Hi there, I am going to be married in the next few months and we are having a hard time time. I am Catholic and she is not, she has also been devirced and has 3 children. We are having a had time trying to get married in the Catholic Church. If we do get married and not in the Church why will I be pretty much not aload to go back to the Church I don't understand why. and if I do go to Church after the marrige and receive communion and go to confessions, does this not really mean anything in the eyes of GOD? Please help me with my sistuation. Also she is having a hard time with the idea of having her past marriage anuld, ddoes not like the fact the church has to contact her ex husband as well as other issues with the process. Thanks for your time.

-- Jeff Steinbach (jastinb3@attbi.com), February 05, 2003

Answers

Jeff, the Catholic Church follows the teachings of Jesus Christ, who said that divorce was never permitted. It may seem hard, but then so many of His teachings were. Pray for the grace to be patient - if it's possible for her previous marriage to be annulled, give thanks to God and think of all the other people in your situation who don't have that as a possibility. :-)

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 05, 2003.

Jeff, If you marry outside the Church, you are still allowed to "go to Church," but you are not free to receive the Sacraments, as you will have freely chosen to go against the Church's teachings regarding the holy sacrament of Matrimony. That would be sad, indeed. If you have already set a date for five months from now, I truly doubt that you will have time to obtain an annulment and then attend the necessary marriage preparation classes! However, I would strongly adivse you both to go through the proper channels which the Church provides. Marriages after divorce are at higher risk of second divorce. If not for yourselves, then for the sake of the children, take this more slowly. The Church will provide you with classes which explain a lot about how to avoid conflicts which often destroy marriages. Your marriage will be stronger from the classes you received, plus it will have supernatural strength, from the graces of the Sacrament of Matrimony. Do pray, and I will, too! Pax Christi. (Peace of Christ)

-- Anna <>< (FloweroftheHour@hotmail.com), February 05, 2003.

I am in a very similar situation to you. I was divorced over 3 years ago and I am now back in a serious relationship and once again considering marriage. I have not tried to get my marriage anuld and I am really questioning weather I even want to get married in the Catholic church. I was married at a young age and had no children. Our divorce came completely not by my choice. I think that we both were good people, but now I realize that we were just not right for each other and will definitely be better off in our new lives. As for now, there is no doubt in my mind that in the eyes of God I am no longer married.

However, in the eyes of the church I still am. I have checked into the process of anulment and found it to more of a political process than a process to prevent it from happening again. I was even told by several people that large donations often speed up the process. It is very frustrating that I would be welcome with open arms by several other Christian churches in my community, but it in my own chruch I feel like I am not welcome to continue on with my life.

I just find it very irronic that in a church where I have been taught so many times the value of forgiveness, it comes down to a trail of paper work that takes 10 months. Pardon me, but I can never see Jesus waiting that long to grant someone forgiveness for their mistakes and taking that long to allowing them to go on with their life.

Your choice is yours, but I know that now matter what I decide I believe that in the eyes of God it will be the right choice for me.

-- Travis Frankowiak (TFranks@hotmail.com), February 07, 2003.

Dear Travis,

Annulment has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness is available instantaneously and at no cost, through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. An invalid marriage is not something that needs to be forgiven; it is something that needs to be identified. That is the purpose of the annulment proceedings. It is an involved process, carried out for your benefit, and involving considerable work on the part of several parties. Naturally it involves some expense, just as any official determination does. "Donations" have nothing to do with it.

The fact that other Christian churches in your community are not as fully in touch with the will of God and the objective truth, and take a "come as you are" attitude toward spiritual matters, is a good reason to hold fast to the one true Church God has provided to the human race - assuming that the will of God and the truth are of importance to you. Your own Church not only wants you to be able to continue on with your life, but also wants to provide you with the means of doing so within the plan of God - something other churches cannot provide for you, and are unconcerned with.

You say you have no doubt that you are "no longer married". That is incorrect. There is no such thing as "no longer married", if the marriage was valid and both parties are still alive. But there is such a thing as "never was validly married", and for the sake of peace in your future life, as well as your eternal salvation, you would do well to use all available means to seek the objective truth in making that determination. For it will not be the right choice in God's eyes if it violates his previously revealed will.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), February 07, 2003.

No, they don't want donations they asked us for an out right fee of $800. Now if they don't grant it do we get our money back ?? Debbie

-- Debbie Stith (RMMastiffs@aol.com), February 08, 2003.

Dear Debbie,

The required fees do not constitute the purchase of an annulment. They are to cover the considerable costs of the necessary investigation needed to establish the facts. Once the investigation has been completed and the facts relative to your case have been established, the tribunal has done what you asked them to do. So why would the fees be refunded?

If you hire a surveyor to survey a piece of land, hoping that the results of the survey will prove that you are the rightful owner, but the survey proves the opposite, would you expect the surveyor to refund your money for the survey he conducted at your request?

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), February 08, 2003.

okay, but now that we have only paid $120 of the $800 are we obgligated to pay the rest....they haven't followed all the way through..they are quiting 1/2 way, so do we?

-- Debbie Stith (RMMastiffs@aol.com), February 09, 2003.

Did you think you could buy a positive decision? You take our church for what, exactly? I would let you pay twice that so you'd learn more respect!

-- (Dana98@rb.com), February 09, 2003.

Dear Debbie,

I can't speak for the financial arrangements. You will have to take that up with the diocesan office. However, if they have rendered a final decision, in what sense did they "quit half way" or "not follow through"?

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), February 09, 2003.

well, our priest is telling us to let her file in Florida as they are faster and they have a "better success rate" I thought all the church was one. Why should you have to go through other diocecess for sucess that is so wrong. I am following the rules of the churchs but they should be the swame in Florida, Georgia, OR South Carolin

-- Debbie Stith (RMMastiffs@aol.com), February 09, 2003.

Dear Debbie,

Yes, you are so very right! The teaching of the Church is uniform and constant everywhere, and should be applied uniformly everywhere. However, bishops are human and are not all identical, and the fact is, some of them are more liberal than others, and some of them are more orthodox than others, and things are frequently not the same from one diocese to another - not just relative to marital matters, but relative to many important areas of concern.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), February 09, 2003.

This is not a question but more of a statement. I am a Catholic who is engaged to my very best friend who is also a Catholic. He made a mistake and married the wrong person so he is going through a divorce right now which is stressful enough to him. To find out that the Catholic church has the NERVE to say you need to be annuled makes me soo mad. Why isnt a divorce recognized by the Catholic Church? Why does it have to be soo hard to make a bond with the right person in the house of God? The Catholic church has gotten such bad publicity lately with all the talk on misbehavoir to little boys that I should be boycotting the Catholic church but I decided I wouldnt judge all for the few that are damaged! If God were here on earth he wouldnt care either way as long as you were happy. That is why I am being pushed in the direction of other ways to find God, he obviously isnt in the Catholic church or he wouldnt put restrictions on what people need to do to become one! This subject enrages me and more and more I see people out there marrying for the 2nd and 3rd time - get with the program!!!!

-- Desiree Ferina (dizdezi@yahoo.com), February 11, 2003.

Dear Desiree,

A divorce is not recognized by the Catholic Church because a divorce is not recognized by God, and the Catholic Church teaches what God has commanded it to teach. So, requiring an annulment is not a matter of "nerve", but of obediance to divine command. If the Church freely allowed people to marry who are already married to someone else, it would not be fulfilling its obligations either to God or to us, and would be leading us to spiritual ruin. It is not hard to make a bond with the right person in the house of God - unless you have already freely made a bond with someone else. Boycotting the truth because some other people acted contrary to the truth doesn't sound like a very good idea to me. If I boycotted the Church of God because some of its members sinned, well maybe those members would boycot the Church because of my sins - or yours - and then where would we be? Actually, God WAS here on earth, and while He was here He taught us how to be happy - by obedience to His teachings - which we receive through His Church. There is no other way to find God than through the Church. That is where He reveals Himself. I wish you both well - and happiness - in the truth.

-- Paul (PaulCyp@cox.net), February 12, 2003.

Desiree, are you happy now? You know Paul is a great preacher on this forum and he wishes you happiness in truth. You got it? So be happy now.

-- Walter Curtain (WalterCur@cd.rom), February 12, 2003.