Marrying a Divorced Anglican......

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Hi everyone. I recently got engaged. We would like to get married in the Catholic Church, but i am anticipitating negative responses here as my girlfriend is divorced and anglican. Where does the catholic church stand on this issue...thanks in advance for your time. W.C.

-- Wiley Coyote (onewiley3@hotmail.com), January 29, 2003

Answers

It might save time if you'd tell us what *you* think the Catholic Church stands on this issue. :-)

-- Christine L :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), January 29, 2003.

If you are a regular attending, registered member of a parish, your pastor should be able to offer advice on this...Why do you expect negativity? Pax Christi.

-- Anna<>< (FloweroftheHour@hotmail.com), January 29, 2003.

Thanks for the useless answer Christine....i already mentioned that i expect negative responses....also if i knew for certain where the church stood, i would not have had to ask.... Anna, I will be talking to my pastor. I do attend church, but not regularly I know that the Catholic Church frowns on this type of arrangement (marrying divorced woman), but i also know that divorcing, annullments, and so on are more than confusing issues. They are complicated. My purpose here was to try and see if some of this confusion can be clarified prior to speaking to my pastor. For example, if the answer is a flat-out "no, the catholic church will not under any circumstances marry a divorced anglican", then there is no point in me pursuing the matter further. I know that the people here on this forum will know more about this issue than me, as i have never had reason to deal with it before. The situation has never arisen in our family. If i can gather some more information, i will indeed talk to my pastor. Thanks for the help.

-- Wiley Coyote (onewiley3@hotmail.com), January 29, 2003.

Wiley, don't care about Christine's answer. As you said, that answer is useless for you. I cannot give you here a valid answer because you don't give enough facts to judge your case. But go to the local pastor he can tell you what you need. And don't worry - no pastor can decide on his own, he must follow the church law, if he likes you or not.

-- (marios85ten@hotmail.com), January 29, 2003.

If I sounded peeved, Mario, it's because of what we were discussing in another thread - the fact that so many people who come here asking about annulments will then go on to reveal either that they're not Catholics at all, or that they are Catholics but don't go to Mass regularly (like Wiley here) ... which makes us wonder, why so much concern about what the Church teaches on *this* particular subject, but not on others.

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), January 29, 2003.


THIS is my point!!!! This person asked a question, hoping against a negative response and certainly got more than one didn't he???? WHY is that necessary??? WHO CARES if he hasn't been going to church on a regular basis in the past..do you think your responses will encourage him to do so????????????? Good grief people..it's as if you couldn't wait to jump on the first person who dared to post an anullment question and didn't appear to have "bona fides" along with it..how about an answer such as: "It's so nice to have you ask. Sounds as if you may have been away from the church and now want to "come home". We know it's hard to seek out a priest and talk to him, since you may not hear what you want to hear, but that's the best thing to do, since there are so many variables to a case such as yours, it's impossible to give a black and white answer here on the forum. Here's a link for you to try..it has many answers you might find of interest..blah blah blah..."...Now why would that be so hard to do? Wiley, I sure wish I knew the address to a tribunal for you, but I do not. Try looking in the previous posts under your subject. I know where you are coming from...if the church meant nothing to you, you wouldn't have asked. I will pray for you that you will "be one"with the church in the fullest meaning of the words.God bless you.

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), January 29, 2003.

A very good point Lesley. This forum smells with answers like Christine's. I wish I could tell all those people what they need to know but I never want to ask personal questions on this forum, partly also because of the smell. The person in question will then get tens of answers smelling with the righteousness of others.

-- (marios85ten@hotmail.com), January 30, 2003.

Sorry.

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), January 30, 2003.

Thank you people....although you may not know it, you have indded clarified some points for me....your responses are helpful....first of all, i thank you for not being judgemental toward a person you do not know...don't apologize christine...just try to contribute...where i believe the catholic church stands on this may or may not be correct...that's why i came here to ask....it's obvious that i have not provided enough information first of all..i'll try to provide more....i grew up in a very catholic family and regularly attended mass for the first 20 years....i have a strong belief in god, but have not attended church as regularly as i should in the past 15 years....this has not lessened my belief...i will use the lame excuse that i have been too busy...i have never been married....but the woman i would like to marry is a non-practicing anglican....she was in a marriage for 2 years, and then was divorced....so i want to find out if the catholic church will marry us...the fact that i believe in the catholic faith or went to church should not have any effect on the interpretation of the law...however, for those who want to know, i would like to raise my children in the catholic faith...take them to church...i cannot do this if the catholic church chooses not to accept a divorced anglican as my wife...plain and simple...she did not choose to be anglican as i did not choose to be catholic...we were born that way...and whatever catholic church law says, i do not believe that god judges her inferior because she was born into a different faith.

-- Wiley (onewiley3@hotmail.com), January 30, 2003.

Dear Wiley..."inferior"..no way. The church does not hold, ever, that any person is "inferior", so you can dismiss that word entirely. Here's the deal: In order for you to marry ANY divorced person of ANY faith, including your own in the Catholic church, the church must first investigate that divorced persons' first marriage to determine if it was a valid marriage to begin with. It doesn't matter what happened TO the marriage, only the circumstances OF the marriage itself. An annullment is granted, and a Catholic marriage permitted to take place, only after the church tribunal decides that the person's first marriage was not a valid one. I'll give you an example, because I had my first marriage annulled in 1973..My husband informed me 3 months after our marriage that he "never intended" to have children..he knew that "BEFORE" he married me, but didn't tell me.We divorced. When this information was submitted to the tribunal, and he admitted it freely, the marriage was annulled, because he never entered into a REAL marriage as far as the church was concerned. Now, if we had divorced and the reasons I asked for an anullment were that we didn't get along, or that he had turned to adultery AFTER we were married, etc. etc..that would have nothing to do with the fact that our marriage had been valid in the beginning. This is why we are telling you that each case is so different, that it is essential that you proceed with talking to a priest, and begin filling out the paperwork that you need to have done. It takes time for this to be accomplished. Mine was less than 5 months because it was kind of a slam dunk thing, and my ex-husband was 100% cooperative..also, the Tribunal wasn't busy with tons of similar requests in those days..they are now. Some cases are obviously going to be approved..some will obviously not be approved, and MANY fall into gray areas which the Tribunals take a lot of time with. So, the question is not "does the church approve of my future wife?" the question is "do YOU take the time to pursue church teachings" so that you know where your choices are?

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), January 30, 2003.


Thank you very much Lesley....now we're getting somewhere...but form what you say it appears that in order for her to have her marriage annulled, she would need cooperation from her ex-husband...is that correct....because she would expect him NOT to cooperate in any way at all.

-- Wiley (onewiley3@hotmail.com), January 31, 2003.

The church, in her wisdom, recognizes that not all people will be honest and truthful in these matters..all parties are asked to respond to inquiries..other people who by reason of their knowledge of facts, are also asked to witness to the tribunal..just because someone doesn't choose to respond, doesn't mean the matter is closed..it usually means it takes longer though..TRUST that the Church will follow through..you will experience this for the first time...a church tribunal, unfortunately, has heard it ALL. Many people try to second guess what a Tribunal will say..I don't blame them, or you..it's more of a comfort to have an idea of where the decision is more likely to fall...once again, a priest would be the MOST familiar with all of those parameters...when you speak with your pastor, if he is not, perhaps he would be happy to refer you to a priest who is...you'll never know until you make that first step, eh? God bless.

-- lesley (martchas@hotmail.com), January 31, 2003.

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