Hello, I am a divorced Catholic male. My first wife and I were married in a Catholic and stayed together for 16 years and having three beautiful daughters.I have had three marriages since she died in 1992. I am now married to a Lady that belongs to The Assembly of God Church and she wishes to stay in her relgion but as a courtesy to me she attends the Catholic sevices whenever we go to Church.I am now disabled and mostly bed-ridden because of a broken back. I have had six operations and am still in constant terrible pain. I would like a Catholic preist to come to my house and hear my confesssion and let me receive Holy Communion.My beloved wife that I am married to presently is very devoted to me and has been with me throughout my ordeals which began in 1998.The pastor of my parish told me that I cannot receive the Sacrements. He said becase of both of our multiple divorces I will have to get a History of all of her marriages and turn it in to the Catholic Church. As I said beforeshe des not want the Catholic prying into her personal life because she will not change her church or religion. I thought that since my first wife that I married in a Catholic Church dies in 1992 that I am released from my exclusion from the Sacrements. My parish preist told me that I cannot even go to confession and get my sins forgiven. I am very ill right now an am facing a major surgery in a couple weeks and as in all surgeries I am not guaranteed to awaken. I am very troubled by my not being permitted to receive the sacrements of confession and Holy Communion.May I please have an answer since I do not believe my parish preist is correct. I find it hard to have a preist that is not married or not having been married tell me this. I was baptized a Catholic and went to Catholic churches all my life even being an Altar Boy.Can you explain to me why The Catholic Church will not permit me to receive these sacrements. I aam fifty years old and raised my daughters alone with one of them graduating and the other two having great jobs for a major Appliance Corp.Thank you very much and Merry Christmas.

-- Horace J.Lambert Jr. (Rovah18@aol.com), December 13, 2002

Answers

Response to Receiving sacrements of Penance and Holy Communion after divorcing my Catholic wife but she has dies in 1992

Dear Horace, Your situation sounds rather complicated, and there are many relevant questions you have not given information about (not that I would expect you to do so on a forum like this). All that can be said from the information that you provided is that (1) your current sacramental situation has nothing to do with your first marriage or the death of your first wife; and (2) the problems are due to the multiple marriages of both you and your current wife. The Church has the responsibility to make sure that there is no impediment to a valid marriage before recognizing such marriage as valid. A pre- existing valid marriage, with a spouse still alive, would be such an impediment. Therefore the Church would have to know the circumstances of each previous marriage - both how it occurred and how it ended - before it could recognize your current marriage. Also, you did not give details ragarding the nature of your current marriage. If marriage is a sacrament of the Church, then the Church has full responsibility for its regulation and administration. There are certainly some aspects of the marital relationship where a married couple might have a deeper understanding than a priest. However, the Church knows far more about the theology and administration of marriage than most of us do - thank God.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), December 13, 2002.

Response to Receiving sacrements of Penance and Holy Communion after divorcing my Catholic wife but she has dies in 1992

I am in a situation like yours. I was married in the catholic church in 1976. I attended catholic church every mass. In 1984 I joined the catholic church. My husband was also a catholic. I divorced my husband in 1997. I have since married a man that is not a catholic. I want to be able to receive the sacrements of the church , also. My husband is good, and gentle man and he has no problem with my religion. I would like to know where I need to start so that I may receive the sacrements of the church.

-- phyllis dianne gaddy (jnpgaddy@dalton.net), December 15, 2002.

Response to Receiving sacrements of Penance and Holy Communion after divorcing my Catholic wife but she has dies in 1992

Jmj

Hello, Horace.

Paul has given you some good, factual information. I don't disagree with it at all, but I would like to add something that may be helpful to you, though it will not be easy to read and reflect on. I can tell that you are struggling, because, while there are several very important things and people in your life, you know that the most important thing of all is to get right with God.

I'm sorry to read that you have had to suffer so much. You stated: "I am now disabled and mostly bed-ridden because of a broken back. I have had six operations and am still in constant terrible pain."

I certainly am not going to ask you, Horace, to say here in public whether or not your physical problems are a barrier to your having a sexual relationship with the woman you love. However, just for the purpose of giving you further information, I am first going to assume that you are living "as brother and sister" with her, because of your problems.

If this assumption is correct, then the Catholic Church would allow you to receive the sacraments that you need to receive as soon as possible -- Anointing of the Sick [formerly called Extreme Unction], Confession/Penanace/Reconciliation, and Holy Eucharist.

However, if my assumption is wrong, and you do still have a sexual relationship, then you have several choices, any of which would leave you free to receive the sacraments immediately:

(1) Try to come to an agreement, with the woman you love, to live a celibate life permanently, while you would respect her preference not to seek Declarations of Nullity.

(2) Persuade her to live a celibate life with you until the Church has a chance to rule on the validity of the five (? or more?) previous "marriages" in your lives. Assure her of the fact that only the tribunal judges will be aware of the divulged information concerning her past. Let her know that her cooperation will be her act of love for you, because, without it, the health of your soul is in danger.

(3) Make the tough choice to separate yourself from her permanently, if she will not agree to #1 or #2.

God bless you.
John

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), December 15, 2002.

Response to Receiving sacrements of Penance and Holy Communion after divorcing my Catholic wife but she has dies in 1992

Hello, Phyllis.

You asked this question: "I would like to know where I need to start so that I may receive the sacraments of the church."

There is a very easy answer to this question about "starting." You should simply make an appointment to meet with a priest at your nearest Catholic church rectory to discuss the facts of your case. Almost every priest knows how to help people in your situation to proceed. The Church will determine whether or not your first marriage is valid or was not valid. This in turn will determine whether or not you can return to the sacraments.

God bless you.
John

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), December 15, 2002.