Useless Facts #14

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Some of our younger posters might not want to read this...

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THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SANTA CLAUS! That's right! Your parents have been playing a monstrous joke on you! Bribing you for good behavior! Telling you an evil elf is the ultimate judge of what is right and wrong! Vengeance is your only recourse. You must burn your parents house to the ground while they are asleep in it and run away. You can live with me instead. Look me up by the oceanfront in Arizona. My name is Cleophus Q. Pennywhistle, and I am listed.

Speaking of lies that have been passed down through the generations, today, this Asylum *you may be mighty, but I am high* Outpatient Useless Fact is dedicated to Bahamut. The...FISH...Bahamut. According to Moslem teachings, there exists a great chaotic ocean that the great fish Bahamut swims in. On Bahamut's back, there is a great bull named Kujata (who?), that holds a great Ruby Mountain. Kujata has 4000 body parts, and is so large, it would take a man 500 years to walk from one of it's EYES to the other. Atop the mountain stands an angel, and above him are the six Hells. Earth falls between the 6 hells and the 7 heavens. Allah stands above all this. Below the sea that Bahamut swims in, there is an evil serpent. This serpent is so massive, it could swallow Bahamut, Kujata, the nameless Angel, the mountain and everything else. It would, except for it's fear of Allah.

As far as religious significance, Bahamut doesn't really have any. It is so awestriking that man cannot look on it, and that's about it. I could not find ANYTHING with the Angel or Serpent's names. They may be in the Quran, but it's been awhile since I read that.

I also couldn't find any stories with Bahamut the Dragon God. Some people seem to think that Bahamut was the male counterpart to Tiamat (who?), but my searching turned up null. DON'T FORGET ABOUT YOUR PARENTS, KIDS! SANTA IS WATCHING YOU! THAT'S THE GIST!

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2002

Answers

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no such thing as Santa Claus?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? All this time i've been living a lie! I don't believe it! I WON'T believe it!

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2002

AO if i was a girl i would say...

"You sick Bastard, if you said that to kids thay will look at it and believe that santa doesn't really exist and i hope you burn in hell"

Here's my answer to your post as a guy.

Wow AO you haven't writin a useless fact for a while or said "That's The Gist" for a while and that funny and cruel about the Santa thing lol lol. I bet some kids saw this and is crying or having a nervus break down right now or going to find a way to "seek and destroy" you.(^_^)

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2002


You're a sexist pig, AB...in any case, Bahumut was a fish? What the fuck?

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2002

Okey Im sorry to any female that was hurt reading my answer and hope there are no hard feelings

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2002

I dont think any 'female' here really cares.. just goes to show you that you'd be a "loving and caring but pretty damn rude" kind of girl..

er..sorry about that..

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2002



What? Nonsense! Santa DOES indeed exist! AO, you've argued with him for COUNTLESS hours about FFX, need I remind you? He's probably somewhere in Colorado getting ready for Final Exams, Warding off evil RA's, and Shooting random Elves....

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2002

IM AM NOT A GIRL TheoFaerie! I never really like the "loving and caring" part because it does not work in the real world like schools and other places like the streets.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2002

since they can see your face there.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2002

I never said you were.. if you actually read my post i said "you would be" not "you are"... am i right?

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2002

Penis.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2002


I wouldn't exactly call that an argument. It was more like:

AO shows up to ATFF, saying "I don't like FF10".

Fat Elf says "I don't like AO".

AO gives many reasons why he doesn't like 10.

Stupid Elf gives 0.5 reasons why he doesn't like AO (you badmouthed an ATFF game).

AO retorts by saying that people have been badmouthing 8, 9, and others, but I get attacked.

Ugly Elf retorts by leaving.

Smart move.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2002


I love the fact that you called Santa an evil elf and reduced the muslim religion to a fish tale. ROCK ON AO!

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2002

*Does an interpretive dance representing the long-overdue return of one of his favorite posters*

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2002

ahhh....those good old useless facts that some of us already know...

p.s santa offical killer of elves lives!!

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2002


All moslem's should Burn in hell

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2002


YEAH! MOSLEMS ARE THE DEVIL! Now...Muslims, those guys are alright. Allah knows I'd rather be jyhading.

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2002

i like cheese

-- Anonymous, December 08, 2002

You guys already know my Useless Facts? Maybe I'll have to go more obscure. "Red Wings" are what you earn when you perform oral sex on a woman while she is on her period. Or...so I've heard. That's the meat and potatoes!

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2002

Moslems, muslims, over here they're called MOSLIMS. And they're not alright, THEY MUST DIE. 4 week's ago 2 MUSLIMS, killed a 18 year old kid, cuz He said "hey, pay attention to the road" when the MUSLIMS almost killed a pedestrian with a scooter. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE MUSLIM PARENTS SAID?!?!?

Ghaliet is a sweet boy, but what he's done was ALLAHS WILL.

FUCK THEM

-- Anonymous, December 09, 2002


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