt look at porn anymore. well he moved to live with me in March of the same year and about 6 months later i found porn on his computer and actually caught him masterbating one day...I felt so hurt that i couldnt even say anything to him and would cry whenever i looked at him...We got married in December and now his ex girlfriend is starting to come on the chat lines as different names and playing mind games on him and he STICKS UP FOR HER! I dont know what to do about this....I now know how to check the computer for porn sites and cookies and such but the thought cant quit crossing my mind that he is deleting it...soemtimes he will go into the living room and shut the door while he is on the computer...says that he doesnt want to keep me awake..he has also started having sex with me while i am asleep..i dont know what to do..I love him more than anything in the world and i dont want to lose him.. but this is wearing thin.

Back to Top other men find me attractive - why doesn't he??...

I'm so glad to have found this site - I felt so alone in this. My husband has always been a fan of phone-sex but this addiction to chatting has over taken him. I found where he was writing down phone numbers & traced them back to the e-mail addresses. I wrote him an e-mail telling him I knew what he was doing & that I just couldn't take the deceipt anymore. I told him I'd rather leave him than lie in bed night after night hoping he would once again want me - - not an invisible lover on the internet. . . . . .he was remorsefull & held me & told me how much he loved me. . . .but it went right back to the same routine. He gets home from work 2 hours before I do. My grown children joke about the way he quickly turns off the WebTV unit we have when someone enters the room. They think he just likes to look at porn. It make me feel so inadequate. I take care of myslf - other men find me attractive - why doesn't he?? I guess this is what happens after 25 years of marriage. I'm thinking about counseling but I don't think it's effective with a dishonest person. . he'll deny any wrong doing. . .time will tell.

Back to Top He said he didn't know how to end it

when I first met my husband of now he told me that there was no one else in his life. He was separated from his wife at that time for three years. His divorce just would not go through due to difficult matters. His wife at the time had breast cancer and did later die. The office affair he was having had been going on for 5 years. One of the reasons his wife had left him. He told me he did not love his wife anymore and that there was no other person in his life. i believed this for awhile and later found out that he was having this affair with this person in his office. He is a dentist with a small staff. Through our first 15 months of our relationship he was still seeing this other person as I later found out on my own. Cell phone bills and credit card receipts told me it had never ended. This woman was 28 years younger than him. I finally got him to fire her which was an ordeal. She caused alot of problems. he did still continue to sleep with her and me at the same time. He had in the previous years taken them on a dental meeting to Florida and had taken his wife also. couldn't figure out why his wife had acted so badly? Anyway later in our relationship he took them on another trip to the Bahamas and promised me faithfully that there was nothing going on. When he did get back from the trip I sent him flowers to the office and this woman opened up the card and was furious. why was she furious if there affair had ended like he said? To make a long story short we did get married. I did not find out about the continued affair until now. He lied to his dead wife and to me. The affair continued into our new relationship for at least 15 months and maybe up until the day I made him fire her. We were not yet married. How does a man not tell his first wife of an affair and then meet me and not tell me. He has said that he is sorry and we are seeing a counselor. I am so mad and hurt from the lies and cheating on his part that i don't know what to do. I work for him now in his office. i gave up a 15 year job in banking that I can not go back to. Also there is an old employee that is good friends with this woman he had an affair with and everything we do I am sure this woman knows. i am under a microscope. This woman did just marry some poor sole that I am sure doesn't know the whole story. My husband now can't remember why he still saw her while dating me. I think is is full of it and continued the affair because he wanted too. He said he didn't know how to end it?

Back to Top I think this is a kind of sickness that is taking over the world...

Hello, I thought I would send you my story. It really began after my husband purchased his computer about 4 years ago. To begin with he just used it for business and playing games but gradually I noticed he started spending more and more time on there. I knew he was accesing pornographic sites but there was little I could do to stop him and anyway he had always looked at mens magazines so I decided it was harmless enough. However as time went on more and more came to my attention about the dangers of the internet through press coverage and documenteries on the TV. I started to read things about cybersex and people meeting up through the internet and I started to feel uneasy.

By this time my husband was staying online until 2 and 3 in the morning and whilst I was in bed I could hear him laughing out loud whilst tapping his keys. I confronted him about this but he simply said that he was just chatting with people. He would not let me see what he was doing at anytime. And so whilst he had to work away for a few days I managed to get online at this time I had a very limited knowledge of the internet and just sat there until I worked things out. I managed to access his emails and what I found shocked me to the core he had been having cybersex with all different people which he had stored the liasons with from his instant messenger on a file. The language was so graphic( I am not a prude) and the things they were suposed to be doing to each other sickened me. By this time it was 3 in the morning I had my little girl in bed and no one else to talk to I did not know where to turn. And so out of desparation I contacted the samaritans and spoke to someone there for about an hour. I could not sleep all night.

I rang my husband in the morning and he was furious with me for having accessed his computer without his permission there was no apology. All he said was that it was something he had tried as an experiment he thought it useless and then gave up. He said to me that as it was several months before, it meant nothing to him and if I had not be snooping around we would have had none of this upset, he promised me that he would not do it again.

But it did not end there he continued being on the computer into the early hours and trying to stop me gaining access to it. I then found that he had joined an online dating agency(one of several actually) and that he was arranging to meet people. I confronted him about this and of course he denied it and told me that he set it as a trap to see if I was watching him. He warned me that if he found out that I was checking up on him again he would walk out. Well I am afraid that I did and he found out and has now gone out the door. I am heart broken I have a shattered life to be going on with and a 10 year old daughter. Before the internet he had never been unfaithfull. I think this is a kind of sickness that is taking over the world. If you thing that your partner is doing anything unusual on your computer then check it out because take it from me it never stops at something small it takes a hold of eveyones lives.

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-- Mark Rees (MarkandSue@btclick.net), November 19, 2002