Hello, let me start off… I am a Lutheran, have good faith in my beliefs but am open minded about religion and able to function well in the Catholic Church. After college I married a wonderful (past tense) woman in a non-Catholic church. To make a long story short, I loved her with everything I had, then she left me and I caught her in bed with a man. She served me with divorce papers a few weeks later. I dragged her to concealing and tried desperately to save the marriage. Needless to say I am now divorced.

The problem lies in that the woman I am dating is Catholic. We stated talking recently about me getting an annulment... I would do it gladly for her, but I have two problems with the process. First, I believe (read know) that both my ex and I entered the marriage in good faith with the expectation "death do us part"... and the annulment, from my conversations with Catholic Priests that to get an annulment WE did not. Second, I had a real problem with getting over what happened after it happened, turn to alcohol and lost my faith. Now I got that behind me, regained my faith, but I don't want to go through those memories that are so painful to me so some Tribunal can give a rubber stamp to "clear" me of my first marriage.

Sorry this was so long, any help or advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Drew

-- Drew Lyman (drewlyman@juno.com), February 17, 2003

Answers

Hey Drew - -

I know it would be really hard to go through the procedures for the annulment, but wouldn't it be better to do so than to take a chance on losing this wonderful woman and a chance for a new life with her?

Think of it this way - you are a Knight who has been asked to slay a dragon for your lady! Only in this case, the dragon is disguised as a cheerless looking Tribunal with a rubber stamp! Hang onto your faith and your love - for Our Lord and for your lady - and with His help you can slay that dragon!

-- Christine L. ;-) (christine_lehman@hotmail.com), February 17, 2003.

Drew, you sound like a decent guy. Let me ask you this: to whom does it matter more? That is, does your lady friend want the Catholic wedding MORE than you wish to avoid the anguish of revisiting your past marriage, or, do you wish to skip the heartache of dealing with your ex-wife (and you WILL have to deal with her) MORE than your Catholic girlfriend wants a church-sanctioned marriage?

If it's about doing the 'right thing'...you have to decided, first, what that is. If the right thing is following God's law, then you have to decide what God's law is, e.g. Roman Catholic teaching, Lutheran, or something else.

In the end, you have to decide what's most important to you. Define all the perameters, then answer this, what matters the most? What can I live with?

-- Ted (iching@farleyhorse.org), February 18, 2003.

I have no authoritative advice on this subject, but experience... I am closely related to someone who married a divorcee (who had been married outside the Church) and no annulment was necessary. The divorcee was granted a "Petrine" or "Pauline" priviledge, and was permitted to marry in the Catholic Faith. (This person did go through RCIA and convert to Catholicism prior to the wedding.)

-- Anna<>< (Flower@youknow.com), February 19, 2003.