It occurred to me that a lot of us are probably on edge today, reading the news and wondering what's going to happen next. Thought it might cheer you up to tell you about a conversation I just had with my Mom.

She said that during the Cuban Missile Crisis, they were telling everyone to go out and stock up on emergency supplies, just like they're doing now. So she bought all sorts of canned foods, filled bottles & bottles of water, etc. Only - the Crisis never happened, so we wound up eating canned tuna and soup for the next six months!

Be not afraid - something bad *may* happen (God alone knows the future); but then again, you may just wind up with a year's supply duct tape! ;-)

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 12, 2003

Answers

If IT happens we are going to eat the very dust we're going to stir up! In long years to come...

-- Charly (Charly7moe@aol.com), February 12, 2003.

Mmmm, dust ... ;-)

-- Homer Simpson (homersimpson@foxtv.com), February 12, 2003.

That's what the people in New York said, Homer!?

-- Helene Fortunato (HeleneFort@hotmail.com), February 12, 2003.

Incidentally, if you had a feeling that baggies & duct tape wouldn't be enough to shield you from a chemical / biological attack, you were right.

-- jake (jake1@pngusa.net), February 12, 2003.

Stocking up? You must be kidding! The war will be over in a week or so and we'll be free from terrorism for ever! Well, Dubya says...

-- Viviana Mayer (VivianaMayer@aol.com), February 12, 2003.

Well, you'll just have to forgive me for being an optimist, but I've read the Bible, and it DOES have a happy ending.

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 12, 2003.

A lot of us may have to leave before the show is over!

-- Ed Richards (loztra@yahoo.com), February 12, 2003.

Not me, Ed, I always like to hang around and watch the credits roll! ;-)

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 12, 2003.

I don't live far from NYC..and my husband works in the city. He said it is very eerie to watch the NYC cops walking around with their gas masks...scary stuff.

I TRULY APPRECIATE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR TODAY! Thank you so much for the laughter in these very distressing times.

Christine, I do hope your mom is right. I'm not so sure. This is a little different, I am afraid of the retaliation - there are loads of sleeper cells in this country patiently waiting. ml

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), February 12, 2003.

MaryLu, hang in there! I'm scared too, but my response to fear is always to make more, louder and worse jokes as the fear level goes up - so you might want to brace yourself for some bad puns in the days ahead! ;-)

God bless your husband - I'm praying for his CONTINUED safety - yours too! (and heck, mine too - as long as we're at it, nyuk nyuk!)

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 12, 2003.

You are a doll, Christine...thanks for keeping up everyone's spirits during this time...heck, keep 'em coming - funny, silly, stupid, who cares...we need to laugh in additon to praying....

ml

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), February 12, 2003.

Well, I could tell you how right now it's raining cats & dogs here in L.A., and I know 'cause I just went outside & stepped in a poodle ...

but that would be TOO silly, huh? ;-)

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 12, 2003.

Christine that's funny. Yeh, like I was thinking, just how long would it take you to wrap a house in plactic and duct tape!!! they gotta be kidding!

-- Theresa Huether (rodntee4Jesus@aol.com), February 12, 2003.

Hi Theresa and Christine,

Christine, I was telling Theresa yesterdy that my son is moving to CA next month. I am heartbroken that he is going so far away. I cannot stand to think about it because I don't think he will come home again.

He is moving to Manhattan Beach, CA which I understand is south of LA. Are you guys familiar with that area?

ml

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), February 12, 2003.

Hey, Christine, Keep 'em coming! (As long as they're funny!) When we allow fear to paralyze us, the terrorists have won. Pax Christi.

-- Anna<>< (Flower@youknow.com), February 12, 2003.

Does living in a third world country spare us from all these fears and evils?

Enrique

-- Enrique Ortiz (eaortiz@yahoo.com), February 13, 2003.

I know where Manhattan Beach is, though it's not in the same area where I live and work. The best thing about it is that it IS near the beach (more or less). Most people in L.A. don't get to the beach much because it's so very, very hard to find a parking space! :-)

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 13, 2003.

(P.S. - HELPFUL HINT: The absolute best day to go to places like the beach, Disneyland, etc., is when it's pouring down rain, like today. Seriously! That's why on the news, you see all those people standing at the edge of cliffs in Malibu, looking for tidal waves. We're not crazy, it's just the closest we've been able to get to the ocean in years!)

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 13, 2003.

Christine, I have no problem getting to the ocean. It's just 7 miles from here. Well, just one problem. It's the other ocean!.

-- Ed Richards (loztra@yahoo.com), February 13, 2003.

LOL - - yeah, Ed, THAT's what's wrong with you - you're livin' by the "wrong" ocean! Shame on you! (hee hee!) ;-)

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 13, 2003.

Hi Christine,

My son said he will be living in a house right on the beach...don't know if that is good or bad..my mom's heart is full of worry. I pray every day that God go with Him.

On the other hand, I hate to turn this fun-filled thread with seriousness because I am truly enjoying this respite from all the serious threads we usually deal with. However, please pray very hard about the current situation we are in.

It really is serious and anxiety producing. My whole family works in NYC - my husband, my nephews, my niece...and the atmphosmere there is not good at all. Everyone is so tense and anxious and some, even paranoid.

That is one of the reasons I am concerned about my son going so far away during such an uneasy climate in our country. We are not living in a friendly world.

Let us all pray for peace, for a miracle of some kind. I have never lived through such awful times as these. Only God can stop what is going on now.

Sorry for interrupting the chain of laughter.... Some good jokes, anybody?

ml

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), February 13, 2003.

hi MaryLu, i'm still laughin' about the one on the other thread by Ed about the cat who goes to Heaven and complains about the hardwood floors he's had to sleep on...just the thought of it!

I live in Nor. California, near San Francisco, close to that other ocean up here, so i wouldn't be able to contact your son, and I sure would if I knew he'd be near by. I'll keep you and him in my prayers. He is in God's hands, and our Lady's no matter what. All the more as you have to surrender him. I'm preachin' to myself too as both my sons'll probably move out in the next few months.

There was this guy who gets to Heaven and meets St. Peter, who says to him, "And what have you done that merits Heaven?" And the guy says,"Well, I rescued this young lady from a mean biker who was harassing her". And St. Peter says "oh yea? what happened?" "I hit him in the stomach, messed up his hair, pulled his nose ring out and threw it on the ground, and told him if he didn't leave her alone he'd have to deal with me". St. Peter said, "wow, when did this happen?" "Five minutes ago.."

-- Theresa Huether (Rodntee4Jesus@aol.com), February 13, 2003.

MaryLu, it sounds like your son is going to be livin' the good life out here! Seriously, don't be worried - he's going to live in one of those houses by the beach? That's great!! He's going to have a wonderful time, especially when the warm weather gets here.

I know you'll miss him, but maybe you can come out and visit him - and feel free to visit me too! I'll show you all the wonderful sights in the San Fernando Valley! ;-)

-- Christine L. :-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 14, 2003.

Someone just emailed this to me, so I thought I would pass along the nyuck, nyucks...

Why we love children

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

-- Anna <>< (FloweroftheHour@youknow.com), February 14, 2003.

Mary Lu, I have a young single daughter who lives in the DC district. It's a difficult world we live in, and these are difficult times. When those two snipers were shooting people in the area, one of the shootings occurred just five minutes from her. My best advice was, "remain always in a state of grace, and always wear your scapular!" If I cannot have my arms around my baby, at least Our Lady will have her arms around her! Send your son a scapular, and tell him to wear it always, as a sign of his love for you, and Mary, his "other" Mother! Love you! Pax Christi...

-- Anna <>< (FloweroftheHour@youknow.com), February 14, 2003.

There was an athiest kindergarten teacher who had a room full of children wanting to please her. As she asked them questions, she made known to the little children that she did not approve of anyone who believed in God. So, in her classroom full of little Christians, she asked the class, "Who doesn't believe in God?" All the young students, wanting to get their teacher's approval, raised their hands high so the teacher could see them agreeing with her. There was one little girl who did not raise her hand with the others. The teacher, wanting to ridicule her in front of the whole class said, "I am an atheist, and do not believe in God", and then added, "Who does believe in God?" The little girl raised her hand. The teacher asked her, "Why do you believe in God?" The little girl thought about it and said, "Because I'm Catholic". "Why are you Catholic?" "Because my parents are Catholic", the little girl answered. The teacher, now very angry and not wanting to let this determined little girl win in front of the class, replied back haughtily, "Well what if both of your parents were morons, then what would that make you?" The little girl answered, "An atheist".

-- Anna <>< (Flower@youknow.com), February 14, 2003.

Hi Everyone,

Love the joke, Theresa.. :) Where is the joke about the cat?

I love San Francisco...just love it. I come from NY and love to walk. I loved walking up and down all those hills..loved Nappa Valley and Carmel...and Monteray...Oh, how I love California - that is why I am afraid my son is there to stay! :)

Thank you all for your concern.

Dear, sweet, Anna, I have already asked Our Lady to be his mother and prayed to Our Lord Jesus to watch over him...prayed to all the saints...I have no doubt he will be protected....I am not going to tell you how old he is..'cause you will laugh at me...I am acting like he is only 17...actually, he is in his very early 20's...but he is my 'baby.'

Thanks again for the laughter - boy we need more of that, huh...I found some good catholic jokes today and will post them later.

BTW, Happy Valentines Day to all of you! Enjoy..

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), February 14, 2003.

Anna,

Your wish is my command! :)Posted this on another thread..

Newhart jokes about growing up Catholic

WASHINGTON (AP) - Comedian Bob Newhart shared a secret with graduates of The Catholic University of America on Saturday: Go to confession during Notre Dame football games.

''Growing up in Chicago, the best time to go to confession was during the Notre Dame-SMU game,'' Newhart said in a commencement speech. ''You could tell that priest anything - 'I just killed my family' ... 'Well don't do it again, my son' - and you could hear the game on in the background.''

Newhart, who starred in several prime-time television shows over the years, was raised Roman Catholic. His son Timothy graduated in 1989 from Washington's Catholic University with a degree in English literature.

The comedian said the hardest part of being Catholic was learning the 10 Commandments. He poked fun at the first one: ''Thou shalt not worship false idols.''

''I don't know about D.C., but you could drive around Chicago for 10- 12 miles and never even see a false idol,'' Newhart said. ''Even if you do, the last thing you are going to do is stop your car and worship it. Maybe turn to your wife and say: 'Lock you door, honey, I'm pretty sure that's a ... yeah, that's a false idol over there.'''

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), February 14, 2003.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------

Oh, Mary Lu, That is sooooo funny...It belongs on our nyuck, nyuck, "Fear Not" thread! Pax Christi

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), February 14, 2003.

A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive barmitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?" "Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian." "What did you do?" asked the father. "I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi. "And what did he say?" pressed the father. "God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), February 14, 2003.

The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices an unusally fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers. "What is that phone for?" he asks the pontiff.

"It's my direct line to the Lord." The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists the Rabbi try it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord. The Rabbi holds a lengthy discussion with Him.

After hanging up the Rabbi says, "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for my phone charges." The Pope, of course, refuses, but the Rabbi is steadfast and finally, the pontiff gives in. He checks the counter on the phone and says, "All right! The charges were 100,000 Lira" ($56). The Chief Rabbi gladly hands over the payment. A few months later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In The the Chief Rabbi's chambers, he sees a phone identical to his and learns it is also is a direct line to the Lord. The Pope remembers he has an urgent matter that requires divine consultation and asks if he can use the Rabbi's phone. The Rabbi gladly agrees, hands him the phone, and the Pope chats away. After hanging up, the Pope offers to pay for the phone charges. Of course, the Chief Rabbi refuses to accept payment. After the Pope insists, the Rabbi relents and looks on the phone counter.Shekel 50" ($0.42). The Pope looks surprised, "Why so cheap?" The Rabbi smiles, "Local call."

-- MaryLu (mlc327@juno.com), February 14, 2003.

Christine, as the war's aproching, it seems that the jokes are less frequent, doesn't it?

-- Frank Someone (Frank@it's me.net), February 27, 2003.