ONLY IN AMERICA

-- Anonymous, January 07, 2003

Answers

You DO know how to do a hotlink!

Those are very funny, especially the auto AC sign.

-- Anonymous, January 07, 2003

LOL

After the ice storm in NC I must have received the frozen hell sign 50 times in email!

-- Anonymous, January 07, 2003

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB

-- Anonymous, January 07, 2003

Good advice

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section ... buy a dog.

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you ... buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it ... buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ... buy a dog.

If you want someone to scare away burglars, without a lethal weapon which terrifies you and endangers the lives of your family and all the neighbors ... Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you and watch a romantic movie ... buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores ... buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ...buy a dog.

But on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness, Then my friend...

Buy a cat. (Any resemblance to a man is purely coincidental)

-- Anonymous, January 07, 2003